Dear God,

You and I both know that what I gave up for lent was something I thought I could stand to live without. I’m starting to think I was wrong.

Is my addiction really that bad?

You did see what I saw right? That delicious little trinket was begging me to take her. I mean the condensation was just dripping off her neck and onto her curves. How many people can make sweat look sexy? Why did she have to have curves in all the right places? I know, I know. It’s because she was designed to be easy to hold and easy to love. That little red wrapper she was wearing? It just barely covered the basics and almost falling off her. I’m starting to think that maybe tracing my fingers around that outline might not be such a bad idea. What’s the worst that could happen? I mean really?

Don’t get the wrong idea, Buddy; I held strong against the temptation. No matter how badly she wanted mouth to mouth contact, I still did the right thing. I put the graceful little bottle back in the ice bath and got a juice instead.

By the way, I am going to celebrate Your Son’s passing and saving* with at least 50 Cokes (or Pepsis, I don’t really mind).


*If I could some how work in another sports related term, Your Son could totally sound like a professional athlete. I know You’re proud of Him, but I’m just saying, His cool points would go off the charts. Who wouldn’t want to be saved by The Colossus of Christ? What about Jesus Andretti? Well, besides non-red necks…
“And it looks like the Savior just got into another crash! That had to hurt Jim. “
“What’s that Bob? It looks like Jesus is… I can’t believe it!”
“Jesus Christ resurrected his own car is streaking towards the finish line!”
“We just saw history in the making folks. Jesus H. Christ has just won the Indy 500 by an actual miracle.”
“Put this one down in the record books Jim.”

P.S. I just couldn’t figure out how to bring this up, but the other day, my dad and I saw an audio book of select readings from an “Authorized” bible. Would You care to explain that one? I’m fairly sure that if You ever “Authorized” anything, it would be all over the news in like two seconds (unless another celebrity dies. That’s happened, didn’t it? How much does it suck to one-upped by a science project?).

P.P.S. “Hi, I’m Roxy and I abuse parentheses.”