I'm a day behind with my life right now, which sucks because arguing with a calendar is always a losing proposition. Try telling a calendar what day it is.  Damn thing won't even bother to laugh. 

I don't care that it worked, that onside kick was a dumb call by Sean Payton.  Dude got luckier than Brad Pitt at an "I want to suck Brad Pitt's Cock" rally. 

I met a kid from Minnesota the other day who told me that every day when he's on a vacation, he draws a penis on a wall at least one place he goes.  I asked him why and his response was priceless:  "Because dude, it's a vacation."  Fair enough. 

Pandora Internet Music insists I like The Red Hot Chili Peppers.  I do not.  There's no joke there, but I'm pretty sure Pandora reads the internet so I just wanted to let it know. 

Today I was in a meeting where a gay guy threw a hissy fit about wasting personnel resources.  It was the funniest thing I've seen at work since I accidentally woke up on that three legged dog (don't ask).

Did you know that high fructose corn syrup was originally invented to fatten hogs and cattle?  Gotta love America. 

I'm not one for restrictions and all, but if I ran Disney World, I don't think I would let in Jeremy Shockey.  

Facebook always seemed like a stupid waste of time to me.  Until I got it on my phone.  You see, when I'm bored at home in front of my computer, I can always leave.  When I'm bored in places I can't leave, Facebook becomes a pleasant diversion.  Weird.

The other day, I yelled at the stock market.  I'm pretty sure senility is coming for me at an early age.  

I regularly drink with a guy and his wife at the local pub.  A few years ago, when they were on a break, I boned his wife for a few months.  And he knows this.  We addressed it a few years ago (I'm pretty sure I even wrote about it in a Snippets piece) and everything seems okay but it's just… well, every time we drink together I just… I mean, I boned his wife!  And we're friends.  I do really well at playing that off and it gets easier and easier to hang with the guy and his wife out in public but you and I both know that all three of us are thinking about the fact that I boned his wife.  And well, one day I'm gonna get too drunk and bring it up.  And that will end badly.  You can bet on it.

And finally because logic and fluidity are busy intercepting Peyton Manning, I leave you with the following, compliments of one of my favorite bartenders, Sabrina:

"Nate's not allowed to participate in ‘all you can drink' Friday.  There were even memos." 

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