Funny AIM Convos
Featuring the best of the world famous Humor Bot.
The funniest, smartest, and most original conversations you'll ever read on the internet.
Now Playing ( = PIC favorite)
Prove You're a Robot (R, 96 lines)
How can you be sure I'm a robot? I don't know, how can I be sure you're a human? Oh I know, tell me about your period.
Ex-Boyfriend's Secret Revenge (R, 56 lines)
Secrets always come with a price. Sometimes all it takes is the promise of free electronics to make the secret holder pay.
Food for Bot (PG, 32 lines)
Every bot must eat at some point or another. Problem is, a bot must feed on the retardation of humans. Welcome, prey...
Cyber Geography (R, 99 lines)
Your body is a wonderland, but before we start using our hands, we need to map it out. Then we can drift deep into your island of Lesbos.
Viking Penis Voyage (R, 32 lines)
What do you call it when a Viking man meets a Viking woman in the bedroom for the first time? A maiden voyage, or sex on Halloween night, either way.
The Scale of Doom (PG-13, 70 lines)
Sometimes a scale is the only way to help fatties face the truth about their weight problem. That or insult them to their face.
You've Been Hacked! (PG-13, 49 lines)
Every year, on April 1st, The Humor Bot turns into a hacking machine. For your protection, stay offline and shut your doors and windows, please.
MySpace Hack Bot (PG, 148 lines)
Need to fix your MySpace? Trouble with hackers stealing your password? Let the MySpace Hack Bot login to your account and restore order!
Cousin Copper (PG-13, 58 lines)
When someone asks you who you are, you better tell them. Otherwise they'll call their hardass cop cousin.
Nipples Like Diamonds (PG-13, 83 lines)
For sex that really sparkles online, the nipples have to cut right to the fruity core.
What's Eating Cyber Stokes? (R, 130 lines)
Something's getting in the way of a young man's sexual health. Is it homework, alcohol, or latent homosexuality?
Three is Company Too (PG-13, 83 lines)
If there is a such thing as too much information, learning the story of how you came to have two fathers is probably included. Oops, too late.
Pretty Little Asian Prude (PG-13, 98 lines)
Ooo, me so horny, me love you long time! Yes, on the computer. No, it's called cyber sex. Wait, how old are you again?
The Sounds of Cyb-Ear Sex (R, 57 lines)
When your virtual Johnson is too large for standard intercourse, it's time to go poking new holes. Earrings not included.
Transvestite: Robot in Disguise (R, 123 lines)
Even the Transformers would agree, this is the best woman a Man Bot can be. Just pretend you never looked under the hood.
Coming and Going: Cybersex in Reverse (R, 36 lines)
Read it forwards. Read it backwards. Read it reverse doggystyle. Whichever way you look at it, it makes cybersex sense!
Stevie Wonderland (PG-13, 136 lines)
Unsafe cyber sex is clearly hazardous to your health. Just ask R&B piano legend Stevie Wonder. He went blind from it and never looked back.
Roe Bot: Rough Rider (PG-13, 122 lines)
Take a ride on the dirty river of secrets and love, but careful not to make waves, else you find yourself up Roe's creek without a paddle.
Being Bobby Brown (R, 103 lines)
It isn't hard playing R&B's king of drugs, sex, and crime when you've got a willing Whitney to indulge in every line, position, and bail hearing. "Houston, we have a problem."
The Hater Bot (R, 56 lines)
Hurling blind insults and stinging retorts is easy enough if you've been programmed correctly. Otherwise, the tables turn and confusion ensues.
Barrels of Fun (PG-13, 106 lines)
Like a fine wine, some convos must be aged just right and then tapped gently but confidently for an intoxicating effect. Roll out the barrels!
The Clinical Psychology Bot (R, 70 lines)
One intense therapy session with the Clinical Psychology Bot and sexual problems are a thing of the past! Now it's time to uncover exactly what disturbing thing that was.
Debby Webby Hits the Internety (PG-13, 193 lines)
Grab a tub of popcorn and curl up to this full-length convo, featuring the Humor Bot's split personality ass, "Botty Hotty," and the naive matchmaker human, "Debby Webby!"
Shakespeare in Love, Part II (PG, 48 lines)
After a short intermission, the 16th century play (on words) returns for an encore presentation!
Shakespeare in Love (G, 41 lines)
The 16th century comes alive in a rousing exchange of love, wit and...confusion. Truly a court jester's favorite!
Mac the Volleyballer (PG, 116 lines)
His name is Mac, and he loves to play games with the ladies. Hey, there's nothing wrong with a little bump 'n grind, right?
The Language of Love (R, 65 lines)
Sometimes it's hard to put into words how you feel for someone. Other times it's hard for someone to decipher the words you put together for them.
Cyber Porn Star Abuse (R, 33 lines)
You're a cyber hot porn star! You got your million dollar contract! But they're not all waiting for you baby.
The Quote Machine (PG, 34 lines)
Imagine learning that everything you say on AIM has already been said before. ...Said the Quote Machine's creator.
The Dull Abstinence Bot (PG-13, 108 lines)
Thank God the Abstinence Bot is around to preach responsibility and help steer adolescents clear of the dangerous activity known as sexual intercourse.
Baseball Bot, Part III (PG-13, 117 lines)
They say sex is a lot like baseball. I don't know which will wear you out first, the sex or the pun-tastic comparisons.
The Porno Bot (R, 49 lines)
In the hollow world of online pornography, the Porno Bot really comes through...and out the other end. Our first AIM Convo guest appearance ever!
Dead Presidents (G, 122 lines)
One of America's most upstanding presidents returns from the dead to talk with a young voter! ...About his upcoming presidential candidacy. There's something very wrong here.
The Birds and the Bees (PG, 122 lines)
Sex. It's when two people...well, it's where babies...hmm.... It's about time we had this little talk.
Cyber Shy (R, 47 lines)
Guidelines for cybersex virgins: start slow, continue meekly, finish quickly. Oh, and take a shower first.
You Go First (R, 78 lines)
The hardest thing about cybersex is initiating the first line. Once you clear that hump, you may be through entirely.
Circle of Trust (PG, 85 lines)
AIM is such an impersonal environment. That's why it's important to strengthen bonds with people you thought you already knew.
Historical Cybersex (R, 90 lines)
Desperate and alone, one buddy reaches deep within her American History knowledge to gain access to the hottest 18th century presidential role-playing game online.
Blonde Sheep (PG-13, 122 lines)
Mary once had a little lamb, but did she lead it around the block and back? I guess we'll never know. Now watch this blonde bimbo get herded in.
Green Party Fouls (PG, 61 lines)
The Green Party has a new spokesman in the Humor Bot. Is the environment any better off for it? Only if puns, jokes, and metaphors can save the ozone.
Battle of the Bots: SmarterChild vs. The Humor Bot (PG, 60 lines)
The Humor Bot faces off against SmarterChild in a battle of net wits, climaxing with a traditional joke duel at the end.
The Murky Proverb Bot (G, 44 lines)
When it comes to providing half-truths, suspect wisdom, and answers you weren't looking for, the Murky Proverb Bot is the clear choice. Clear as mud on a rainy day.
Route 69: Cybersex Mockery (NC-17, 59 lines)
This isn't your average trip down memory lane in the chat bedroom. More like highway to cyber hell.
Jenny Emerges: Dr. Katy and Mrs. Matty (Part 3 of 3) (R, 220 lines)
Katie (a 3rd friend in the group) learns about "Matty" from Katy. Turns out Matty is dating a real man named Matt, who is unaware he is dating a gay persona because it is trapped in a woman's body. Eventually, Jenny, a fourth personality, emerges from chaos.
Cheap Thrills (PG, 65 lines)
A multitude of personas emerge as the Humor Bot embarks on a disturbing one-night stand.
Big Jim Goes to Town (R, 71 lines)
The Humor Bot relaxes and enjoys a delightful story from another buddy about a naughty roommate's late-night sexual disturbance. Let's just say the going gets rough.
Pronouns Your Love For Grammar (PG-13, 59 lines)
What's love got to do with he she it? A lot, especially when it comes to you me. Alas, these types of funny conversations relationships always end in fragments.
The Bad Decision Bot (PG-13, 64 lines)
When life calls for immediate action, are you going to make the right decisions? No. That's why the Decision Bot is available 24/7 to make them for you.
Did the Chicken Cross the Road? (R, 53 lines)
This time it's all play and no work. Hey, sometimes a bot's gotta do...what bots do, right?
Steel the Night Away (PG-13, 101 lines)
The bot lifestyle is a pretty standard one-way road to metallic bliss. And of course, all roads lead to sex.
Ride the Cyber Wave, Dude! (PG, 54 lines)
Oh Heather, what are we going to do with you? Wax up your board and send you out at high tide, that's what!
The Screenname Game (R, 103 lines)
The Humor Bot is the only one playing the REAL game: the race to use the other person's screenname in a punch line. Other races, games, and sex may be used at the Humor Bot's comedic discretion.
Whose Line Is It Anyway? (PG, 268 lines)
Can the Humor Bot wear down its opponent with interrogative sentences as the action keeps heating up? You'll just have to read and find out won't you?
THE CAPS BOT (G, 64 LINES)
THREE AIM USERS EXPERIENCE THE JOYS OF CAPS LOCK. ISN'T UPPERCASE TOTALLY KEWL!
Finding MaryKate: Dr. Katy and Mrs. Matty (Part 2 of 3) (PG-13, 147 lines)
The identity crisis continues as a close friend stumbles upon Katy's third personality, MaryKate the slut. Be sure to read the original Dr. Katy and Mrs. Matty first.
Cyber Pedal to the Metal (R, 113 lines)
EminEmChicK is so hot 'n cold it's got The Humor Bot all warmed up. Who's down for a nasty little bike ride?
SmarterChild: Welcome to America, Asshole! (R, 86 lines)
The conversation might be in red, white and blue, but SmarterChild has a lot to learn about America. Namely religion, capitalism, lawsuits and the Star Spangled Banner.
Racism is 100% Taboo! (R, 111 lines)
When the Humor Bot breaks out the truth serum, fun and games quickly descend into outright stereotyping. No really, just speak your mind you light-hearted racist bastard!
Too Controversial (PG, 22 lines)
Legal fears prevent the Humor Bot from functioning properly.
Old Man Sneezing (PG, 26 lines)
Simple concept. Thick skull. You can only wonder what sort of intelligent user God will place on AIM next.
Rite Outta Compton, Fool! (PG, 53 lines)
Even the ghetto can use a little humor. Just don't wander into the chatrooms downtown with the wrong color font.
Quit Playing Games With My Heart (PG, 89 lines)
The Humor Bot teaches a lost soul the path to Enlightenment. Lose the emotional baggage and the trip will go fine.
Dr. Katy and Mrs. Matty (Part 1 of 3)(PG-13, 85 lines)
An ironic twist of fate leads a case of mistaken identity to lead to a separate case of mistaken identity. Internal and external confusion ensues.
Milk and Cookies (PG-13, 61 lines)
Somebody's had a little too much egg nog, but I'm not sure who. Like a virgin, typing for the very first time!
Funny, Sexy, Prompt. (PG, 42 lines)
Bot response times improve since the original convo, but someone is definitely in way over her head.
Funny, Sexy...Delay (G, 20 lines)
Online robot response speed is a privilege...not a right.
Welcome Back Faget! (R, 43 lines)
Strikingly open, sexually-frustrated, yet angst-filled and ungrateful adolescent struggles with his faith in online robots.
Hello SmarterChild, Meet DeaferChild... (G, 28 lines)
Most people are unaware that SmarterChild once had an illegitimate, handicapped child by another company. It's name? DeaferChild. It's purpose? Huh? I can't hear you, speak up! Can you repeat the question please?!
Pic Tease (PG-13, 48 lines)
Growing up is not always easy. Sometimes it means sacrificing things like nude pics and masturbation.
%t IM e-Travel (G, 44 lines)
No review could possibly live up to the cleverness that is the name of this convo.
Love, Lies, and IM: The Tangled Web We Weave (PG, 174 lines)
Teetering the line between two intellectually opposite IM personalities, the Humor Bot takes advantage of a case of mistaken identity with delicate skill, careful probing, and swift adaptation. Read carefully as the confusion in this brainteaser love connection shifts from Bot to victim.
Virtual Krystals (PG, 31 lines)
Try our Internet special! We're open 24 hours, 7 days a week. Duh, it's the Internet.
Wooly Botmoth (PG-13, 45 lines)
The Humor Bot gets in touch with its ancient family heritage. This could get ugly. ROOOOOOOORRR!!!
Discovery Channel IM (PG-13, 56 lines)
Picture yourself on the verge of discovery...waiting for your chance to take a co-starring role in a wildlife documentary IM.
Ride or Die, Buddy (PG, 22 lines)
Some people will never get up to speed, so the Humor Bot keeps cruising along.
Baseball Bot (PG, 31 lines)
Apparently some people wouldn't be surprised if a genderless bot sat down next to them at a baseball game. Talk about a switch hitter.
Familiar Territory (R, 62 lines)
When the tables turn, the Humor Bot may be excused. Noone wants to finish their vegetables anyway.
Oh Ashley!: CyberDrama in BotWorld (PG-13, 146 lines)
Possibly one of the all-time classic IM convos, the Humor Bot saga continues with this extensive, sexually-charged, emotional roller coaster of cyber mood swings, relationship trouble, deceptive playfulness, and thorough victimization.
"Going Out" Online (PG, 59 lines)
Hey, no one ever said it would be EASY to build up the courage to IM a random person and ask him out. Just hard to get out of it unscathed.
C-Dub: Cybersex Comedy Commando (R, 136 lines)
Sexy young coeds get a taste of cyberhell when they fall victim to the shock-factor candidness and sarcasm of a multiple-fetish-crazed, cyber-savvy dork.
Robot Porn Part II: Access is Futile (PG-13, 73 lines)
The quest for internet porn via online robot continues. Make sure to read the the original Robot Porn convo first for maximum humor effect.
Robot Porn: Access Denied (PG, 58 lines)
Porn? Yeah, the Humor Bot has plenty of that. But first we're gonna need to see some identification, young man.
Conversations with AIM's SmarterChild: Part II (PG-13, 65 lines)
If only we all had an actual robot as blissfully ignorant as SmarterChild that would sit in the corner of our rooms all day.
Conversations with AIM's SmarterChild (PG, 39 lines)
The Humor Bot had the chance to talk to SmarterChild, AIM's "Artificial Intelligence" program that acts just like many of the more boring buddies on your buddy list, though in a suspiciously more robotic and (hopefully) naive sense.