Pickup lines get a lot of flack as cheesy and ineffective, but that's not warranted at all. Perhaps, my friend, it is the way that you're telling them that's cheesy and ineffective. Mull that over. MULL IT…

Done? Good. Because I've decided to help you retell classic pickup lines to get alllll the ladies. That's right.

Do you have a quarter? How about $25? I really need some blow.

Do you have a quarter? How about the number of a good plastic surgeon?

Was your daddy a baker? Your stomach has lots of rolls.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would eliminate W, H, I, T, E, and Y. Oh, and G, A, U, D and O too.

Do you clean your pants with Windex? Or are those man-stains?

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I hope it breaks and your left with years of unsightly scars and bad luck.

That's a nice shirt. It's wasted on you.

How do you like your eggs? I bet it's smothered in bacon and cheese, you unhealthy fattypants.

Let's play Army. You lay down and I shoot you accidentally then tell your family you died fighting insurgents.

(Holding up a screw) Do you want to build me a cabinet? I'm no good with my hands.

You know what they say about guys with big feet? They can fuck huge vaginas. Let's go.

Are your feet tired? You smell sweaty.

Do you feel lucky? Because I have crabs, and AIDS.

Somebody better call God, because he seriously dropped the ball on this one.

Was your daddy a thief? You have the shifty look of thiefbreed.

Do you have an raisins? No? Stop wasting my fucking time and make with the raisins. Chop chop. Less talky, more raisins.

Giant polar bear! You're fat, hairy and cold, is what I'm trying to say.

Are you from Tennessee? Or did you have a stroke?

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