You know, I hate to be some kind of rampant post-modern asshole, but I kinda enjoy the fact that I live in a world where everybody cheats. It shows a lot about human nature. It shows what we're prepared to do to win. In the past month or so, my television and internet have been filled with news of cheating.

Barry Bonds is still an issue, but that never really bothered me until he sold out a teammate (he later apologized). I mean, big deal. An athlete did steroids. I think I'll be able to get over the shock. I'm that tough, emotionally.

Then The University of Oklahoma officially got screwed for recruitment violations. I didn't look at the details because, well, I'm not an Oklahoma fan but I think I saw a story about it while I was passing out on my couch one night. Anyway, don't bet too much on Oklahoma next year.

Then I heard that cyclists were getting yanked from the Tour de France during the damn race. Apparently, whatever the hell association that worries about cycling does not mess around with doping. And I could respect that. If I really cared about cycling, that is.

Then I learned that an NBA referee was indicted on charges of fixing games he worked. And that got my attention. I mean, when was the last time a referee got indicted for fixing games? Has it ever happened? Someone should research this stuff, answer the questions and email the answers directly to me because I'm lazy.

Now, the representatives of the media will have you believe that all this cheating is awful and ruining the world and will eventually cause the downfall of mankind; they may be overreacting a little. I mean, naturally NBA referees, The Oklahoma Sooners, baseball players and even the cyclists shouldn't cheat to win (or to pay off gambling debts or get huge contracts or whatever), but the fact of the matter is that many people would rather earn their brand of success than live by some moral code that never paid them no never mind no how.

And that gets to the base of what many of us are at heart: cheaters. We've all cheated on someone or something sometime. And maybe we're sorry.


You see, in a completely fair game, the guy who cheats is going to get caught. But when he/she doesn't, he often wins. This is risk/reward, which is in my humble opinion, one of the more advanced developments of our primal urges.

And I'm glad cheaters exist. Because they're proof of how screwed up we all are.

And I don't want human beings getting any more full of themselves. I don't want us, as a species, thinking we're all that great. We need to stay humble. Or we'll end up dropping another nuclear bomb.

All of us on this planet are, in some way shape or form, screwed up. And if we can just keep it in our heads at all times that the odds are pretty good that someone's cheating at something every second, well, maybe we won't think that we've earned the right to tell other people what to do.

I guess what I'm saying is, everybody sucks and we all need to realize it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I broke my soapbox.