Simple Rules to Get a Reservation at Our Trendy Restaurant
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
Tag: Restaurants
Hi, I’ll Be Your QR Code Menu This Evening
I also thought this was a temp gig until the pandemic was over. Or, well, over enough now, I guess?
Sure, the Metaverse Is the Future, but Have You Heard About the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company?
You’re here to risk it all on totally digital experiences without a shred of realistic worth, and I’m talking about shrimp.
Please, for the Love of God, Reply “Confirm” or “Cancel”
You still haven’t confirmed, but you also haven’t canceled. Just a heads up, the uncertainty is kind of messing with some people here.
Please Enjoy Our 62-Ingredient Bloody Mary
We’ve also shitloaded that thing with, like, 17 green olives from the most overpriced gourmet grocery store we could find.
An Orangutan’s Review of the Restaurant He Just Broke Into
It had just recently opened the moment I turned the corner, as I have no object permanence.
Yelp Reviews of My Toddler’s Restaurant
Having never been to a mandatory restaurant before, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Marshall-Chase-Spiderman-Sit-Down-Now was delightful!
Unbiased Yelp Review That Has Nothing to Do With the Fact the Restaurant Wouldn’t Accommodate My Sloth
The restaurant would tell you that a lot of my experiences were colored by my sloth, but I disagree. This could happen to anyone, even the slothless.
We’re Offering 10 Percent Off If This Golden Corral Turns into a Food Fight Warzone
If you find yourself eating our classic pot roast and one of our comfortable and sturdy chairs flies by your head, please do not be alarmed.
A List of Apologies to Establishments from Which I Have Been Banned
Winkler Field in Saratoga: I’m sorry I repeatedly yelled, “I want that kid checked for steroids, he’s a steroid junkie” after a player hit a double.
We Do Not Sit Young Families Under Hulk’s Penis
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
I Am the Wooden Board at That Gourmet Burger Restaurant, Here to Remind You That You Only Make $10 an Hour
You only made $200 this week, yet you STILL let your friends drag you here?