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Girls are Like Food, Part 1: Appetizers

2
FAVS

Women need to be categorized.  They are screaming out to be categorized.  They're practically begging for some dashing, daring, charming, sexy, hunk of man to come along and tell them what he thinks of them and how they should think of themselves.  Fortunately for you guys, I am such a man.  Read More »

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Making Sense of Fucking Stupid Sluts

4
FAVS

Julie:  She doesn't seem very smart. 
Nathan:  She isn't.
Julie:  She's rude, too. 
Nathan:  And presumptuous, and untrustworthy and drug addicted. 
Julie:  So why even bother?
Nathan:  You want me to answer that or you want us to remain friends? Read More »

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Independence Day Activities for Dat Ass

1
FAV

Nathan: I can't believe how expensive fireworks are getting.  I remember when I could blow up all my sister's toys for like fifty bucks. 
Jake: Yeah, well you know the economy and--wait, what? Read More »

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George Carlin's Lessons in Bullshit

2
FAVS
"I've always been sort of anti-authoritarian and I really don't like arbitrary rules and regulations that are essentially designed to get people in the habit of conforming."

         --George Carlin

George Carlin taught me many things.  Every one of them is very important.  Here are some of the things he taught me and some of the reasons I will miss him. Read More »

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Thanks Dad

2
FAVS

Nathan: Are you gonna teach your boy how to play hockey?
Chip: Oh yeah. My son’s gonna play hockey and he’ll play the drums. I mean, what’s the use of having a boy if you can’t push all your failed dreams on him?
Read More »

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Introduction to Cunnilingus

2
FAVS

Nathan: I have to write an article on cunnilingus.
Beth: Of course you do.
Nathan: The people have spoken.
Beth: When are you gonna grow up? Read More »

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Your Obligatory "Rejected Column Ideas" Column

1
FAV

Jay: So wait. You reject your own column ideas?

Nathan: Pretty much. It's like, you come up with an idea, you think it sucks and you don't do it.

Jay: But you still remember the ideas.

Nathan: So?

Jay: So why keep them around if they suck? Read More »

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Unscrewing Up America

1
FAV

Dave:  This economy is horrid.

Nathan:  So's your face.

Dave:  You drink too much.

Nathan:  So's your face. 

Dave: Are you even listening to me?

Nathan:  So's your face.  Read More »

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Think of the Flapjacks, People

0
FAVS

Nathan: Dan, you live in Land O' Lakes, right?
Dan: Eight years.
Nathan: Ever been to the Flapjack Festival?
Dan: Nope.
Nathan: Ever heard of the Flapjack Festival?
Dan: Nope.
Nathan: Want to hear about the Flapjack Festival? Read More »

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How to Completely Emasculate a Man

3
FAVS

Sean: How's life treating you?
Nathan: Like I burned its entire album collection.
Sean: Wow. That's probably a big collection. Read More »

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Buzz Cut

0
FAVS

"Anytime I hear the word ‘blogosphere,’ I immediately change the channel/close the window/stop the video, etc."
-William Courtney Sullivan Read More »

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You Make Us All Sorry

1
FAV

Nathan: I think I’m gonna write a eulogy.
Jake: Who died?
Nathan: Lots of people.
Jake: Uhh, okay. Have fun with that. Read More »

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The Crazy Chick Sex Gauge

1
FAV

Jake: Dude, that girl is crazy.
Nathan: Like, "slash your tires after the breakup" crazy or "pray after sex" crazy?
Jake: The first one.
Nathan: That ain't so bad. Read More »

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