In Ashburn, Georgia, students will soon experience their first integrated prom. In a related story, the mayor of Ashburn recently held a press conference to inform everybody in his town that the rumors were true, and that it is indeed fucking 2007. Time flies.

If it's possible to be angry while getting head, I hope I never know.

My friend Ian's take on Global Warming: “What I don't get is? scientists can't even predict the weather for a solid week, so it just seems farfetched that they would know what could happen a hundred years from now.” Sometimes, the simplest thinking really is the best.

Russell Simmons, who apparently is to Hip Hop what Al Sharpton is to the African American community, is imploring musicians not to use the words “bitch”, “ho”, and “nigga.” In a related story, keep a lookout for new PIC columnist, Bitch Ho Nigga. He's from Korea.

One of the great things about women is that they can make you lose an entire day of your life. I don't know how they do it. But I think it has something to do with sex, food and revealing outfits. Anyway, sorry I didn't write yesterday. I'd like to think that I inconvenienced y'all, but I'm sure you're fine.

Recently, a CNN news reporter revealed to the world that the students at Virginia Tech had asked all of the media to go home so that the student body could heal in peace. This news was reported live from Blacksburg, at the campus of Virginia Tech. I hate people, sometimes. Sometimes, I really do.

So I was standing in the grocery store recently, trying to decide which ice cream to purchase. And I couldn't make up my mind between the Bailey's Irish Cream and the Cherry Garcia. So I thought “What would Jesus do?” And it hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus would totally chow the Bailey's. Thanks, Jesus.

The Tampa Bay Lightning were officially eliminated from playoff contention recently. For those of you who may not follow sports all that closely, the hockey playoffs are currently going on. For those of you who just straight up hate sports, the Tampa Bay Lightning are a team in the National Hockey League. And for those of you who still don't know what I'm typing about, there used to be this sport called hockey. Really. You can look it up.

Dating a smoking hot chick with huge breasts is a little like driving a Ferrari. Sure, it's nice and all, but people always want a ride. It can get annoying.

And finally, because logic and fluidity are running a day late, I leave you with the following, which I overheard at last night's Devil Rays/Yankees game, which, incidentally, was held in Tampa.

“Where did all these Devil Ray fans come from?”

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