Anti-Chuck Norris Facts: Fighting

Chuck Norris Fighting Facts:

Chuck Norris once attempted round house kicking Jet Li. His leg broke when it connected with the television, then he fell and broke his hip.

Chuck Norris keeps a dick up his ass as much as possible to keep Jet Li from kicking it.

Chuck Norris refuses to fight in the Octagon; he will only step foot in the Decagon because there are more corners where he can cower in
fear.

Chuck Norris often joins beginner karate classes, just so that he can "accidentally" kick the shit out of little kids.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris learned the roundhouse kick not from Bruce Lee, but by jumping up and twirling around in vain, attempting
to unwedge his panties from his ass.

Chuck Norris punctuates all his roundhouse kicks with a period. The bloody kind.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Too bad his penchant for $800 platinum cock rings prevents him from being able to afford to pay the
tariffs.

David Carradine, using his "l33t" Shaolin skills, can kill Chuck Norris with his mind, then separate Chuck Norris from his body to kick his ghost's
ass.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass
kicked" you will generate over 450,000 results. It's just a fact. This page will be in the top five because Chuck Norris is easily broken down into a self-fulfilling
prophecy.

Although Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is extremely effective, he has two right feet and can therefore only use it if his enemy is on his right.
Stand on his left and Chuck Norris is as dangerous as Barney the Dinosaur's yellow friend.

No matter how many fortune cookies Chuck Norris opens, they always say "Fight like a girl."

Chuck Norris once completed a roundhouse kick so powerfully that all the hair from the top of his head ended up on his face. This is also the
origin of his cowboy hat, a mark of shame.

Uncle Jesse's mullet once won a knife fight against Chuck Norris. Uncle Jesse's mullet didn't have a knife.

Chuck Norris will fight you any time of the day. Except when "The View" is on.

Chuck Norris's second most lethal art is face painting.

Chuck Norris once lost a fight to a paraplegic because "His chi was too strong."

During World War II Chuck Norris once tried killing a Nazi soldier by pointing his finger at him and yelling "Bang!"

In the year 1248, enraged villagers broke into Chuck Norris' castle with the intention of burning him at the stake. Chuck started crying like a
little girl and the mob, feeling increasingly awkward, dispersed and agreed amongst themselves to never mention the incident again.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting implies that you might kill something. Chuck Norris goes bird watching.

Chuck Norris changed his name to Chuck in 1972 because he was in fact the Charlie we were searching for in 'Nam.

Steven Segal once took a Total Gym and rammed it up Chuck Norris' ass. Sideways. Chuck Norris never flinched.

Chuck Norris has been shot by Chuck Bronson twelve times.

For Chuck Norris, the roundhouse kick is not a signature move, it's just the closest he can come to his high school cheerleading days, which he
misses sorely.

Chuck Norris once backed out of Celebrity Boxing, fearing the wrath of Gary Coleman.

Chuck Norris had his penis surgically removed in order to make his roundhouse kicks higher.

Chuck Norris once took a kick to the balls and didn't flinch. Chuck Norris does not have balls.

Chuck Norris once fought Vin Diesel...and got absolutely fucked up.

Chuck Norris once stopped mid round-house kick because he inexplicably soiled himself.

Chuck Norris tried to round-house kick me in the face once, but he’s really old, so I moved out of the way and he fell to the ground and just
kind of laid there.

Chuck Norris once stayed awake for 30 days atop Mt. Everest awaiting his enemies. Too bad 99% of people die before they reach the top.