Monthly archives
February 2012
1991 Chicago Bulls are God's New Chosen PeopleDecember 2011
My Homework Assignment 4 Intelligent Design History ClassI Heard Some Things
The Risk of Your Sandwich Being Made By a Disgusting Slob
November 2011
As a Liberal American, I am Attracted to Islamic ExtremismI Will Create the Perfect Men's Shaver
August 2011
The Tears of a Harmless DoveI Was Taking a Schvitz
February 2011
As Your God, I Have Some Explaining to DoRenting This Two-Seated Bike was a Mistake
Sorry About the Genocide, But We Were Doing a Lot of Coke
January 2011
I am Intimidated By Your SagAs a Playboy Terrorist, It is Hard for Me to Complete Missions
Spread of the Africanized Honey Bee
Protocols of the Elders of Zion: Spring Issue
June 2009
As an Attorney Who Specializes in Pro-Bono, I Would Be Happy to Fuck YouLakers Draft 7-Foot, 90-Pound Somalian Guard
May 2009
There Was No Mistaking My TasteI'm a Better MC Than You
April 2009
If My Girlfriend Finds Out I'm Not a Real Hipster, She'll Dump MeIf the Boss Finds Out About Comcast, No Suicide Mission
January 2009
The Bitch KillersDecember 2008
Did We Have Cyber or Something?October 2008
The Tan"911: Some Crew-Cutted, Beefed-Up, Ex-Marine Just Fired a Tazer Gun at Me!"
September 2008
My Dealer Credit is BadI'll See You in the Office
A Very Personal Message
July 2008
Cancel My Subscription to "BoatWorks," Now That I am Tired of Looking Like an AssholeI Just Read Some R.L. Stine, and I Can't Be Alone Tonight
June 2008
International House Invites You to "Da Bomb"Tonight, I Will Sex You
I'm On this Quest for Truth, or Some Shit
How Much You Bench?
Help Me, Rhonda
Tell the Teacher We're Surfing
Many Aquatic Animals Will Perform for Your Pleasure
I Would Have Killed Myself Already, Except I'm Too Good-Looking







