I should just expressly state my purpose here: I intend to pursue any type of sex act with That One Girl From Clarissa Explains It All (I believe it's “Clarissa” actually).
Sorry to hear you've been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. But since you won't remember anything I write in this letter, let me take the opportunity to reveal how much I've always despised the elderly.
I’ve gotten a bad rap for what I’ve said about rabbits, but it was completely misconstrued. In fact, some of my best friends are even rabbits.
Sophomore Lance Williams, widely considered beer pong’s top prospect, inked a three-year, $12 million deal with campus fraternity Omega Tau Beta..
The substitute teacher is in the room and he's brought the Thought Police with him. Disobedience will not be tolerated. Dissent will not be heard.
Once again, you confront the fiendish "brain in a jar" that has taken over your life. And what happens? You lose your nerve, and the brain wins again.
George Washington gets word that a stage coach with Martha inside was captured by terrorists, and proceeds to school John Adams on dealing with the situation.
Qing Fo, the Chinese Squid Woman, is the biggest mystery in the history of China. Now if your stupid dog would shutup, maybe I could tell you her story!
I don't know what you're talking about man, I'm not holding. I don't even know what holding means. But if I did know what it means, I would be holding the best stuff you've ever seen.
P.E. gets worse, lunch still sucks, and there's going to be a pop quiz in 2 minutes. I'm your new principal, have a great day, kids!
I'll tell you what I'm looking forward to most about becoming a complete degenerate: exposing my children to my heinous lifestyle.
I would like to apologize to the Sanctuary night club downtown. I appreciate that you let me in despite the fact that I looked visibly intoxicated, and ended up disgracing your establishment.