The Power of the Dark Side
Getting rid of the clingy fat on your sides may not involve dieting, just getting the overweight girl to stop following you around. Use the Force.
Comedy Writing
I Know You Read My MySpace Message
When you told me to 'MySpace you' at the bar last night, I really thought we had something special. I would've put you in my Top 8, bitch...
Read This or Stay Fat
Do you want to lose weight but are tired of dieting or trying? Then today is your lucky day! Weight Loss Mania can even help adults with fat kids!
The Playaz Androgynist
In this day and age, hooking up with a girl is like running security at the airport. Nobody is allowed on board until you're sure they're not packing heat.
Original Sin: Blowjob in the Garden
It's midnight in the garden, and the only thing Adam thinks can come of this is good. He was right, but she'd like some warning next time.
I Call This Guy My Roommate
He's every bit as annoying, typical, and disgusting as you'd expect a roommate to be. In fact, I could easily think of 500 more adjectives to describe him...
MySpace Profile Translator: 16-20 Year Old Girls
After browsing thousands of profiles, a pattern has finally been revealed: Girls have the stupidest MySpace profiles ever.
Ohio University Changes Its Mascot to Party-Friendlier Biker Dude
The longtime mascot of Ohio University has changed for the better.
Lost Episodes from Various Family Sitcoms
Thanks to stringent network censorship, some of the best sitcom episodes never aired. This would be the hottest uncut DVD ever.
Internships: Get Paid to Do Nothing
You've secured that ever-elusive and career-advancing position of intern (aka copy machine wench). Here's how to avoid the bulk of the bitchwork.
Oh My God, They Signed Kenny! (You Bastards!)
Kenneth Gorelick, the man who once failed to make his high school jazz band, somehow duped Arista into marketing the dreaded Kenny G.
The Awkward Tension of Leaving a Social Gathering
When I'm about to leave a party at home, I panic. What is the appropriate way to say goodbye to people? Do I go around and shake every single person's hand or just do a big homecoming queen wave to the whole party?