10 Things You’ll Never Hear on a College Campus
Just because you never hear these things in college doesn't mean they aren't true. Especially the parts about cheating, masturbation, and taking advantage of helpless animals.
Tag: Teachers
I’m Your Tough, No-Nonsense Summer School Teacher and I Really Need Someone to Help Me Perform a Magic Trick This Weekend
All I want to hear is your name, grade, and on a scale of 1-10 how comfortable you would be lying down in a pit of 200-300 baby rattlesnakes for two minutes.
Just as Mark Zuckerberg Had to Drop Out of Harvard, I Too Must Drop Out of This Pottery Class
I know this decision has alienated a lot of people. And I'm sorry I shattered Bethany's clay pot on the floor while calling her "talentless swine" the other week.
Don’t Get a Job: Commencement Address to the College Graduating Class of 2017
The last thing you want to do is get a job. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty because you are right in your actions to not want to go to work - it sucks.
Teaching My First Class at Caveman High
I didn't choose to be transported to a pre-historic age, but I did choose to become the teacher of the cavemen and women once I got there. No Neanderthal left behind!
10 Tips for Successfully Getting Through College
To become a cognitively engaged multitasker , you must eventually be able to drink beer, watch porn, cry, and masturbate while realizing you're not lonely.
To My Family: Yes, I’m Donating My Body to the College of Liberal Arts
I don’t need my dead body being jabbed into on a cutting board by doctors. I'd rather help the humanities with their flow of corpses.
So Your Professor Dreams All Came Crashing Down in One Ugly Q&A
Bruce stood on the stage of the auditorium drenched in sweat, silently waving with his fake ass smile plastered on while the crowd sat in silence horrified.
Teacher of the Year: Mr. Richard Head
When the barrier between student life and adulthood is pulled down, we hope that each of our graduates will stand out as a bulging success.
The Sticky, Enduring Sexism Against Female College Professors
I have long been skeptical of uber-feminists claiming that rampant sexism remains in America. But it is most alive and well among the professoriate on college campuses.
5 MORE Ways to Get Fired from Your Teaching Job
To inspire all of you teachers out there who are on the verge of screaming at your students, punching your administrators in the face, and/or committing suicide.
5 Ways to Get Fired from Your Teaching Job
Only follow this list if teaching has made you suicidal, OR you're a teacher who just wants to have a little fun, and you've been looking for a career change anyway.