<img src="/files/u2/checkbook-hand.jpg" alt="Person writing a check" title="Worst $300 ever" hspace="3" width="150" height="188" align="right" />Here's the easiest way to figure out how rich or poor one of your friends is: write them a check for $300 and see how fast they cash it. <p><strong>1 day:</strong> Broke as hell.
<p><img src="/files/u2/zuckerberg-winklevoss-twins.jpg" alt="Zuckerberg and Winklevoss twins" title="'I've always wanted to have a threesome!'" hspace="4" width="200" height="149" align="right" />Facebook ended up <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/02/10/state/n230703S73.DTL" title="SFGate: Facebook appraisal pegs company's value at $3.7B">paying off the three ConnectU dudes</a> who said Zuckerberg stole their idea somewhere between $31 and $65 MILLION.</p><p>You know how they found out that number, despite all parties going to great lengths to keep it a secret?</p>
<p><img src="/files/u2/facebook-kiss-gift.gif" alt="Facebook kiss virtual gift" title="100 creepy points!" hspace="4" width="76" height="86" align="right" />Guys, here's a simple way to become the creepiest friend ever on Facebook:</p>
<p>Sometimes advertisers like to give us their stuff to give to you for free. It's like a stimulus plan for their product: give the people a little bit and they'll run out and trade it for a huge house they can't afford, only to come running back for more when they can't make the payments. Or something. </p>
<p><img src="/files/u2/human-brain.jpg" alt="Memorization brain" title="Uhh, what comes next again?" width="135" height="157" align="right" />You know what my most regrettable weakness is? Not being able to memorize stuff. It's closely related to my inability to recall certain things I've done in the past, but at least having a bad memory doesn't affect the events themselves. Having no capacity for memorization actually <em>prevents</em> me from doing things (or at least doing them well).</p>
<p>I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day and there was one other guy in there. Pretty ghetto lookin' dude, slouched in his seat a couple of chairs down from me, not looking hard, obviously in distress.</p>
I think Dale Carnegie missed out on a key segment of the population: unborn babies. Imagine if you could just teach people how to win friends and influence people FROM THE WOMB. What else does a fetus really have to do all day besides lay around and get nutrients through a tube?
On Christmas Eve Day one time when I was about 16, my friend and I decided to ruin Christmas for a stranger. Noble goal, I know. And it turns out it's easier than you think.
<p>My buddy is a Top 40 DJ in Little Rock, Arkansas. He goes by the radio name "Jason Cage," and he does a lot of pranks and creative provoking of people (posing sexist questions, subtly making fun of rednecks, etc). He was also the man behind such popular yesteryear online concepts like the "Feed Lindsay" petition, and other encore "Verb Celeb" witticisms. </p>
<img src="/files/u2/lymphoma-cancer.jpg" hspace="4" vspace="3" width="190" height="152" align="right" />Today I saw thousands of people downtown walking around. I asked one of them what they were all walking for and she said "lymphoma." <p>First of all, why do so many people want lymphoma? </p>
All this 9/11 talk is making me tired. How about we only commemorate the 10-, 25- and 50-year anniversaries? Then can we forget?
When we aren't serving up ads for the latest Ben Stiller blockbuster or rot your teeth like a meth addict but too colorful and tasty with vodka to pass up soft drink, occasionally we serve some banners that reflect the content of a page (so you can learn more, for example, about products offered by <a href="/blogs/paul-frank/so-youve-just-killed-prostitute" title="So You've Just Killed a Prostitut