Day 1

Post-it stuck on a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein: “CEO.”

Day 2

Post-it stuck on the door of the fridge, partially covering the picture of Doris from marketing, our employee of the month: “Who took my peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein yesterday? CEO.”

Second Post-it, further covering Doris: “Replace it with one tomorrow and no questions will be asked. CEO.”

Third Post-it, covering Doris completely: “This company will not succeed if I’m not allowed to operate at peak performance.”

Post-it stuck on a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein: “CEO. Do not take unless you are the CEO of this company.”

Day 3

Full sheet of U.S. letter-sized paper taped to the fridge: “Whoever is taking my smoothies, it’s not funny. You are not the CEO. You are not keeping this company afloat. You were supposed to bring a replacement. I expect it by 1pm or there will be consequences. CEO.”

Day 4

Full sheet of U.S. letter-sized paper taped to the fridge: “Congratulations to the smoothie thief. You ruined it for everyone. Coming into the office is a privilege, not a right. Starting tomorrow we will be a fully remote company. You broke a sacred bond and all employees will now suffer. CEO.”

Post-it stuck on a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie: “CEO. No extra protein so it’s not even worth taking.”

Day 5

Full sheet of U.S. letter-sized paper taped to the fridge, later sent as an image in a company-wide email after realizing no one would otherwise be able to see it: “Who was bringing in the delicious Caesar salad that was usually in the break room fridge? The one with roasted chicken and rosemary croutons. Their department no longer qualifies to work remotely. CEO.”

Day 6

Post-it stuck on a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein: “CEO. Anyone caught stealing will be immediately terminated.”

Post-it stuck on a delicious Caesar salad with roasted chicken and rosemary croutons, placed upon discovering the salad in the fridge: “CEO.”

Day 7

Post-it stuck on a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein: “POISON. DO NOT CONSUME. CEO.”

Day 8

Engraved plaque on a 24 by 36 inch foam board picture of Doris from marketing placed on an easel next to the refrigerator: “In remembrance. Who knows the passwords for the advertising tools she was using?”

Post-it stuck on a large padlock connected to an industrial-grade chain wrapped around the refrigerator door handles: “CEO.”

Day 9

Full sheet of U.S. letter-sized paper taped to the foam board picture of Doris, partially covering her face: “Seriously, we need access to our advertising tools, Doreen had them set to spend money like crazy. Who knows those passwords?”

Post-it stuck on a large padlock and chain wrapped around the refrigerator door handles: “Has anyone seen the key?”

Day 10

A second full sheet of U.S. letter-sized paper taped to the foam board picture of Doris, covering the rest of her face: “If the person who was bringing in the delicious Caesar salad with roasted chicken and rosemary croutons was impacted by today’s layoffs, which were, as discussed extensively this morning, definitely and absolutely not caused by the irresponsible advertising spend that happened because none of you took the time to know Doretta well enough for her to share her passwords, please speak with HR, we will find a new role for you. CEO.”

Post-it stuck on a large padlock and chain wrapped around the refrigerator door handles: “New fridge is arriving Monday. Please observe a moment of silence for the now and forever entombed peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein. CEO.”

Day 11

Post-it stuck on a peanut butter and chocolate smoothie with extra protein: “CEO.”

Post-it stuck on a delicious Caesar salad with roasted chicken and rosemary croutons: “CEO.”

Post-its stuck on the dozens and dozens of other, arguably less delicious, Caesar salads with roasted chicken and rosemary croutons: “CEO.”