The Party Tow Truck
Anyone who calls a tow truck must be in a shitty mood because their car just broke down, what better way to cheer them up than bringing automotive help AND a party?!
Comedy Writing
Like a G6 (Pilot Pen Remix)
Wavin plastic in the night, like a wizard, When we ink we do it right gettin quizzard, Stirrin sizzurp in my ride, like Three 6, Now I'm writin so fly with a G6.
So Relaxed, Must Read Digitally
Why the Kindle trumps books, comedy is hard in prison, rappers believe in God, and bras disappear from the pile of post-sex clothes the easiest.
Potential Observations on Dandruff, Penguins and Email
My most embarrassing misconception: I always thought penguins were as tall as humans. There's never anything in Antarctica to reference their size!
Chile, We Have a Miner Problem
I can't let this go any longer. I must confess: I find nothing miraculous, heroic, exciting, or dangerous about the Chilean miners' rescue or predicament.
The World’s Most Confusing Email Addresses to Tell Someone Over the Phone
<p><img src="/files/u2/email-keyboard.jpg" alt="EMAIL spelled out on a keyboard" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="160" height="123" align="right" />Picture yourself on the phone with a customer service representative who's trying to take down some of your information to process an order. Now imagine how long it would take with one of THESE emails:</p><p>[email protected]</p>
Why I’ll Never Shop at Express Again
<p><em>The following began as a Yelp review, and ended as a really awesome Yelp review. Thus, a blog entry.</em></p><p>I showed up at the Atlantic Station Express today to return a pair of $23 jeans I had purchased at a different Express store. What happened in the 11 minutes I spent in the Atlantic Station store is almost beyond belief.</p>
From Now On, I Will Calculate My Utility Bill Myself
When you put a Sumo wrestler on a seesaw, you make it hard for the other side to meet you in the middle. That's a bad analogy for "Vertex sucks."
Starbucks All-You-Can-Eat Wi-Fi Porn Buffet
<p><img src="/files/u2/starbucks-porn-wi-fi.jpg" alt="Starbucks free Wi-Fi porn" title="Have you seen my nipples?" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="150" height="134" align="right" />Starbucks just announced that on July 1st, they will offer <a href="http://mashable.com/2010/06/14/starbucks-free-wifi/" title="Mashable.com: Starbucks to Offer Free Wi-Fi at All Stores Nationwide">unconditionally free Wi-Fi</a> (always capitalized, like "Internet" and "Mother Nature" and "BP"!) at all of their stores nationwide. I can only speculate potential reasons they didn't implement this earlier, and none of them hold much water (or should I say, coffee): </p>
Everything But the Bare Essentials
<p><img src="/files/u2/avanti-bare-condoms.jpg" alt="Avanti Bare Condoms" title="Nothing is better. Literally." hspace="5" vspace="5" width="150" height="130" align="right" />In the course of shopping for fine china, I stumbled upon quite possibly the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/review/R2PHCVEZ32EIV2/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm" title="Amazon.com: Avanti Bare Condoms">the funniest (<em>serious</em>) review I've ever read on Amazon</a>. In reference to the Durex Avanti Bare condoms, madmaeve's review "too tight" says:</p>
Staples: That was Hard
<p><img src="/files/u2/staples-easy-button.jpg" alt="Staples Easy button" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="150" height="113" align="right" />I got a pretty decent HP printer last week <a href="http://slickdeals.net/forums/showthread.php?t=1746680" title="Slickdeals.net">through Slickdeals for $25</a>, then found out the USB printer cable it doesn't come with costs $25.99 at Staples.
Facebook: Open and Shut
<p><img src="/files/u2/facebook-book.jpg" alt="Facebook binder" title="Today's Bible" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="135" height="140" align="right" />Sometimes I have nightmares that I went on Facebook and suddenly decided to comment on every single piece of information that appears on the news feed, regardless of how little I know the person, or how awkward the circumstances might be.