Happenstance, PA

My sense of humor can be summarized with one joke: Q: Why does 6 hate 7? A: Because 7 8 out 9.

Comedy Writing

I Feed Off of Your Hatred

He’s just too stoned to blog. When he’s not writing his columns, he’s probably trying to figure out why onomatopoeia is so ridiculously hard to spell.

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<p>Losin all the lows,<br />they came up,<br />went up,<br />and kicked the little,<br />torpid brownbag of Habit under the skin—<br />and then, God-willing,<br />the next crawl was a soft thirty<br />away.<br /><br />She scratched her pallid arm and brushed the licorice<br />from her temples,<br />asked him, “Why do you write those<br />happy—those pleasant, modest<br />poems,

And the Breakup Pool Winner is…

<span style="font-weight:bold;">Jules!</span><br /><br />Congrats Jules, by selecting the shortest amount of time away in the break-up pool, you've won the chance to write an article for me.<br /><br />Get writing!

C’mon Lil’ Devil: The Story of a Romance Novelist and Yatil Green

There was this stoner to her left, short-cropped, brown hair and a Renaissance-type face smoking some reefer. <br />He yelled from some little Caprice, “Don’t you wanna crack at it, sweet tits?"<br />She said, "No sir, no sir, I’ve got a new epiphany without yer joint.” <br />The green light clicked on and she rolled up her window.

Four Point… Oh… Fuck

After four years of maintaining the highest GPA average one may have in college, I've finally been thwarted by a fucking Italian 102 class. Turns out, you can't just show up to tests for that, not knowing any Italian, and end up doing well. So, the highest grade I can achieve is a B-, getting at least a 94.5% on my final (which is strangely only worth 10% of my grade). I'm opening it up to you...

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