This Week’s Wagers
This Week’s Wagers
All right, now this is where it gets interesting. I lost, and I’m down $60. When you’re down this much, you must bet more that you are out. The deeper in the hole you get, the more each bet matters. And then eventually, you finally get lucky, win a bet, and then never gamble again.
Seriously, never again, God. Just get me that one win.
And this, folks, is why there’s a Gambler’s Anonymous.
Anyway, if I’m going out, I’m going out with a bang. I’m laying a three team Parlay on the big three: Miami (-35), Florida State (-21) and Florida (-27.5). I wagered $50. All three teams need to cover for me to win, but if they do, I win $375. And God as my witness, I will never gamble again.
Then, to hedge that bet and stop the inevitable bleeding, I’m taking the under on the Colts game (46.5). I’m wagering $75.
And finally, to add to the sweet, sweet possibility of payoff here, I’m wagering another $50 on a two team parlay in the NFL. I have the Green Bay Packers (-3) and the Atlanta Falcons (-3). I wagered $50. I can win $140.
So there you go. I have already lost $60 for the year. I have guaranteed expenditures of $8 (juice) on top of the $175 I wagered. It’s getting tricky, sickly and wicky wicky wicky (Huh? Sorry about that. It just snuck in there).
Total Record: 2-3
Total Earnings: -$60
Buccaneers Game Day Wrap Up
Griese scared the living, dead and partially hydrogenated crap out of me. We won that one by the overrule of a very close, possible touchdown. Pittman is good, but he’s no Cadillac. Honestly, I don’t think you can win a Super Bowl with Brian Griese as your QB. Next week is the test. We have no Carnell Williams; just Griese, a penalty prone, young Offensive Line, the best defense in the league, and a prayer.
Oh, and an awesome job by the Bucs Defense yet again last week. I’m throwing them a Wooooo!
And a “Hot Damn!”
And oh (why the hell not), I’m giving them a “wicky, wicky, wicky” ‘cause man do they play sickly (I don’t know what that means).
College Note
A brief sampling of some messages left on my voice mail after USF lost by 20 points (barely covering the spread) to Miami:
“So, I went to this game in Miami. Apparently, USF snuck in and got to play them in some kind of scrimmage or something. That’s nice of Miami to let USF feel like a big school. Maybe in ten years, they’ll know how to play. Y’all are coming along well.”
–Brian, Miami software tech and amateur jackass
“Hey man, next time you decide to hop a fence and run around on the field, why don’t you take some time out of your life and teach that team how to tackle, and, oh I don’t know, perhaps even let them in on how to complete a pass?”
–Kevin, entrepreneur and professional jerk
“Hey, at least you guys got to play two top ten teams in a row. That has to make you feel good.”
–My Dad
“That game was like that time I thought I had a chance with a real hot chick, and then right when I was about to make my move, she smacked the ever loving shit out of me.”
–Steve, student and professional football drinker
“Hey Dude, so when is this great football team gonna come to town? I’ve been waiting all week. Isn’t somebody good supposed to play Miami? Anyway, give me a call back and let me know.”
–Josh, who can rot in hell for all I care
Thanks friends and family. To quote Lawrence Ferlinghetti, “I raise my middle finger in the only proper salute.”
Punks.