Observations like your First Time

I just want to hand it to Sunday for being an awesome sports day for me. I won a hundred bucks thanks to the Packers and the Bucs, which isn't all that much money but it pulled me back to double my initial football season investment ($100). Anyway, money won is sweet and I won some. So that was nice. Thanks, Sunday.

I was also pulled out of a personal rut by a football team. I know that seems kind of sad to a lot of the people reading this, but fuck you. You probably place too much emotional emphasis on something I think is stupid, like bocce ball (freak).

Anyway, as I was lying on the couch, sick, hungover, my apartment trashed, slow to motivation and even slower to happiness, a kid named Micheal (that is not a misspelling, actually) Spurlock returned a kick for a touchdown, which may not seem like much to you (I mean, we were playing the Falcons), but this was the first kick return for a touchdown in Buc's franchise history (31 years). To put that in perspective, the Bears have more than ten over the last three seasons. Anyway, after the Super Bowl win in '02, Bucs fans kind of stopped talking about the streak. It was in the back of our heads, kind of like knowledge of a millionaire relative's homosexuality. It didn't matter. It was just a weird quirk. After all, we were Super Bowl Champions. Who cared about a kickoff returned for a touchdown after that?

But still, I was thrilled when Spurlock changed the franchise forever with one play. Fox's announcer also nailed the call. He apparently had full knowledge of the kickoff return drought but had not mentioned it at all until it was all but over (he called it a curse but whatever). He even freaked out when the touchdown was in the end zone and yelled, "Santa Maria!" I have no idea why he yelled "Santa Maria," and yet I couldn't have agreed more. Anyway, six hours later, my place was clean, my disposition was centered and I was once again happy to be alive. Am I the most stable human in my zip code? To borrow from KSK's Big Daddy Drew: Fuck and yes.

And the Dolphins won. I have plenty of friends who are Dolphins fans, and though it has been fun ribbing them and listening to the responding derisive comments, the collective sigh of relief I heard from the Keys all the way up to St. Augustine was a reward in itself, Sunday. The "sigh of relief" celebration is always an awesome one because the relief win (as I call it) is never a win that anyone can get cocky about. It's like, the winning fan says things like, "It's about time" and "at least we won one lousy game" but they are all wearing one huge collective "Phew" on their sleeves. And it's fun to see.

Oh, and Brett Favre broke another record or something. I forget.

Also, in semi-sports-related news, it looks like Xavier Holland will be the other half of the NFL playoff email exchange this year. I haven't done one of these in a while and I've never done one with Xavier, but the two goals of the exchange (besides just being funny) are always: exposing different perspectives and contrasting different writing styles. So, at least I'm sure we'll hit our goals.

I love this fucking time of the year. Well, except for the cold fronts. We recently had a cold front come in and tonight it's supposed to get down to 34 Fahrenheit. Which means that there is a chance, however slight, that we'll get snow. I had ice on my windshield this morning, which in Tampa is about as common as gators in Minnesota. Anyway, I hate this kind of weather. It makes me want to injure wildlife and then denies me the wildlife to injure. Wrap your brain around that irony, I dare you. But here's the deal, the last time Tampa had snow was '77. The Bucs inaugural season was '76. And the Bucs just broke the Kickoff TD Return Drought. Maybe this is the year for snow. One never knows and all that.

And finally, because logic and fluidity are out searching for that asshole who keyed their car, I leave you with the following, which was told to me by my friend, Mike.

"Micheal Spurlock just made me come."

Labels: observations

Your vote:

No votes yet