How to Make Your Pussy Taste and Smell Better

Ladies, it's your lucky day: gather your supplies and freshen up.

>>> The Lady's Shave
By staff writer NG Hatfield
September 5, 2007

Dedicated to Simi, whose pure, innocent soul knew little of what I'd dedicate when I said, “I'll dedicate this next piece to you.”

To catch a glimpse of how inconceivably stupid most of you readers are, the higher-ups at PIC have provided me with a tool called I don't have the patience to give you all a comprehensive list of the shit it does for me, but in layman's terms: this site shows me what people type into Google or Yahoo to find my shit. While some stick around and read, most leave…as the majority of internet users are actually looking for porn.


But really, it makes me laugh when I think about how many 50-year-old men have typed in “drunken sluts” and found one of my articles… instead of a video of Allison Parks getting double-fisted by a black guy eating a turnip and a white guy with a “My name is Court Sullivan” t-shirt on.

For the record: that's just speculation…but c'mon…the internet is a massive place.

Either way, for some reason, I've recently been getting the keywords “how to make my pussy taste and smell better” or some other variance at least once a day for the last two months. And since I've never done something like that, well ladies…it's you're fucking lucky day.

This week, I present (with no remorse):

How to Make Your Pussy Taste and Smell Better

"Depending on the severity of your rank ass vagina, leeches may shrivel up and die in your coot."

When I was a young lad, I worked as a busser for a fancy restaurant in Cumberland called JB's Steakhouse. There, an old bartender named Paul would sit and smoke and tell me about all the fucked up shit he had heard in the days I hadn't been working. Well, one story (that is very applicable to what we're about to talk about so keep reading you dumb fucks) went like this:

So one day this lawyer comes home very late from work and goes upstairs to see his newlywed wife naked on their bed. She wasn't just naked, you see, but also covered in whipped cream. However, unfortunately for all of you reading right now and for our lawyer friend, no fucking happened that night. She was asleep.

Apparently, she was trying to seduce him, but because of his tardiness, was unable to stay awake. So, the man wakes up his girlfriend and she goes off to the bathroom to clean up and they head to bed with a laugh. Days later, the woman becomes violently ill. Her pussy feels awful. Even if we forget the fact that, according to her husband, this woman's pussy looks like a brown recluse bite, he tells my bartender pal that it smells like skunked beer and tastes like formaldehyde.

Well, apparently this girl can't take the vaginal pain anymore. She thinks, “Hey, I haven't had my period, and I'm having all of this pain…I might be preggo.” So off she goes to see her gynecologist. There, on the table, she spreads her legs and sure enough, the doc shoves the duckbill up in there, vices it open and there, up in her shit is a nest of fucking cockroach eggs, with mama cockroach feeding on the bitch's discarded blood and egg.

Yes…she had an infestation of the pussy.

Now, before you stop reading (Statcounter also tells me how long you all read this shit, so don't think I won't know you pansy), I want to let you know that when I tell you ladies how to clean up your coochie, I'm keeping this woman in mind. For you see, her pussy is the dirtiest thing I can humanly stomach. If my patented technique works for her, it has to work for you…and if not…you've got some raunchy shit up in there girl. Call your local Orkin man or kill yourself or something.

But really, let's face it lady-reader, it's no surprise that you're here. Your flea-ridden horsemeat curtains are steaming in the summer heat…not to mention the simple fact that you want all of that pussy plaque removed via the fingers and/or tongue and/or cock of a helpless freshman.

Well slut, here's the way to make your pussy taste and smell better.

First you will need the following supplies:

- One barbeque skewer
- One garden hose: 22 feet in length
- A funnel
- One bottle high-end liquor
- One can compressed air
- One pack razor blades
- One blow-torch
- Three quarts rubbing alcohol
- One pack Big League Chew bubblegum
- Sewing kit (Amount of thread varies, depending largely upon vaginal depth, length and elasticity)

1. Top Down and Dig for Oil

When a man washes a car, he starts on the top and washes down. When a woman correctly washes her pussy, she starts from the deepest regions and works out. So, the first thing you want to do is stick the barbeque skewer through the garden hose near the top, at a very low angle. Then, use the skewer as a guide to force the garden hose deep into the vaginal cavity. You'll know you've gone far enough when you hear a clicking, popping, or spurting sound.

You may bleed a little, but just as the ancient peoples of Persia have taught us about math and astronomy, we know that blood-letting is a helpful, painless practice. You may even want to go the extra yard and insert a few leeches into the area to clean out some of the scum.

Warning: Depending on the severity of your rank ass vagina, leeches may shrivel up and die in your coot before they are able to clean any scum.

2. Gotta Let It Burn

The next step involves a friend. From a safe distance away, have your friend connect the funnel to the top of the hose and pour the three quarts of rubbing alcohol into your uterus. This may burn, but that's just God's way of saying, “Hey, you didn't really think I was going to let you get double penetrated and not suffer a little, did you?”

Once finished, use the razor blades to cut small divots into your labia, as a biomechanical means of siphoning the rubbing alcohol out of your vagina.

Warning: Be sure to score your skin deep enough to bleed, but not enough to cut an artery. Men already dislike having to deal with your bloody cavity once a month, let alone the time it takes you to hemorrhage to death.

3. Light It Up

Once the rubbing alcohol begins to leak out of your ax wound, you will once again insert the barbeque skewer. Once you pry it open, use the blowtorch and the can of compressed air to ignite the rubbing alcohol and burn up.

Warning: The rubbing alcohol might remove some of your nail polish. You may want to use latex gloves.

Another Warning: If you put the can of condensed air too close to the area you're spraying it on, it'll freeze and kill all of the cells. This can be a useful tool in douching sperm or inducing an abortion, but not making your pussy taste better.

4. Freshen Up with the Flavor of Love

Now that your shit is finally clean, you're going to want to remove the taste of garden hose, rubbing alcohol and most importantly, your old vagina (not to be confused with “This Old Vagina,” a new Bob Vila project). This can be done most efficiently by dipping an entire pack of Big League Chew in the bottle of high-end liquor and then placing the gum around the mouth of your hole.

Warning: Be sure to ask your guy what liquor he prefers. Do not assume. If you get Cyclone and he hates Cyclone—as he should—all of your efforts will be in vain.

5. Close It Off for Good

After 24 hours of letting the gum's flavor soak into your pussy and the cuts on your pussy, you will remove it. The aforementioned sewing kit is the most integral part of this process, as after this is all completed, you should stitch that nasty, nasty shit up forever and ever.

I promise, if you don't do this, it'll go back to smelling like cod within the week. After all, you're a dirty whore and nothing, and I mean nothing, can improve the smell of shame.

So that's it ladies, I hope you understand now why I hate you all.

And oh yeah, if you're wondering, I'm quite partial to Jack Daniels.

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Fuck cockroaches

You are a perverted sick fuck who is obviously a loner who knows nothing about girls let alone pussy. Maybe if you got off your computer and stoped thinking so highly of yourself ,and got out there ,anywere, you could see what girls really are into and maybe find someone who will fuck you. Nah I've been with anouf ladies to know anyone who fucks you would only be doing it out of pity . Next time you write something like that think of your mothers pussy and the sick fucking ugly attitude of a worm that came out of her pussy , YOU. Don't bother replying ill never again waste my time reading shit like yours again.

Omg this is the funniest comment ive read on the whole internet!

Thank you for expressing my exact feelings after readin this shit

Anonymous for a reason I bet... This is hate literature. You're both incredibly disturbed - I'm sure you see that as a badge of honour. You want society to wash its hands of you so you can continue to justify your petty woman-hating grivances. Whatever. In any case, you should both be be made aware that these hate-filled posts have been noted and recorded for future use in your impending homicide trials. You social hand grenades think far too much of your own cleverness. I'm tired of your kind. Unoriginal. Uninformed. Unforgiving. Haters.

Insert giant shrug here.

Take care.

absolutely fucking terribad, put your hands in a blender and never touch a keyboard again.

Totally agree. Whoever wrote this should never be near a vagina! (I'm sure he's getting TONS this way....) Lady's man with a creative mind? More like a loser who isn't worth he weight in shit!

No I am sure he is worth more than his weight in shit.

i soo agree. maybe these women just want to see if their is a way to please their man more. you are a complete jack ass and you should not be allowed on the computer.

I totally agree with you. I also want to strangle this loser, he's not just offensive to women but the whole human race. He obviously hasn't had a good Woman, or if he is Gay a good man with that attitude, and he probably never will. And I don't even know how I came across this, but I really wish I hadn't, cause I wouldn't be feeling sick right not, just cause ya have a dick doesn't mean you have to act like one (Yes I am female).
Get a life you loser, and go get layed, if you can find anyone willing to have your dick inside them

I could not agree more. Very well said.

At first I thought this seemed funny, but very soon I realized that, as you said, this dude is a sick, stupid fuck who would be lucky to find himself ANY girl who wants to have sex with him.. even with a ''brown recluse bite'' pussy. ...I mean, seriously did he have to fucking include the google image link? I almost vomitted.

smh when i saw this i started rollen because here a scientific theory for a stupid dumb ass like him it was most likely crabs roaches can not live in your vaginal area most bugs need oxygen and food or water so the dude that said this funny shit was obviously either needs to go kill his self or something because he has no idea what the hell he talkin about funny story though give him props for sticking dick up his own ass and sucking his on his cock just so he can chock on his worlds lmao

Ayo, what's your issue? If he's got issues wit pussy, fine! Obviously you don't have to worry bout him tryna get up in yours, so there's no problem! Calm yo ass, hun.

well done bill jack bob. "Perverted Sick Fuck" is a perfect description for this disgusting self indulged loser. Girls have issues with there pussies, nobody's perfect. When we try solving our problems and look it up on the internet, the last thing we want is some asshole practically teasing us and thinking they're the shit. dude, get a life, you have some serious issues. have fun attempting getting layed with an attitude like that.

but...i think this articles not serious. since its completely obviously not serious.

If you're all pissed off at this.. is it because you experienced '' Smelly vagina '' ? It's not because we laugh about it that we're sick fucks. We just have a different humour. =)

no ure a sick fuck who probably cant nd wont evr get laid!!! if u do i hope u get wateva u catch!!!kodi


This guy be trollin, obviously. TROLOLOLOLOL, hahahaha

Nice response bill jack bob- I actually just came across this web page while looking up "I like the smell of my own pussy". No shit, I might be a wanker but its the truth and wanted to know if other women felt the same way!

But this article, is so filthily misogynistic, it makes me concerned about what your ultimate intention was in writing this? Good luck to you, we can smell it that you have never had ANY pussy juice on your weener cock. I feel a lot of pride in Natural Selection and Survival of the Fittest since reading your article :)

I think thats very hot. I love women who lick their fingers after masturbating.

well hey the one who said ummmmm i love women u lick there fingures after masterbateing i masterbate and my pussy is wet right now were u from emial me at kk

Haha, good for you! I agree completely on the misogynistic front. But this post, both the How To "Guide" and the roach story, are too moronic to be offensive. Note to the writer of it: stop masturbating your lonely, miniscule cock for a second and pick up a fucking book. Maybe after you'll be able to learn about pussy first-hand... though I doubt any self-respecting woman would come within a five foot radius of your lobotomized pig head.

yeh word up to that shit. this website is a load of bollucks. you sound so proud of your content on here, but really its sucks ass man. i just feel sorry for you. and i mean you should really, really get out a little bit. you might be in danger of becoming normal. the bedroom is a dark place my friend, and evidently the internet without a life can really fuck your mind up.
i hope you sort yourself out, for your own sake!

Your a fuckn retard man there is more to a woman than her pussy and you will never know

Thats a REAL man

If you are going to bash someones article, then try this. Spelling words correctly. You see in the article concerned, the lad actually took time to spell things correctly. Now since you can barely spell 'stopped', I can only assume one of two things. Either you are too young to even know what a vagina really is. Or your just helplessly ignorant. People write these things for entertainment. They don't care what you believe about what they have written. In fact, sometimes they don't care at all. But most just want to see how many people laugh, or respond critically at their work.

And I think that stuff was funny a hell!
But he forgot to mention that moles can be used to eat the insects out of the vaginal cavities of a slut as well. I propose that as a first step. Of course don't forget to take it out. Or you will have one drunk ass mole in your pussy.

You spelled "you're" wrong.

I just thought someone as into perfect spelling as yourself should know. :x

Actually if you looked carefully he did not spell a single word incorrectly, he just had incorrect grammer and used the wrong word, just like you did.

If you will notice he did not spell a single word incorrectly, he did however have incorrect grammer and used the wrong word. Just like you did.

It sounds like the 'Random Reader' is the writer of the article.

BOO! Random reader, that was very lame. Go kill yourself.

.......SICK HOE

Why the hell are you bothering with grammar usage you pathetic moron. Get a Life your insulting someone over how they had misspelled something. Wow, you sir are simply pathetic. Your probably a small immature 10 year old. Find yourself life because you'll need one you lonely deprived scum called man.

Random Reader
If you think any part of this if "funny" then your just as big a DICK as the other guy. It's things like this that make women victims of abuse. This sick, disrespectful attitude is exactly why women are raped and beat everyday... Neither of you can possible have any respect for any women (including your mothers), let alone the human race and speak this way. I find that men who act like this big of an ass are just trying to make up for their small minds and small dicks. He's just angry than NO ONE will suck his dirty, smelly, inadequate dick... Here's the real kicker men - we don't like to suck dick for the sake of sucking dick - never have never will - if you have ever tried to understood women then you know the only time we like to suck dick is if your a good man who treats us well - then it's actually a pleasure to please your man that way... maybe if you ever took the time to treat a woman with respect you would realize that a woman who trusts her man in the bedroom is willing to enjoy everything... Non judgement in the bedroom is key - men can be so stupid, you want us to be sluts in the bedroom, then you judge us for it and wonder why we don't want to suck your dick... Really?...

Awww...did u get you feelings hurt? poor thing.

that is so true! that was the fucken stupidest story i ever read jesus christ

You are obviously gay if you hate pussy that much. So how do you know your technique works? Did your daddy give you a rubbing alchohol/gasoline enema with a coat hanger before he molested you and shoved bubble gum up your ass so you could fart out cum-filled bubbles?

Lol doesn't begin to express the laughter this comment evoked in me, I think I burned off a couple hundred calories laughing. Although I can't help but feel a little sympathy for this guy, because at some point while writing this he must have thought he was being witty and/or funny, only realizing all to late that the brilliant work he tried to create was in fact a steaming pile of shit. I honestly hope he find a girlfriend to slap him upside the head for writing such stupid ill-planned things.

i agree! totally! can't believe this person would waste someone's time like this! this is obviously someone who is mad about a personal problem, but does not need to be so damn vulger and sinful.

I agree, and I feel bad for this ignorant fool!
His parents probably never loved him.
This guy tattally has some psychological
Problems... I can tell he was abused, but
I believe it was sexual abuse at a young age.
He should seriously get some help.

thank u god what an ass he is he needs a life but i think even god didn't wanna waste one on him

-SUCK MY EXTRA WET BALLS!!!!! ...............................................................................................................................................................................HOE

Nobody wants to suck your extra wet balls so give it a rest idiot.

I mean, REALLY. If this wasted your time so much to read it, WHY DID YOU? HONESTLY, how STUPID do you have to be to not realize that this is a retarded post. And if you're searching around on google for "woman pussy taste better" you OBVIOUSLY had a lot of time on your hands anyway. WHO THE FUCK SEARCHES FOR PORN ON GOOGLE!? Pssht. I think I know what happened. You were spankin it, googling for porn. You saw this, and stopped to read it. And your mommy came home and you never got to finish you fap session, huh? Did I hit home? Did I hit the nail on the hammer?

Now that is funny.(your response) The article I just didn't get the humor. The reason I stumbled on your site was slightly for slightly different reasons. So anyway what did your mommy think of your article? (just kidding, I apologize and will hereby respect your art of humor)

what kind of nut are you ? I've never heard such filth in my life - then again, the internet is a massive place - Loaded with freaks and weirdos. Hmm I'd say that makes up for about 99.9 % of earths population. Grow Up!

Not really I was just really curious as to know. Did you know for a man to have better tasting sperm ,he could eat fruit? Well certain type. Maybe a wandering women wanted to increase her sex life for the benifit of her and her partner.

i'm sorry, but do you really mean this?

you are talking about women.

you are talking about your mother, sister, etc..

why would you talk about women like that?

I hope you get hugs today, and feel really happy- and that someone pulls you out of this painful place you are in.


SHUT UP. This guy made a sick joke and you got all serious about it. You stanking pussy hoe.Gerbils are the best for cleaning vaginas just gotta watch the teeth, they got real sharp teeth.

Dingdong - your brain is dead if you don't think this is serious - hundres of not thousands of women are raped and abused, and literally kidnapped and sold into the sex trade every single day... because of attitudes like this... Speaking out against shit like this is the only chance we have to make the world a safe place for women... wait till your really "in love" then maybe you will know why this is very, very serious... chances are you have friends that have been abused and/or raped and are to afraid to walk alone in their own neighborhood let alone tell you the truth... I hope have you have a little girl when you have kids - your entire outlook with change

Shut the fuck up you stupid little pile of shit. noone asked your opinion, skank. now go on and clean your orifices before you get hanged for performing witchcraft you silly little shit.

THANK YOU! at least someone said what i was feeling. the original poster was probably dumped one too many times. the sad fuck.

It is a satire you dumb fuck

dude, you're my hero. very nicely put. this guy obviously doesn't get pussy

exactly! that was so disgusting.. i only half read it :( i feel sick now.

Lol I only half read it too. I grossed me out to even think about having roaches in my pussy >_<
I was searching why does smelling alcohol wake you up from fainting.

It got nasty and retarded, Idk why people think this is funny too

!00% in agreement - what a pathetic waste of space!

YES ! "bill jack bob watever" comment....THE GREATEST RESPONSE, what a waste of a a few minutes reading that absolute filth, i agree! great comment to the one who wrote such filthy garbage!

big man on campus

lol right?
bet he hasn't gotten laid since he got to college... hm wonder why. misogyny is SUPER attractive, fellas. Vaginas are sweet, tender flowers, not-- I'm gonna stop myself right there. I don't need to regurgitate your filth.

this made my day!

This is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever read.

sooooo fucking hilarious

I thought it was fucking hilarious


You are an arsehole 'in extremis' matie! If, that is, you understand what I mean - LoL!

doesnt matter's picture

okay...seriously whoever wrote this is a fucking idiot! Dumb ass articles like this is a waste of time for anyone, and obviously whoever did this article has way too much time on their hands..get a life...i mean shit its not our fault that you cant get the next time your sitting in your house thinking about your pathetic life and need something else to write is an idea for you...fuckovers like yourself!!!

If he has no life for writing this article then what does that you for reading an commenting on it?

Wow, so what was it that created the monster, did your mother not hug you enough as a child? Or is it that you can't get any pussy yourself? Or perhaps you just have a pencil dick, and nobody wants to take it for a ride :( Well, at any rate as amusing as your very lame attempt to belittle women and the general population was (because your of much higher intelligence, right?), anyone can see that someone such as yourself who casts aspersions would only do so because they fear those same qualities in their own flawed self.
So give yourself a pat on the back, go find yourself a nice boyfriend who will coddle you, and perhaps a good therapist can properly medicate you with a much needed dose of mother's love.

You're so rank disgusting, it's beyond words. Why don't you do us a favor and kill yourself? "Minds" and mouths like yours shouldn't be walking the planet.

i totally agree!!!! this pissed me off

You're crazy as fuck, man.


uhm... dump alcohol into the uterus, cut it up, set it on fire, and sow it closed? wtf? are you a homo or some shit? whats wrong with you man? pussy is pussy it don't matter if it stinks as long as there's no infestation like that other chick. get her to blow you and fuck her you dont gotta worry about how it smells


Actually, it's spelled chlamydia. Good job Einstein .

You just made my day. Correcting that sad mother f*cker.

I got this sent to me in a chain. Was told to look it up.
At first,I thought this was funny as hell.
But then I realized,your straight up sick.
I am bi,so I'm not hating on you if your gay.
Just dont hate on pussy!
It was entertaining.
Until,the you know,crazy part.
Go,consult the councoulours.


this is some funny shit from a bored person but at least hes bored and honest most of us think like this but act like women men are down trodden since womens rights ahahahhahahah all the bad in this world is caused by women and money after all would you wanna watch some horse fuk a chik if a chik didnt think of it they r the ones who bring it on themselves ahahahha

Wow you sexist mother fucker. You probably haven't gotten laid in a long time if you speak and think like this. Where you a deprived child who got rapped by his father? Most likely...YES. You blame women for everything? Honestly I blame assholes like you for ruining our fucking economy you disgusting shit.

my father couldn't rhyme to save his life. also, i'm not sure how this article has hurt the economy...if anything there should be a rather large Home & Garden boom. also, if you're not getting the humor, why not just...ya know... fuck off :)

There is NO humor in encouraging the mutilation of women - especially since it happens every fucking day - all over the world - by sick fucks who are scared of vagina - COWARDS - it's so sad....I hope you come back as a woman in the congo - maybe then you'll have a clue... By the way sucking dick is only fun if you actually care for and respect the man... otherwise it's just gross... and with an attitude like this I don't think they'll be lining up to suck yours any time soon...

haha you get no pussy

Pardon arsehole?

As effective as this all sounds for girls that have nasty vaginas this did not help me on making my sweet pussy any sweeter!! Although it was funny to read!! But I guess Im just a sick perverted girl that finds humor in this redonculously hilarious scenorio!! Whats scarier is that I bet some girl out there is stupir enough to try it...I would.... but none of my friends would pour the alcohol into the funnel (they would highly disapprove and then admitt me into a mental hopsital for even consieving the though of damaging my pussy in any way!). Jack would actually be my preference of alcohol (luv my boy Jack and some does my man). So instead Im just gonna drink some cranberry, pineapple juice or eat some apples, oranges, pinapples, or any other citric foods, and stay away from onions garlic, brusstle sprouts, and broccli to acomplish my goal!!! (by the way for the girls actually intrested in making ur pussy sweeter there it is!!!!)

" But I guess Im just a sick perverted girl that finds humor in this redonculously hilarious scenorio!!

Whats scarier is that I bet some girl out there is stupir enough to try it...I would....

but none of my friends would pour the alcohol into the funnel "

I will.

Wow. You are SO clever, it astounds me.

Not many gay men feel so open about cussing.

I'll send you some anal beads for you and your husband, fuckin asshole.

Eat up.

Billie Hellcat's picture

It takes an intelligent person to appreciate the humor in the article. Provo! I enjoyed it and this is a superb example of how to create the element of shock versus surprise.

Anyone whom chooses to get offended should take into consideration, these articles are not aimed towards the PC end of the spectrum (which is why they work).

Although I agree and think this was pretty funny, maybe you ought to spell and grammar check your replies before you submit them. Just a thought.

You shy or something?

Hahaha that's was funny shit. I can't help but wonder how many dumb stank whores were trying to find a way to get rid of their horrible smelling floppy sloppy pussy stink and found this. If u are offended u eaither suffer from pussy rot your self or were looking for a way to stomach your girls dirty clam hole.

oka wtf?
if you want you pussy to smell better all you have 2 do is wash the lips & the G-spot with warm water & soap and you do that for the rest of the pussy. but the key is you have to shave down there 2 release some of the smell b/c if it's hairy your going to have a scent regardless! all that burnin ish is not nesseccary.
but after that keep your hygeine up

Soap and water on the G-spot? Your not supposed to put water on the inside of your "there", because it's a selfcleaning organ.

Dirtiness knows no gender.

Be careful when you're sleeping and your shit is just laying around on your nasty ass bed you sick fuck.

* I did think this article was funny at first, then started getting annoyed at all the side notes attacking the reader... then it just got out of hand. You sound like you either just got dumped and are in a rage, or you have never gotten laid by anyone other than a prostitute.

Do us all a favor and do what all these guys are doing.

By the way, you're a horrible writer. Your HUGE ego (not to be confused with the huge sock you put in your pants every morning) that you have made well aware to your readers, make it even more apparent that you don't know what you're talking about what-so-ever.

Good try, though.

How stupid could ur ass be dumb ass ppl

LMFAO wow....yea ur problemed....but i aint gonna say dat shit didnt make meh laugh m'ass off :)).............. So u like dick huh? =)))

Awe Shucks.
I actually thought it would be a real write up.. and not a Joke topic.

fuck yeah

You are seriously a dumb ass. Your education is probably not going to do you any good. Have you presented this to your mother? I'm sure she is proud. First you ass, all women will have health issues with their vaginas periodically. The fact that you mentioned whip cream in the beginning of the story leads me to believe that the cream may have caused the infection. A women's vagina has healthy bacteria that can be thrown off balance by soaps, food items, etc. Sorry you feel that you need to hate women just because you are gay. Your attempt at comedy only made you a clown.

You are fucked. There are people on the internet who are stupid enough to take this seriously. Egad.

I got here by googling "im gonna stick my big white dick up your ass"

Mike Lamb's picture

a comedy article by Mark Twain

"Hit yourself in the head with a hammer. This will make you smarter."

Anonymous said: WTF?! a hammr? thats just fukin retarded hammers dont make you smatr your fukig stupid if you thin that i hope you kill yrslf fag!

Anonymous said: This is the most offensive piece of shit I have ever read. My little brother killed himself with a hammer because of you! I hope you burn in hell you asshole nazi motherfucker!!!

Anonymous said: you are stupid if you think this will work. your parents must not love you or else you would never write such hateful things. you are not clever and anyone who thinks you are is a sick fuck.

Anonymous said: LOLZ!!! mArk tWa1n is gay!!!

borrrrrring! obvii, you dick, are a homosexual. go sit on a pole. (:

bill jack bob must have sand in his vagina... wow, he's one angry lady! who'd have thought that a girl with a dude's name would be so violent when it came to pussy? i guess the sense of humor fairy needs to donkey-punch that ugly mouth of his... really, she's got too much time on his hands if she thinks we care about what he thinks. another useless person heard from. make that 50,000,001 to date!

this was the funnest thing i have read

This made me laugh so hard. Good lord, you people get so butthurt. Don't take things so seriously and pull that giant stick out of your ass. This shit is funny.

Wow what an ass hole and what gose around will come around u
Will get what u sole. As for now ur not worth
My time dumbest bloged ever wrote. U Sud be ashAmed

Great blog also check out Which has some related topics and food to make you taste better and food to avoid.

That was so unimaginably sick...kudos!

So, I'm aware that your bartender friend Paul was just telling you a story, but in your retelling, you should probably be consistent.

Was she his newlywed wife, or girlfriend? You stated both. Article immediately loses credibility. Sorry, dude.

Credibility? hahahaha.

Okay. I didn't realize. hahaha.

This one is weak sauce Mav.


A. I miss talking to your deranged ass.
B. I give you the utmost amount of literary scholar on this article, and I'll also throw in entirely too much street-cred. Props to you.

As for the Jack Daniels, I have Captain Morgan's downstairs?


Come to Morgantown.


Nick, although you are dirty, its badass and i like it.


You are one HELL of a sick dumbfuck...and you should go back in time and get shot by the freaking Nazis...dang...y'all make hitler sound so fucking innocent...shit...who comes up with this here stuff?? whoever decides to think this sort of crap up is sick in the head...who even thinks like that? you need to get yourself checked into some psycho ward...shit...u don even need that...all the psychos in that place will think your psycho...bitch ass... u stank up ho!
Next time a woman realises what a twat you really are...and believe me ur a cunt...take all ur issues...write them down, stick em in an envelope...stamp it and post it straight up your twisted ass...

and i feel so sooooo sooooo sorry for the simi person
1. cause u know this crazy bastard...who obviously every female with half a brain cell has alienated him...COMPLETELY
2. cause u actually like the shit he posted...twisted fucker!!

Well, you sure did bring a new level of retardation to this web page.

P.s, You're a hick, your opinion doesn't even matter, go fuck your cousin, and when you're done, run into the next running combine you see.

Mike Lamb's picture

Obviously every female with half a brain cell has alienated him to hang out with you, oh champion of those who do not comprehend sarcasm (that requires at least 3 and a half brain cells, so anybody that stopped at half a cell is basically fucked). Also...who says "dang" "y'all" and "u stank up ho!" in the same comment? What kind of ghetto hillbilly are you?

oh my god...

You are one sick fuck

Where is your sense of dignity, character, integrity and respect?

Thank f-ing God I am no longer in college and dealing with these morally bankrupt minds.

What is wrong with you....seriously get some help....your fucking deranged and I can't believe you can still stand yourself never mind the rest of your friends. Do the world a favor and pull your bottom lip over your hear and swallow!!!!

Well, I believe "deranged" would be a little off. If he were deranged he would be stalking some raunchy young pussy, Or writing this somewhere people will never find it. He is one with nothing to hide.

P.s, I'm compelled to agree that anyone that takes offense to this, either has a really raunchy pussy, Or is really insecure with themselves and actually tried this.

Pretty sure people took this a bit too seriously. But i did enjoy the fact that apparently at one point Nick did have credibility.

I tried it and its great! I still have the scars on my labia from the first time when I messed up!

LMAO I have my scars too :)

...That's all I have to say.

It's obvious that you did some scientific research and I'm sure this method will work just fine, but couldn't the chick just get a bottle of douche?

Sick and misogynistic, but alas,
NOT FUNNY. Sorry kid.

Dude, I'm on the floor with that shit! I haven't read anything that funny in a long time, twisted and nice! Hahaha

you are twisted!

I was wondering why I smelled rubbing alcohol intermittently in my home. Googled it and wound up here. This is some funny s@#*!

I must say I have quite the tidy lady bits and I thought I was harsh on girls about hygiene, but you're a worthless p.o.s. not even fckin funny. that's so rude. might as well stick to your hand or stick it in another guy. you don't even deserve a women.

God why aren't all men like you. Rude, arrogant and uncaring. Take me, take me now!

You are a retarded jerk!

this has got to be the most disgusting thing ive read. it makes me cringe n hurt reading it. u seem like u really hate women. im sad 4 u

You're a complete Fuckin DUMB ASS<b></b>

you are clearly a fukin moron.

hahaha lmao your hilalrious
dude.. omg.. you made my fucking day.

Fuck that was funny. Its one way of getting rid of a stinky muff. Man, I had one that smelt as if an animal had crawled up there and died. The bitch demanded I go down on her, so I did, but I spewed after about 10 seconds. I wish she had taken your full proof remedy dude, I really do. It was awful. I never want to experience pussy like that ever again, it was fucking traumatic, I was never the same. Give me a fishy pussy any day to one that smells of a dead rodent. Love the site. Keep up the good work.

omg. thank you. i've been knockin nukka's out w my biznass for years.


i almost wet myself... of course, i could just be frothing?

Quite funny, yet you are one sick son of a bitch.

Wow that was just strange... if you seriously wanted anyone to believe that you're crazy! I think it's obvious just how much pussy you get.

god you're stupid.

you are seriously a fucking retard

It sounds like you don't really like vaginas...


Jesus Christ. Even the comments are hilarious.

It almost makes me want to...write...something like this...again...

Hmmmmmmmmmm *wink*

That stitching up the pussy thing is actually in some cultures where many girls get that done, theres 4 ways to do it i think two includes cutting out some stuff inside to make the stitches tighter.

look, i didn't find this especially funny, but the whole concept of satire is that it's dark humour touching on sensitive subjects.

i love how most of the people on here screaming for you to be shot and how sick you are are women...but isn't it funny that they would have had to type something to do with how vile their vaginas are to come across this article...BUSTED!

so chill out, we didn't shoot bret easton ellis for american psycho and that book was 10 times worse than anything written here...

however if you genuinely do wish to do this to women, clearly you prefer a nice juicy boy hole and good on you! no shame in that!

adieu to you - keep up the good work. keep honing those misogynistic skills and hopefully you'll come up with your own classic 'american psycho' one day

ps i'm a woman bitches

I was just wondering. But SHIT>> that answers it all.. There are some weird things out there and you opened my eyes.. Thanks. I did like your creativity though.. out.

well, the article clearly described the pussy and it is of no surprise to
have cockroach or even other creatures in side the most important hole(z pussy).
But the problem is guys will go off if they find 'someone' inside the hole - you can call it another husband
fucking your lady. hahaha...

ah, so entertaining. =)

That's really fucking funny XD

By the way


People are so damn sensitive. Incredibly rude, but funny too. Hell, I laughed, and I'm a woman, with a real life vagina! But I won't be trying out your technique any time soon, Nick. Best warn the ones that aren't too smart that they aren't supposed to try it at home.

Fun! =D

Oh but I DID want to say..while I'm sure all this was just said in fun and all, tone down on the sexism, would ya? It's a Otherwise, funny article.

Holy fuck, I'm still laughing.

I know so many girls must be offended, but they need to buck up and realize how awesome you are for writing this. XD

This girl, at least, is SO not offended. XD

for the person who said douche, douches can cause the bacteria in there double, and smell worse. Ladies, to make your pussy smell good, wash it out everyday and drink pienapple juice. wioe with baby wipes. thats all you need.


Sperm and Pussy taste is affected by what you eat, as are all secretions from the body. Use fruit smoothie a day which consists of celery, pineapples, grapes, cinnamon and honey. Drinking a lot of water is also a good idea. You can use supplements like Sweeten69™ is 100% natural and completely safe, made from high quality herbs and other botanicals.

Wow how fucking unbelievably pathetic are you, I cant believe I read through all that garbage. Your parents must be very proud.

I must say I enjoyed your writing and I was captivated into one freaky adventure... however you did not solve my problem because your procedure will cause swamp ass to return after a week. How disappointing.
Time for me to traverse to other more useful advice.

Next time, could you write an article dedicated to me? How about the woes of stinky sweaty foreskin? Or the less-than-minute men? I'm sure the targeted audiences would be proud of you for that and I would much enjoy reading it at their expense. Or should I say, at your expense?

woww... you're almost funny... lmao.
failed attempt at intellectual insult.

I think this is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. For those of you whom are offended by this..its called get a sense of humor. Nothing is wrong with bringing a little laughter into your life...and nothing is funnier than a girl with a skankass nasty vag. So dont get offended when you try to search how to make your vag taste and smell better on google because you have that problem..its not the authors problem that you have this issue..


you, the writer are a sick demented fuck. Cock doesn't smell any better. People are people. You really should be locked up in a mental ward, with your hands chopped up. You might want to save up some money, because the only woman that would da a shovinistic ass like you is some blind and deaf girl that is desperate for money. I'm sorry I stumbled on your site and your humor isn't funny..its sad without brains or laughter. Whatever sex toy you use,I hope it is a good one because it is the only thing I can ever see you use.

XD That's freaking hilarious. I still can't decide what was better though, the article itself, or the idiots over-reacting to something to OBVIOUSLY done in humor. *Cough*PersonAboveMe*Cough* Also, Anonymous, perhaps YOU should save up some money and use it to put yourself through school to learn proper spelling?

It's not shovinistic, though, that particular spelling brings to mind a rather sick pun...

It's chauvinistic. And chauvinistic, the writer, at least in this article, is not.

Get a sense of humor or gtfo the internet.

its sounds like it all hurts..... i mean even reading the stuff of what you need... razor blades?.......ouchie....

HAHA funniest shit ever

to the people who bitch out this article, you are the real heros; you really complete this whole saga of a stanky love bucket. people, please, get a sense of humor. none of this was said to be hurtful, its said to do exactly what it has, to spark some life.

suck a left nut.

I threw up after the cockroaches bit.
Then I kept reading.
My vagina pains from the horrors of this article.
I'm never going to touch a barbecue skewer and not be in pain again.

I'm never touching my or any other] vagina again as long as I live.

Lauren's picture

If you're going to be a sick fuck, at least be a funny sick fuck. Look, as a chick, I think I find misogyny way funnier than most other girls. But this wasn't even funny. Just painful and Patrick Bateman sounding.

shut the fuck up bitch!!!!! fuckin stuck up slut fuckikin ugly mess

hahahahaha...good people that over react are the reason terrorists hate all just need to calm the fuck down!

Well atleast he got a FEW peep's attention!
And the image of roaches being inside of a person isn't far-fetched....damn, image is trapped in my mind!


Anyway....add me on Myspace everybody!


what to say? I being a woman who has never had a complaint about the scent or taste of my Pritty pink flower, find this artical amussing a very funny but should my pussy ever go bad and or harbor a familly of cockroches am more then willing to use this method of Vigina purification with one claus the author helps me perform this rituallistic cleansing. We can use JD to if you want as long as we Buy two bottles one for drinking <3 June

This is horrible! This idea...

After an encounter of a stinky vagina I need CPR for my penis, otherwise it will never get up again.

Women, wash your fucking holes because many of you stink like shit.

I hope I don't hear about any girls doing that in Morgantown when I get back from break...

People are taking this article a little too seriously.

My goodness! nesting cockroaches...someone need to learn to wash their cock!

Thiss was funny shit- i enjoyed it

But hey pussy is pussy and its the most wonderful creation in the world

This is too funny! I am in tears right now and I've waken up my roomies! This was some funny shit...I wish u could see how red my face is. Keep up the funny stuff. People,stop over reacting its meant to be humor. Laugh it off. It was sick and twisted but it had a bit of truth. Truth being that many of females have sick, nasty, old smelling cunts. Wash ur vaginas ladies and stop scaring the boys. Ur makin it bad for those of us with clean ones. I'm out!

i am Speachless.... and not in a good way!

Oh lawd, I love how people take this so seriously LOL.
Nice work xD

JMe's picture

this article would be and probably should be the most pointless thing ive ever read EXCEPT for the little gem of a comment left by an anon on on October 11th, 2008.

FUCKING A can he/she PLEASE grace the internet with their opinion more often than not???? not really because any point got across...but because the thick southern accent that my mind reads it with is hilarious.

but about the article, boys who think they know vaginas are silly. and anyway, its easy to have a clean punanny, use a condom and/or wash that shit.

That was awesome.

I couldn't say how much I think the story was funny
I really posted the story on my own site

but this comment is actually to all the people who have
or are thinking of saying how terrible this is

your all fucking ignorant ass morons
who really if you don't like it
kill yourself we don't care if you like it
lemme repeate
WE DO NOT ( DO NOT) care
if you did NOT like it

it was ment to be funny to us immature
(not all of us) who found it funny

and to every guy who says women should clean their dam vagina more
shut up
I am a guy if my girlfriend or who ever im sleeping with
has a nasty ass looking vagina
i don't sleep with her
mainly because it was fucked up before i got to it
so Im not taking responsibility for it
without insurance

this is the greatest shit i've ever read.

Okay ladies! Way to make your pussy smell and taste great for the next person to go down on you is take a lifesaver candy and insert it deep in. Takes about an hour to disolve but it makes it taste and smell so sweet. Learned this trick from my porn star older sister.

I think that would cause the cockroaches. LOL

Again, I couldn't hope for better responses, both ways.


After my kid was born there was allot of nasty shit in there but thanks to this method all i ever taste is JD

Way to talk about the mother of your child that way.

okay i think that story scarred me for life.. and your a very fucked up person. pussy tastes sweet and yummy unless your a nasty bitch who doesn't bathe! you don't like pussy go take it in the ass man! and go fuck yourself..

You are one sick son of a bitch. Obviously, no one is going to take that seriously. But the fact that you actually sat down and thought all that out is really disgusting. You need help. I know a great therapist, want the number??

The coments are hilarious..."with a real life vagina!"lmfao
i say if its offending dont read it,yeah it was twisted but he left pleant of warnings in that bitch to make you stop and you should have stoped, so whos the real sick ones,the ones that kept reading,or that funny motherfucker named nick,woooo

So,good job ya sicko,made me laugh and the comments made me piss my pants.

To Everyone On Here.... Arguing or talking shit on the internet is like winning in the special olympics at the end of it your still a retard.........

I am not sure why i read this...stumbled across the article.....because my bf...loves to be down there.....and it has nothing to do with cockroaches or bad smell...i reckon there are some filthy women in this world and men. Once knew well of an undertaker who shagged the dead women/maybe men who were brought into him. His poor unknowing wife had the itchies down below and after the usual thrush type treatments did not work (she was about 65) went and had a swab at the gp. He found she had some maggot type thing growing and they knew it was possible only to catch it off dead people. So they traced it back to her disgusting filthy husband!!!!!! He was put in prison. So maybe this cockroach story isn't as far fetched as it seems. There are some sick people in this world. When my friend told me about this we were horrified but we also wanted to know more about it. Fascination and a combination of horror. How could this poor woman live with herself knowing what he had done. So perhaps we are reading tis article with the same kind of fear and fascination. It sure is more interesting than my fb profile lol. Just wondering if the article writer was talking form experience...if so perhaps the cockroaches linger longer on a maggot infested dead person i reckon that would be one vagina he may not want to stick his tongue inside...with or without a bottle or two of JD and a candystick!!!!!!!!

seriously,the only i know that talks shit like that is my ass.
youve probably never seen a pussy in your entire life.
i feel BAD for you, u fucking faggot virgin.
i bet that not even dudes wanna fuck you, u gay nerd.
u shoulg go fuck urself.
have a nice one

sad... someone gets absolutely no pussy.

that is soooo gross.

Kinda funny article. Absolutely can't breathe laughing hilarious comments. People, you are giving him the precise reaction he wants. He couldn't have scripted it better. Get a clue.

And people who talk like they are in a position to give advice, and can't spell, or form a coherent sentence without swearing, yeah just nevermind. Not worth explaining to you how stupid you are.

You searched for how to clean your pussy. That was the joke to start with. He just capitalized on that, and if he didn't go way overboard it would have been an attack. He had to make it ridiculous to make it work, and it's not a pleasant subject. If you didn't want to read it, don't Google "clean up the shtanky puss" and don't read all the way to the end.

And in the end, I began to realize, you either can comprehend or you can't. We can't fix the idiots, but we will laugh at you, and laugh, and laugh, and...

Bravo! Well put.


Your writing really turned me on sexually. My name is Jeff Schmidt
and I am a satan worshpping pedophile physics professor. Yes,
nothing gets my asshole more excited than getting reamed in my
craphole by big fat satanic nazi cock. If anyone out there wants to fuck
me in the ass, please email me.
Oh yea, I will pay good money if you let me sniff your soiled underwear.
I like to lick the brown stains. HAIL SATAN! FUCK GOD!

your fucking disgusting


Have that guy for a physics professor; you must not have liked him very much to write that. :)

Definitely one of my least favourite classes at parkside, but more due to the material than the teacher.... he's a funny guy.


you are a sick piece of shit and i doubt you will ever see a vagina outside of a screen let alone taste or smell one

welllllllllll now that we know you're gay

wtf ,
ur stupid
end of story .

suck teh pus from my anal warts

you are so obviously gay... im sorry that the one time you had an encounter with a pussy its made you like the dick. not all pussys are that gross. mine, thank you, is quite nice. hope you get aids for saying this shit

JMe's picture

uhhh wishing aids upon someone is 39485734 times worse than a dirty little post. but don't worry, i wont point and stare...i've seen hypocrites before.....shits weaaaaaaaaak

bloody hilarious.
well done

The start of this rant was quite entertaining till the doctor visit at least. Afterwards I grew tired of it, I may as well have been watching a Rambo film.

um yeah.
you again.
are you everywhere or am i an expert at finding you?
how does the universe guide me to these foul postings?
i wanted legit diet tips for making my pussy taste and smell better than it already does, cause i thought there might be info out there. the sewing up of the vagina in some cultures or the shame of 'smelly cunts' or whatever is something that is going over people's heads, particularly mine. you really need to dumb it down for people. most people are daft.

The retarded writer and Zira since you are pussies urselves probably the stinkiest ones we met u here searching for ur mates.
I have a pussy with a discharge and it stinks it is a fungus doesnt go away would you like to lick it hard babes

u are either a transvestie, gay or have been sexually abused by ur mom or any other pussy.
Enjoy your life with a dick of herpes,warts,bacterial this that any infection possible out there IN CASE u get an ass or a pussy like mine :D

haha this is the funniest thing I've ever read. and the people who call you a sick fuck and what not- hey if you're reading it in the first place....haha there's gotta be a defect somewhere or your "inner pervert" just speaking out that lead you to finish it. cut the guy some slack assholes. humor is subjective.

AtreyuMason's picture

Dude..i think its funny. That's why i'm on this webpage in the first place. To all the pusses giving this guy a hard time, you're lives aren't any better. Get off your high horse. Do you not watch and laugh at Superbad or Knocked Up. It's the same crude shit humor. Keep writing man...

You certainly do bring out the passion in people. You are a sick fuck, and I think I love you. Thanks for the laugh!

What an outstanding article!!!

Buddy that was halarious!!Hahaaahaaha :p really !!
But guess what friendss....there is a tip for smelly pussies haha ;)
Eat lots of pinapples ladies :D

ahahah man this is classic..

I agree with you man, ladies gotta clean the pussy, show some courtesy for the guy that buys you all that nice shit..

I was looking for a way to clone my pussy when I saw this site. Not cleaning tips.

Don't even waste your breath. People like that are to far gone to be saved. Nothing you say will turn him back into a human being. Let him live his unhappy life. It is probablly more miserable than we can imagine.

I totally stopped reading after you started calling your audience sluts. My man thinks that I'm delicious I was just trying to find a way to make him even more addicted to my taste and smell. I hope no nieave girls tried that in desperation. Your an ass and i'm sure your one of those guys that loves to hear that.

Hey Dude. Have stayed in the house that is haunted with cockroaches.Those mOther f***erz east almost everything, May it was a father with this girls suckers. Funny Shit F******* that Pussy.

OMFG dude what the fuck i almost busted a pussy lip reading this shit. Were you serious about the chick and the cockroaches? that would be straight up fuckin sick!!

omg ahhhhh why the hell would i shuv a hose pipe up my fanny and wash it out like that, and burn it too. cant oyu just wash it out with your fingers. :A


Hmmmmmm. First of all, your method is wack. You should pretend your mouth is a pussy (because that is the closest you will ever get to one) and fucking wash out your putrid brain. By the way, douching is a sure way to alter the balance of necessary bacteria in the vagina and almost always CAUSES odor idiot. Diet and hygiene have the largest effect on vaginal odor. Drugs , alcohol, and junk food contribute the most to a bad odor. Ladies, if you don't see an improvement after minimizing the consumption of these things than you may have a yeast infection or other bacterial infection. And for the record, guys who drink frequently, especially Jack Daniels, have funky spunk and retarded ass children such as yourself.

Fucking fudge packer. I hope a family of gerbils crawl up your stretched out asshole.

You guys make me giggle insulting each other over shit makes for great entertainment

lol @ Miss Fortune! Exactly... The author is a big time loser. Too bad he'll never learn to truly appreciate a good woman, including all of her deliciousness! What a loser!!! What a total waste of my time, won 't be back...

Hahahahahaha dude obviously either a. you're a fucking faggot who likes shoving bbq skewers up ur ass or b. your a straight loser who cant get any pussy and yur dicks smells like garbage from beating off wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much and never washing it :D now that a good post!

Dude that shit is funny as Hell. Fuck the other assholes whom can never take a joke.

Dude that shit is funny as Hell. Fuck the other assholes whom can never take a joke.

HAHAHA! I love this! You are fucking twisted and its AMAZING! THis is probably the funniest thing I have read in a VERY VERY long time. Screw all the losers that cant take that you are a comedian and are making a joke out of a "serious" situation. All the women who posted on here pissed off, are only pissed off themselves because they have stanky pussy and were really looking for something to CURE it! HAHAHA dumb whores... go shove a bottle of alcohol up it and surround it with gum ...


Lol! I thought that junk was hilarious...though it makes me wonder. Are you gay? You said you hate women. But it was funny regardless! Some people are stank forreal, too...nasty mess.

But I taste just fine so...good fa me!

Just because he is gay doesn't mean he has a hatred for women. I know a few gay people that write stuff just like this and I can gaurantee they are just trying to be funny. GET A HUMOUR.

A+, would laugh, cringe, rage, and laugh again

I respect your writing because you've come up with your own style or voice in your writing, it catches the readers attention and honestly is interesting. However I think it makes you sound like an arrogant jack ass. Your bad attitude is just going to turn people off, not keep them coming back for more. I can't say I'll ever read another one of your articles.
p.s. What woman hurt you?'ve clearly been screwed over by some sluts in your day and now are taking it out on the whole female gender..keep it up and you might achieve your goal of becoming a dried up bitter old man...have fun dying alone my friend.

First I want to say STOP HATIN' everyone, just cause you didn't think of this funny as hell stuff and write it before this person did... I think it was well written and kept me reading :) Kudos!!

Dude, you are a fucking idiot

Lmao, I'm a chick and I totally understand why you wrote this. I love you!!! haha, you just made my day:)


wow..... wow..... im.. absolutely speechless... first off i am a woman who's man is just absolutely in love with my pussy and tast and smell and tightness....was only looking online for ways to make him even more i came accross this is beyond me...but i will say are sick and really need Jesus....nothing and no one else can save you and return you to a human being....I'LL PRAY FOR YOU

Yo u are the most sickest peiece of shit mother fucker why the fuck would you write that, you must have no life to write all that shit about the girl in gym class, the fat one which is the only one you can get. She took u home and let her eat u out. Thats what Inspired you to write all this shit because her pussy had worms in it and u had to lick it and suck it and smell it. you probably did weeks of research for no reason. every one else here, could actually get a girl.

mara's picture

that's funny
ever think about proof-reading buddy?
if you did, or you didn't and you did just now and don't see all of the errors i am referring too, i am really sorry for your mother, she must be ashamed

You fucking SICK FUCK!!
You know exactly what you're problem is.
You're a fucking dick sucking FAGOT !
Listen you fucking homo take this piece of SHIT article DOWN before I find you and shove a butcher knife up you fucking asshole. DICK SHIT!
I will rip your shit open you walking/talking STD!
and you know exactly what the FUCK you have up there you dirty whore.
Use your method of choice and take your own advice you fucking DEVIL!
It's too bad you have no luck with women, Keep your panties on and don't shart yourself BITCH Nigga.
Suck a dick!

you realize that with the amount of profanities you used in that comment ruined any validity you had in your point?

I had to laugh so hard. So so true. :] Great work.

OK So I did what you said.... now what?
Please advise....

well, this was sick. i mean yeah you're joking around but like...this isn't even funny. you went too far.
when you try this hard for a laugh, it's no longer funny.
sorry babe, but fail.

* Yaaawn. * Whatever. This is really stupid. I regret wasting my time here.

You sound like a dumb, lonely, digusting piece of shit Tucker Max wannabe. Seriously, you've probably never even seen a vagina with the exception of your mother's during birth. There are ways you could have made this funny without sounding like such a dumb cunt.

Actually, I had my eyes closed when I was born. :(


You're gay, right? I mean, this was clearly written by a gay guy who hates women.

mara's picture

first of all i doubt this was done in all seriousness...
second of all it was probably in reference to all of the oversexed, real world/mtv, whores...
or the unwed teenage mothers who are nothing more than pieces of trash that will jump on any black dick that comes their way.
this guy is probably standing up and making a general (and amusing) statement about all the females out there who have screwed him and decent guys like him over.
i don't know if you guys have noticed but these days women can by no stretch of the imagination be considered "ladies" somewhere in squabbling for equality and clawing after power we have lost our grasp on modesty, decorum, delicacy and basically everything that embodies our femininity.

Your female bashing aside (but I'd love to go into the single mother crap you spouted), if this guy is making some kind of statement, it was lost in translation. Given that this is a college "humor" site, it's NOT likely that a guy is going to be (1) educated one women's issues and (2) mean well by an article THIS filthy and ignorant. Sorry. I just don't see it.

Skon's picture

VERY good point... but STILL, you ended this article with "I HATE YOU ALL (women)"

lmao some girl must have really did a number on you damn you sound bitter dude but that cockroach story is fu**king crazy lol

Lol, funny shit, obviously not a serious statement. To the people out there commenting in horror and making generalizations about the author, u went looking 4 a way to make your pussy taste good. What did u expect to find, u know the internet is porn first,comedy 2nd and fact, the last thing you'll find. If it offends u great, you've been offended, not the first time that's happened, I'm sure about that. If u were ignorant enough to take that seriously sell your pc and never again go online, you'll be doing us all a favor..

Wowwww....I don't even know what to put haha.

My not-so-fem side says WOWWWWW now THAT made me laugh....

My feminine side said WTF Imma go write an article on how to make a dick taste better in a much crueler fashion!

My body wtf man...that shit might actually hurt worse than the natural birth of my child hahaha.

If you were actually serious...I'm sorry for you honey. It sounds like you may need some very serious psychological help...and remember my friend,it's okay to be gay!

P.S. Pride is so so so fun I promise!!!

Oh and to Mara...

I love how you generalized all teenaged mothers into a single category.

1.You don't know their situation,like how they got pregnant sayyyy RAPE possibly. Or maybe even their first time and they got unlucky and didnt feel it right to get an abortion.

2.Some actually do change their ways....some actually do go to school and finish! (Oh big surprise right?) For some it even changes their life for the better.

Wow people need to learn respect.


.........OH WELL YOU REALLY DID...........


Idk who you r but ur funny and i like u cause ur truth ful llool but u do have to admit reading the article then reading the comments is seriously funny lol. My sister showed me this website and i laughed

i tried it and it worked ! thanks !

The guy who wrote this shit most likely fucked the wrong pussy and got HIV, and now he blames all females for it. I'm very serious about that. I feel sorry for you dude, but you are the one who stuck it in that hole. Now you might die from an incurable disease. If you would have been a decent guy, with respect for females, you might not have gotten that nasty disease in the first place. Don't blame the chick who gave it to you. Blame yourself for not keeping it in your pants. this suppose to be real...girls just want it to smell or atleast taste better cause there men like to give head...NOT cockroaches in her fact: is she actually had those..she'd not only vjay probelms but also high fever...stomach cramps..and other such...pluse having a hard time to pee...she would obviously not think of that as being prego. OMG seriously why joke on matters like this...

rofl u are retarded.. (no offense -- just a phrase)

and this person above my previous comment must've had cockroaches in her Vuh-JJ!!!!

well said jack bob and i dont know if it was done in all seriousness or not it was still retarded to do. I also feel sorry for this guy he is just one of those wastes of space from the sound if it.

This guy has got 2 be fagtastic!! Either that or he can't do better than whores, junkies, & stray dogs. Definately caucasian, LOL!! My boyfriend won't stop eating me even when I'm BEGGING for his rock solid cock, which gets so hard by way of pleasing me. If this guy has never tasted a good coot its because he's too dirty, poorly endowed in all aspects, & maybe socially retarded or he's switched teams. Nothing personal buddy, I'm a total fag hag. I love a homo just as much as the next guy ;) just don't tolerate the vagina hating ones. Here's a tip lil chief, stop shopping for a date in the slums & dogpounds. Get yourself a new outfit from AX, AE will due if u have a low income. SX3(shit, shave, shower) BEFORE you skank up your new clothes. Then check out a club, a NICE club at a resort, not that one where you know a guy who knows a guy that can get youin for free even though the cover is only $10. Badabingbadaboom! You're surrounded by clean beautiful women. Oh, one more helpfull hint, if you find a vegitarian . . . TASTE It!! GIRLS!! I know somewhere out there, one of you is so desprate and mentally handicapped that you are actually contemplating this technique. Put down the hose!! It's nothing a little personal hygene & proper diet can't help. Make sure u wash, rinse & dry often aka: every day or more often as needed. As far as diet: PINEAPPLE, GRAPES, FRUITJUICE, WATER, SUGAR. Lay off the red meat, broccoli, & coloflour. Your welcome.

This guy has got 2 be fagtastic!! Either that or he can't do better than whores, junkies, & stray dogs. Definately caucasian, LOL!! My boyfriend won't stop eating me even when I'm BEGGING for his rock solid cock, which gets so hard by way of pleasing me. If this guy has never tasted a good coot its because he's too dirty, poorly endowed in all aspects, & maybe socially retarded or he's switched teams. Nothing personal buddy, I'm a total fag hag. I love a homo just as much as the next guy ;) just don't tolerate the vagina hating ones. Here's a tip lil chief, stop shopping for a date in the slums & dogpounds. Get yourself a new outfit from AX, AE will due if u have a low income. SX3(shit, shave, shower) BEFORE you skank up your new clothes. Then check out a club, a NICE club at a resort, not that one where you know a guy who knows a guy that can get youin for free even though the cover is only $10. Badabingbadaboom! You're surrounded by clean beautiful women. Oh, one more helpfull hint, if you find a vegitarian . . . TASTE It!! GIRLS!! I know somewhere out there, one of you is so desprate and mentally handicapped that you are actually contemplating this technique. Put down the hose!! It's nothing a little personal hygene & proper diet can't help. Make sure u wash, rinse & dry often aka: every day or more often as needed. As far as diet: PINEAPPLE, GRAPES, FRUITJUICE, WATER, SUGAR. Lay off the red meat, broccoli, & coloflour. Your welcome.

Ps not offended but not entertained in the least. Kept expecting a punchline ... Never came. I cried a lil on the inside when I realized i actually wasted time to read this. All that crudeness & there wasn't an oz of giggles, BOO! You are the weakest link!

whats funny is all the people who are pissed at you are the ones trying to clean up their rank vag...and got IRONY!
I'm gonna be honest, I started to read this so I could let someone know how to clean it up! I dated a girl for a year who's pussy stank, I would've given my right nut to clean that shit up, but love is love i guess... i didn't have a fortitude to let her know, so i just tried to ignore the stench.

I work at an OBGYN and one day this mentally retarded pregnant lady came in who had intestinal worms. The worms had worked their way from her asshole into her vagina and were living there multiplying but then died so her vag was overflowing and oozing with dead rotten intestinal worms and someone had to scrape them all out.
I think that tops the cockroach story because it is 100% true.

ok dude who ever the fuck you are i was looking for some real help because i love eating pussy and unlike you i think ive had more face time with one then you will ever have in your entire life knowing that wont be long and gladefully no reproduction will be in your future thank god for us and i am sorry for the one woman who does cause probably the only pussy you will ever see is the one between your legs you fucking sick idiot go burn in hell before you make girls burn they're hell you fucking asshole

holy shit that is actually dangerous, if you cut the inside of a vagina you could create an air bubble that'll go to your heart and send you into extreme cardiac arrest (saw it on 1000 ways to die).... it was poorly written and had crappy advice

It was a joke. Also I have seen that episode too, guess she didn`t shave the carrot right ;)

i find it so funny that so many people actually wasted their time being outraged over this. honestly if you're going online to look up how to make your snatch not filthy, you're an idiot. go to the fucking doctor. or cheaper yet, get a fucking washcloth and a bar of soap and stop wiping your dirty asshole from back to front.

hahahahah i agree

:S At first I thought he was kidding and stuff, and i skipped the last 2 ''rules''. Um so he hates women because they have smelly pussys? LOL!!

1.We are human, We smell. Did you really think a pussy would smell like roses or something??

2. I bet he's dick smells more. EUCHH

3. I did not come here for advice for my pussy ;P I typed in something totally diffirent and got to this?? RUN CHILDREN RUN!!!


u r a motherfucking dumb ass freaky jerk, man!

he must only enjoy getting blown by other men. Or jealous that we women have more nerve endings in our clits and expirience better stimulation that men can only dream of. sorry guys, without that stinky hole no one would be around to bitch about them. I love it and my boyfriend loves it. I hope this moron dies alone with his vag sleeve he bought for 9.99 at the porn store off the interstate.

Worst thing in the world is the tobacco drug and toxic tobacco smoke. Smokers are brain-damaged drug addicts.

I don't think I have ever read anything so twisted and disgusting. Whoever wrote this, even if it is supposedly for some kind of 'joke', is in my opinion unwell and should seek help.


This was pretty much the lulziest article ever. I also want a google-stat-checker-thing. Did the amount of "Cockroach in vagina/puss" stats go up after this? I know I googled it. And yes, there's all types of porn (stemming into : a video of Allison Parks getting double-fisted by a black guy eating a turnip and a white guy with a “My name is Court Sullivan” t-shirt on.). If it is a series of nouns (or, I guess popular theories...) it exists, and a Japanese man owns it.

In other news, I actually found this on accident. But saying that is like when you have an itch on the inside of your knows and everyone assumes you had to stop and pick a winner.

You have to be the dumbest cocksucker on the Internet. I figure you to be a fourteen year old boy who knows absolutely nothing about women...or men. Go mature for about ten years before you write anything. Dipshit.

Nice man, niiice hahaha
Im a girl and find this hilarious, dont be mean haha

so i just read this in search of actually looking how to make my girls pussy smell a bit better.

it's not bad, not good. so i could care less to pour jack on her clit and light it up like a fuckin christmas clam, and then sew it up so i can miss out on the love makin.

article was sick and twisted. but i get why you did it. BOREDOM :D

all you haters. this is what being bored does. yeah maybe publicizing your boredom in such a sick way isn't the best way to go about it but c'mon.

give the guy a break. you've all done some fucked up twisted shit in your life. typing about shit that even the utmost retarded person alive would not attempt, isn't the worst thing you've ever seen done.


obviously all of you were looking for a legitimate way to make your glory smell better, and found this entertaining yet somewhat disturbing, to say the least, article. so why not just ue your heads and try to imagine that this kid could be somewhat exactly like your best friend, or your brother.

he's no different from any one of us. WE'RE ALL PEOPLE

just because he did something that was so "offensive" doesn't mean you, who doesn't know shit about him and never will, have to blow a fucking gasket over it.

PS: maybe in the future you just shouldn't post this shit. i'm sure you knew the kind of reaction you would get from it, well you had your laugh so what'ya say we leave it at that :]

peace and love mother f*****s


why dont u cut up ur dirty fucking piece of shitty meat between ur legs with ur stupid looking balls with a razor? what business do tescticles have outside the body. i will personally get a surgeon to sticth in the damn scrum inside ur body after cutting it up and then cup up that stupid penis of urs into tinyp pieces and feed it to the dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who cares how u pee anyways? ur better off dead ur shitty mother f****ing moron!!!

What purpose do your appendages have being outisde your body, other than your head because it`s so far up your ass. The guy made some good points so relax. Also this was the 2nd most disturbing thing I`ve seen in a while. (1st being the lurkers screams in Total Miner)

dude u re the funniest stupidest dude ever. i love the comments. i love the comments bout :Next time you write something like that think of your mothers pussy and the sick fucking ugly attitude of a worm that came out of her pussy , YOU. haha lmao.....
to me ur one of the type chicks magnet. im not jockin. u dont give a shit of what u say. nowadays the majority of the girls loves the brutal attitude. im the type of guy that treats girls with all the respect in the world.... i would ever wrote something like tht. but ladies yall need to work on that, you all re judgin him on how rude he is, when u people waste some minutes of ur lifetime reading his stuffff. ...for god sake he's just trying to help u morrons.
the funniest of all you ladies want yall pussy to smell like cherries.haha. he gave the best explanation. all you girls need is to buy One barbeque for real what re u thinking....the majority of the girls will make the barbeque skewer as the finest dildo ever made. same for the garden hose. the article was great , u were just expressing ur thought, wht u have in ur heart for the ladies.......
Dude i see one broke ur sensitive heart, but why try to kill all the ladies in the world. i bet there are some dumb one that already tried it. i know when we re doing nothing we just sit back n write some stupid thing on the internet just to get some comments from some losers.but actually we all loser. i dont know how i got to this site. i just clicked on some random shit. but very nice. try not to kill the ladies , we all need them. "in the strip club, at home, everywhere""
by the way im a guy.
n dude i did not applaud for ur thing, but i like it.the thing i love besttttttttt is the comments. keep writting stupid comments people. i love the people that re against this article. like this one are sick and really need Jesus....nothing and no one else can save you and return you to a human being....I'LL PRAY FOR YOU ..
haha funny.

awesome dude.

your a fucking dick and dont kno shit about anything ... i bet uve never even seen or smelled a pussy and if u did it was prob ur rontchy mamas were ur stupid ass was born so fuck off and ge fuck sum gay guys as su stupid sick fuck!!

U r a sick loser and have never tasted the soothing taste of a horny pussy!

I'm a woman and I laughed my ass off reading this. Some of us just have sick, dark senses of humor. It's ok. Get over it. And the dude's probably gay anyway.

It was the funniest thing i read in a long time; good job dude!