Monthly archives

February 2012

1991 Chicago Bulls are God's New Chosen People

December 2011

My Homework Assignment 4 Intelligent Design History Class
I Heard Some Things
The Risk of Your Sandwich Being Made By a Disgusting Slob

November 2011

As a Liberal American, I am Attracted to Islamic Extremism
I Will Create the Perfect Men's Shaver

August 2011

The Tears of a Harmless Dove
I Was Taking a Schvitz

February 2011

As Your God, I Have Some Explaining to Do
Renting This Two-Seated Bike was a Mistake
Sorry About the Genocide, But We Were Doing a Lot of Coke

January 2011

I am Intimidated By Your Sag
As a Playboy Terrorist, It is Hard for Me to Complete Missions
Spread of the Africanized Honey Bee
Protocols of the Elders of Zion: Spring Issue

June 2009

As an Attorney Who Specializes in Pro-Bono, I Would Be Happy to Fuck You
Lakers Draft 7-Foot, 90-Pound Somalian Guard

May 2009

There Was No Mistaking My Taste
I'm a Better MC Than You

April 2009

If My Girlfriend Finds Out I'm Not a Real Hipster, She'll Dump Me
If the Boss Finds Out About Comcast, No Suicide Mission

January 2009

The Bitch Killers

December 2008

Did We Have Cyber or Something?

October 2008

The Tan
"911: Some Crew-Cutted, Beefed-Up, Ex-Marine Just Fired a Tazer Gun at Me!"

September 2008

My Dealer Credit is Bad
I'll See You in the Office
A Very Personal Message

July 2008

Cancel My Subscription to "BoatWorks," Now That I am Tired of Looking Like an Asshole
I Just Read Some R.L. Stine, and I Can't Be Alone Tonight

June 2008

International House Invites You to "Da Bomb"
Tonight, I Will Sex You
I'm On this Quest for Truth, or Some Shit
How Much You Bench?
Help Me, Rhonda
Tell the Teacher We're Surfing
Many Aquatic Animals Will Perform for Your Pleasure
I Would Have Killed Myself Already, Except I'm Too Good-Looking