6 Ways to Sneeze Exclusively for Attention This Fall
That classic ah-choo is so familiar sounding. That choo-choo that comes from toy trains you used to have as a child? Now that’s a cute time.
Tag: Trains
New Trolley Problems for Our New Political World
"The Brexit": The UK is on a train about to crash. Unfortunately, they were on a safe track and decided to pull the switch to crash themselves.
Well, I Just Got to Hell and the Bagels Freaking Suck
You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.
Fun Things to Do in the Big City If You’re a Douchebag
Steal a seat from a pregnant woman who was about to sit down, then pull out a copy of "Angels & Demons" and bury your head in it.
The Trolley Problem, Interpreted by Notable Film Directors
Peter Jackson: The trolley problem is needlessly split into three separate trolley problems.
I Love Wearing My Backpack During Busy Commutes
What if I told you that I’ve got four laptop computers on my person at this very moment? Because that’s the reality of the situation.
Welcome to Amtrak’s “Quiet Car Chopped All-Stars: Fight Club”
The first rule of Amtrak's "Quiet Car Chopped All-Stars: Fight Club" is: Kindly shut the fuck up about everything. Enjoy bare-knuckle chef combat.
30-Point NYC Subway Improvement Plan
As part of white collar drug treatment program, baristas serve liquid methadone lattes on G train. Every other Thursday, system-wide Backwards Day.
The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants: An Update
The heart wants long johns from Saks. The heart can't get long johns from Saks unless it can get into the subway, but it used all it's coins.
How Silent Films Taught Me to Be a Better Lover
My girlfriend Mary Lou always told me to stop twirling my mustache and tying her to train tracks, but I never really took it seriously, you know?
To Be President of Amtrak, I Must Start as the Restroom Cleaner
At corporate events I will talk about my roots: "50 years ago, I was hired by this fine company to clean the restrooms on the Merced to Oakland route..." and so on.
Monologue: Why You Should Join This Packed Subway Car
Come, ye lost soul. If you keep yelling for us to “Move in,” I'm positive a black hole will spontaneously erupt right above our heads.