Satire | Page 219 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

We just can’t continue on like this without telling everyone we know that we can’t continue on like this.

Colorblock Windbreaker: You wear this athletic fit ironically because you are actually a struggling improv performer.

Painting’s fantastic, because over the years, we know of hundreds of aircraft taken out by Stingers. And we’ve painted many, many, many of them.

How do you rate your performance? Your Answer: This place would crumble without me. Work Appropriate Answer: I have the utmost confidence in myself.

You’re probably taking a hard look at yourself, reeling with guilt at the thought of all the poor, innocent, mother mosquitos you’ve smooshed.

When you die, it won’t likely be a bunch of vultures or a serial killer who see you last. It will be me, your friendly neighborhood mortician.

Wondered what it would be like to get directions from that one friend who’s confident they know where you’re going but “could be a few blocks off”?

Bereft Muskrat: “Too hopeful.” “Muskrats evoke something too adorable to be considered appropriate for 2019, even if they are bereft.”

Feel free to thumb through the 3,500-page book, "Extreme Survival Scenarios," which is now required reading. Feel free to hang out by the buffet.

Oh, this is one of our newest and my personal favorite lines: rings made from melted-down scooter wheels

Your emotional stability is hanging by a thread? Well, so is the Dow Jones Industrial Average, baby!

I can’t get any sleep. Everywhere I go in my apartment the ghost follows me and keeps saying, “Remember the part…” and “What about when…”