"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."
Gift Ideas to Help Republican Grandparents Bribe Their Grandkids into Not Hating Them for Dooming Humanity
A skateboard is cool. No need for safety gear, either. You obviously don’t give a shit what happens to your grandkids, so a helmet would be confusing.
If your friend's team was the one that eliminated your team, tell them they can see you at your funeral.
Thanks to my newly acquired need for a speed supplier, I finally found my bad-boy boyfriend. He also cooked meth on the side and almost blew me up once or twice while I was asleep.
2. You thought your invitation to Megan’s bridal shower was coming, only to see two other women just Insta'd photos from the shower. What do you do?
Tamber excavates 1 skeleton. He recognizes its bone structure. 81-inch. Could it be? D.B. Cooper? How many inches taller than Tamber is D.B. Cooper?
We also don't have a retirement plan because the majority of our employees only stay with us for 2-3 hours.
"We will play until someone hits the ball past the green patch!" Mikey announces. As pitcher, I know this means we're in for a forever-inning.
Thanks to the extensive sports section at my local adult video store, I now understand everything about baseball, nudity and all!
Dear Make-A-Wish Foundation, I've recently been given three weeks to live. Because I am 12 and have not yet experienced a bachelor party, here is my list of requests.
It seems like Coach Johnson is completely willing to jeopardize the season by starting my stepson Damien, noted for embarrassingly once giving up 8 runs in a half inning.
Some people were born on third base and thought they hit a triple. Other people, who thought they hit a triple, were born on first base. Consider how you got here in life.