New York | Page 9 | Points in Case

Tag: New York

Imagine a book written entirely in uncomfortable places with completely unconventional materials. Genius, isn’t it?

There are three distinct rivers in New York summers: the Hudson, the East, and the one continuously flowing down into your ass crack.

The President shall enjoy full immunity while patting his head and rubbing his stomach at the same time.

Inhale deeply, for you must use the communal microwave to reheat your leftover risotto, which will add another layer to the complex scent.

Know which spell you’re going to cast on the deli counter guy before you get to the front of the line. It’s unreal that some of you still do this.

I wasn’t just enjoying, but empathizing with contestants on The Bachelor. I shut it off and recollected my ironic self over a lukewarm Zima.

Washington: By successfully recruiting James, the Washington Generals could finally have a shot at taking down those damn Harlem Globetrotters.

You can take the man out of the big city and send him to Hell for a life of transgressions, but you can’t take the big city out of the man.

If you see something, say something, but if you see it again, say something different. Talk about the weather or a book you just read. We get it.

Steal a seat from a pregnant woman who was about to sit down, then pull out a copy of "Angels & Demons" and bury your head in it.

Did you assume it was easy for all of us to bleach our hair two months after coming out? No. But we all did it. Every single one of us.

7. Michael Cohen calls his tailors with this phone. When ordering suits he tends to use the phrase “make someone notice me, please.”