College Quotes
"Dating is the most useless and rotten attempt by completely worthless individuals to establish a faulty image for somebody they wish to impress in a desperate, neurotic need for attention. Unfortunately, these phony people actually impress each other and end up producing ugly, noisy, gargoyle-like children. The genetic deformities inherent in the hideous smiles of their children only indicate the fact that they, like their parents, have NO FUTURES."
-Wesley, on the usefulness of dating
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A fascinating Socratic Method approach to comedy.
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About Joshua Bartel
Hometown
Prescott, Az
School
University of Chicago
At a Glance
Omar Kitrich was born in Palo Alto, Ca in 1982. He was educated at The Menlo School and The University of Chicago, where he studied philosophy. He comments primarily on "the exasperatingly recursive nature of all human endeavors". Mr. Kitrich resides in Chicago.
Recent Comments
How Much You Bench?
How much you bench? It's a simple question. And I don't mean to be antagonistic. It is a natural question for one guy to ask another. So, how much you bench?
Me, I can bench about 220. But I like to do reps with a 180-lb barbell. But enough about me already. How much you bench?
If there's one thing I like to do, it's go to the gym and pump some serious iron. I like free-weights, but there's nothing like the bench press to really measure yourself up. It's the fitness equivalent of an IQ test. That is why I am curious how much you bench.
When I first started working out, I could barely press 120. Pretty soon I was benching 140. Anybody can get stronger with practice. There's really no reason to be embarrassed. You bench more than your weight, right? How much you bench?
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You know the scene in "Menace to Society" where the basehead it so desperate to buy crack he offers the guy a cheeseburger, and, when that is rejected, says, "Man, I'll suck your dick,"...it was like that.
HAHA, stick to writing comedy in articles like "Grass Pipe" in and your replies to comments in people comparing you to Paul Frank, not in the blogs
Note to all PIC commentors - picking on Paul Frank does not automatically make you funny. Respect how much balls it takes to put yourself out there and to be judged by complete strangers who don't factor in the writer's point of view.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Frank
You tell 'em Mrs. Frank. Yall should listen to her because she's a nice lady who gives great head.
I'm sorry Mrs. Frank,
I am for real
Never meant to make your sonny cry
Now I really want to say good things about the guy....
its. just. that. OMAR KITRICH. is. too. hard. to. remember...
so we pick on the guy everyone knows
Did you know that the author of the "Hardy Boys", a man named Franlkin W. Dixon, was really about 25 people?
Two days ago, a guy asked me how much I bench, here is my reponse:
"Well, i weigh about 175, work out about five times a week, tend to shy away from twitch muscle development due to the fact that I ain't an athlet or under the age of 25 and I like to tell meatheads like who think weight number and not weight pogress is the imprtant thing to fuck off. Nice hair."
In this piece, in my humble, unsolcited (and tell me to fuck off if you want no future advice--you won't hurt my feelings) opinion you left out the response, and thus the conflict, and thus the point. Picking on stereotypes is only one part of this. And at last check, there are like four parts of this.
I took work off today and I've been driinking
But still.
But still..
Nate, thanks for the suggestion. I guess you're right that this piece could've been funnier if it was more complex, developed or sophisticated. By the way, I am a great fan of your writing, and there is no question "No Recess" is out-and-out better than a lot of what I read in "The New Yorker", or the stuff written by these trendy Gen-X novelists, Saffron-Foer, Dave Eggers, and David Sedaris. These guys have written some very corny, sissy-sounding passages. In my opinion, everything you've written that I've seen is a hit.
Wow. Thanks for being such a good sport. I hate unsolicitied PIC advice that doesn't come via email. I apologize for just-not emailing you with this. I'm an asshole.
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