Hi Daddy!

I know I haven't written to you since I left Lake Placid 6 months ago to pursue fortune and fame in the form of a record deal, but I wanted to remind you that your little girl is still alive and trying to "make it" in New York! Read More »

Look at my fucking Canada Goose jacket! Fucking look at it!! Do you know what this jacket means?! It means I'm warm as fuck right now! That's right! I have a long day ahead of me, but I sure as hell won't be as cold as you idiots in your moderately priced winter clothes!! I'm the fucking creative director for the fourth biggest tech blog on the East Coast! Go visit our website! Read More »

With 2011 coming to an end, it's time that we reflect on what a great year it's been, especially with the highly anticipated 2012 most-likely-zombie-apocalypse just around the corner. Read More »

Technology continues to amaze me. Every year, our society is introduced to a new device capable of "accidentally" taking another compromising picture. In fact, the technology has gotten so good that you don't even need to send the picture for it to end up online anymore! Read More »

Doing Work

You think work involves doing the most,
So the boss doesn't think that you coast,
But look at that man,
With the paper in hand,
He's known as the corporate ghost. Read More »

Dear Warren, Read More »

The following is a resignation letter from the most respected man in a society as secretive as Skull and Bones and as influential as The Illuminati. It was found in a place where one would expect to find such a letter—in a very secretive place few people have access to (write your own fucking joke). I've wanted to put it in a place where nobody would ever look, so I'm posting it here: Read More »

Choosing a summer activity to pass these long days off can be difficult; you could fly kites, start a neighborhood dictatorship, do math, do meth, get a part-time job, get fired for doing meth in the back room, or have a baby. The world is your Cloyster. Read More »

If you're reading this, it's probably because you're in desperate need of advice and have nowhere left to turn. So you got your girlfriend pregnant, it's not the end of the world! Well it is the end of YOUR world, but in general it's not like there's gonna be a "river-of-fire"-style apocalypse. Read More »

Hey guys, did you hear? Osama bin Laden is dead!!! Yay! We can finally get back to worrying about that earthquake, or that flooding, or that radiation. Actually, let's hold off on that stuff for another week and celebrate the fact that we found and killed a guy that most of us forgot existed. I haven't been this happy since last year, when I found a Kinder Surprise from Easter of '99. Read More »

Wow, look at you! You got finally got a Facebook! Good timing, I hear this thing might catch on! Read More »

Greetings fellow commuters, Read More »

As someone who doesn't care for the outside world, news of this week's quake didn't shake me up as much as everyone else. Fortunately I said a quick prayer and updated my Twitter avatar, so I'm sure it's only a matter of time until things get dry again. Read More »

Unless you've been busy leading a revolution in the Middle East all week, you've probably heard about Charlie Sheen. After being accused by his co-workers of coming to work stoned, and sometimes not at all, Charlie inexplicably lashed out at them for making him look unstable. Read More »

It's a widely accepted fact that if you wander through life spouting one witty line after another at the appropriate moments, you'll be greeted by raucous laughter and thunderous applause. At least that's what sitcoms—specifically laugh tracks—have engineered us to believe. In reality it's hard to get people to laugh at your shitty jokes; any stand-up comedian will tell you that. Read More »