Satire | Page 138 | Points in Case

Tag: Satire

While people escape outdoors / There will be shortage the like of which was never seen / As masses storm stores / For parchment used to keep clean

10:17 AM: I send Melissa a First Communion flashback, the time a piece of the wafer got caught in her throat and she had a panic attack in the pew.

I deserve better than this. I’m elegant. I’m refined. I was handcrafted in Vermont, you barbarian.

What did you say, maggot? You’ve got “a fever”? Dude, go get that checked out right now. Brother Cody, open the window.

His car collection takes up most of my driveway and he keeps stealing my newspapers to do his classic “Headlines” desk bit.

I'll grant any wish, especially those desires that poll well with white suburban women and Rust Belt workers without college degrees.

Well, would you look at that. Normally everyone condescends to us and makes fun of online college, but now I guess we’re all in the same boat.

The first of your progeny is not your finest. They’re laden with flaws: entitlement, jealousy, anxiety, and approval-seeking tendencies.

Maybe you thought being stinky was intentional on my part, like I decided my “gimmick” is that I’m the bank robber who stinks?

I have narrowly avoided being chewed up by a rat, a cat, and a very aggressive pet bird. I have also developed a severe dust allergy.

Riker, age 2 Theme: Toy Story Drinks: Miller Lite Damage: The moms nearly caught us dads vaping in the garage.

Though the sun may soon set on this discount code, my passion for your touch shall never fade!