I'm Lovin' It: Praise for McDonald's

>>> Casual Misanthropy
By staff writer JD Rebello
June 5, 2005

McDonald's is delicious. Go fuck yourself.

I'm really sick of all the negative press McDonald's has gotten over the past year. First of all, the food is fantastic. Oh, where do you eat? Wendy's? Please. You know what, just stop reading my column now and go stand in line for "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" you wuss.

Let me clear up a few myths about my friends at the Golden Arches.

1. McDonald's does not cause obesity. You know what causes obesity? Fat people. It's the chicken and the egg. You probably know a couple of fat people. How many of them don't exercise regularly? How many of them always suggest renting a movie as a summertime activity? All of them. Fat people are fat for a reason. They are lazy and should be skinned alive so us folks of moderate weight can wear their skin and stay warm in the winter.

2. McDonald's is delicious. I hate when people tell me McDonald's is gross. Are you kidding? It's amazing. Chicken Nuggets? Mac sauce? Mmmmmm. It's so good. And who cares if it gives you blazing diarrhea and birth defects even if your a man who isn't pregnant? Good is good, and you can't argue with good.

3. McDonald's does not cause sexual side effects. You know what causes sexual side effects? Ugly chicks. In that movie "Super Size Me," that Stanley Sprocket boxer stain claims he can't get it up. Well, the only girls he's trying to ball are ugly. So, yeah, maybe there's your solution. Let's solve ugliness before we feed McDonald's to the wolves. (Editor's Note: Justin hasn't actually seen "Super Size Me." What he does is hear about a movie, assume he knows what it's all about, and criticize it from there. If you don't like it, take off.)

4. Ronald McDonald does not molest children. Not a very popular rumor, but I'm trying to stop it before it gets out.

Now, with all that said, Mickey D's is not perfect, so I've got some solutions:

1. Bring back super sizing. This sucks. I used to love super sizing my meal. $.39 to make my meal diesel? Where do I sign? But oh no, fatasses bitched because they were fat and I have to suffer. I hate fat people, but not as much as I hate....

2. Foreigners behind the counter. Is it just me or does every McDonald's have an assigned ethnicity for each location? Near my house, we have two McDonald's: the Asian one and the Puerto Rican one. Isn't this segregation? In Burger King, they have like 12 different kinds of races working together and nobody says a word to each other. Good, don't need them plotting an uprising against the white man. Well done, Burger King.

3. Happy Meal toys need to be improved. I still have a Happy Meal toy from when I was 5: Garfield on a skateboard. That was the dopest toy ever. The other day I noticed the new Happy Meal toy is an Army man covered in a used condom. Where's the fun in that? No fun.

4. My idea is for everyone going into McDonald's to stand on a scale. If you're at a weight where you can legitimately be referred to as a "fat fuck", you're not allowed in. Make McDonald's special and cool for special and cool people like myself.

Yeah, that's right.

More from PIC:

I agree with basically all of it. I don't like fast food, but it does piss me off to hear fat people bitch and blame McDonalds for making them fat. Last time I checked, it was not mandatory for fat people to eat fast food. Unless they have to sign a contract or something when they decide to become fat. I have no clue, I'm not fat. And yeah, the guy in Super Size Me was trying to bone an ugly chick. What's worse- the chick was a VEGETARIAN. THAT might be why he couldn't get up.

Americans are so damn lazy and stupid these days. Why the hell do the successful businesses get blamed for everything?! People have a choice and the CHOOSE to eat a McDonalds. If they are fat because of it GOOD. Makes me look better and get all the sexy women :0). Americans are always pointing their fat finger at someone else and take no responsibility. China is going to be the next world power because all of the stupid, fat people in this country bone like rabbits! By the way I am American and I am disgusted by my country's laziness, lack of accountabililty, gayness, and liberal media.

TheQuestionableEht's picture

I don't like it when people don't like fast food but I respect your comment. It is idiotic for fat people to sue McDonald's because it was their own fault they ate the chain's food. Since when was the man in Super Size Me trying to bone someone ugly? It was probably his own fault for eating nothing but super size meals for him not getting up.

LOL. Mcdonald's french fries rock my socks!

well done justin, i completely agree. id rather eat mc d over wendys or burger king any day.

i'm starting to read your column. second paragraph and i'm offended.

i hate wendys. think mc ds is the shit. but i love the movie u are bashing!

for the rest of the column, i enjoyed it. super size me is stupid. the guy in the movie is an idiot and so is his girlfriend. vegetarians annoy me.

WTF? You poor bastards...our McDonalds still lets us super size. It's the best $.39 you can spend...

To keep on the McDonalds subject....


hey i used to be a vegetarian ("used to" meaning that i couldn't hack it). they're a little crazy, but they aren't ALL that bad

I would agree with you, if McDonald's didn't make their food with 9 year olds in mind. I consider them the potty-training stage of fast-food. You grow up on them, and they tasted good back then, but eventually you need to wear regular cloth undies like the big boys. There are so many better burger joints out there.

Give me 13 year old freckled redheads and the BK lounge anyday over the golden showered arches. Or for those from texas, whataburger.

Let's not even start on their latest shitty ad campaign that has been playing on the radio and TV.

- Mike "sounding like Justin" Faerber

I can't believe i just got caught up in one of Justin's Comment argument threads.

Ronald McDonald molested me & all I got was this lousy t-shirt. :(

McDonalds doesn't make people fat, those retarded parents who feed there toddlers french fries make people fat. I read that most kids claim french fries to be their favorite vegetable.

TheQuestionableEht's picture

That is quite true. My parents used to get it more when I was younger and fries were one of my favourite food back then and still is.

haha yesss.. perfect column

Shit. Rebello just influenced my choice of lunch

You rock my world Justin! McDonalds is the shit.

Fat people are not cool. Except fat guys like Chris Farley, but they always die before they are 30.

i was just watching a commercial for mcDonalds...
and now i really want McDonalds...

wendy's is better...

Yeah McDonald's is rad & fat people suck! Anyone who says McDonald's is gross is lying!

this sounds to me like a column about how tasteless and gross mc d's is..not how good it is.

I am fat people, (yes, I always get counted as two) and you know why I'm fat? Gee, I don't know, maybe because I'm fucking lazy and never exercise and eat fast food at least for times a day. Yeah, we must differentiate here. Fat people who know why they're fat are cool. :-D Fat people who blame EVERYONE BUT THEMSELVES for being fat piss me off just as much as you skinny bitches. :-p. And parents... should not feed their kids fast food. When I weigh enough to be two people of my height, it's my own damn fault. When a two year old does, I blame Mom and Dad and just want to smack the shit out of em for teaching their kid poor eating habits, because you know these kids are going to be the ones who grow up and blame everyone else for their problems.

I totally Agree with you man! Good for you!

blood your a geezer, bout plot against the white man. How bout you go fuck ya mom

I agree with the guy who called MC kids food. It's bland and salty. Kids love it and so do I every once in a while, but there sare som many better places with some flavor to there food. (wendy's isnt one of them)

<b>I don't care what you say, McDonalds is fucking gross! I used to eat it til I found out how they slaughter their cows and how the cows they pick aren't exactly "grade A" . I remember biting into a Mcdonalds burger and getting that nasty crunchy shit that feels like a piece of bone/grissel whatever...it's sick. do you realize what you're putting into your bodies??? Half a pound of meat...3 pieces of bread, thousand island dressing...? why don't you people get off your asses and actually cook for yourselves! It tastes better, and it's cheaper! Plus, YOU'RE going to be the ones with the fat kid wearing too tight of clothes for him, and a fat little belly hanging out of a carmel-apple stained t-shirt; of course, standing in line at your local McDonalds, paying 4.95 for your next heart attack. Lazy people piss me off. I hope McDonalds goes under some day... DEATH TO MICKY-D'S!!!!</b>

TheQuestionableEht's picture

You are a retarded and despicable idiot. McDonald's is NOT extremely disgusting, that is your own poor taste buds. Sure, I also don't approve slaughtering but who cares if it is not grade A? No McDonald's burger I ate was hard at all, perhaps the burger you ate was accidental. The Big Mac is of a reasonable quantity for consumption and another reason to get fast food is when someone CAN'T cook at times. Yes, sometimes even the most unlazy people may do this.

Since who would be with a fat boy, dumbass? Heart attacks are possible but not every now and again when eating McDonald's. The chain may go on fine after you die...

If this is how you act, then get lost from this post and perhaps join a McDonald's hater club if you despise the restuarant so much. I bet some of the haters are foolish like you. You also better straighten up yourself, this behaviour will only spoil your reputation and get you insults as well as a poor chance for a swell future.

Some people don't go to McDonald's because they're lazy, they go because they are unable to make their own food at times and that's YOUR problem.

TheQuestionableEht's picture

What's more is you and Christine shouldn't say your dislike of McDonald's here when this person said he dose not like when people say to him McDonald's is not good.

I'm sorry. Were you one of those toddlers with abusive parents who feed their children food? Poor children! Its not the parents fault. McDonalds claim they are healthy in their children meals. The truth is they're not!

Alec T's picture

The demand for fast food, however, has been going down – well, in some ways. Even though the revenue is up for most fast food chains, Wendy's has decided to cut the breakfast menu from 475 of their stores, in a move that the CEO figures will help to meet the spending cut goal of $60 million from their operating costs. Fast food chains like Arby's and McDonalds have also seen more of their customers leaning towards their dollar menus since the economy has hit a crunch period and people have been getting more payday loans to meet basic costs. Wendy's has stated that they will return to their breakfast menu in 2011. Hopefully, they won't lose too many people by the time that they return to morning operations. To read or comment about this story, visit your payday loans source.

TheQuestionableEht's picture

I agree with this too. Likewise, I do get irritated when I hear people saying McDonald's is bad and all. If you don't like it, don't eat it. Why waste your dislike on a restaurant which does not taste that bad? Perhaps there are other poorer quality restaurants.

Another thing is that McDonald's food may be decent as it is popular to children which have more sensitive taste buds than adults, the latter having weaker taste and perhaps not tasting it properly.

So yes, McDonald's may not be the best food there is but it may have a good value if it may be tasted more carefully by dislikers despite mostly fast food, perhaps mostly eaten quickly as it was cooked quickly. Sure it's not very healthy but food is food, no matter what bad things it has or not. How about it then?