The Homeless Give Back

HomelessThe unthinkable happened to me yesterday: a homeless man gave ME money.

I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

I was playing tennis at the usual ghetto courts (homeless people and crackheads loiter in groups of 6-12 [people, not age {although I thought it would be fun to try a triple-parenthetical}]), and during a changeover a homeless man of about 48 (years, not a mob of homeless personalities) came toward the fence and started muttering some incoherent line of pathetic-sounding questioning. At first I ignored him because I was talking to my friend, but he kept muttering so I feigned interest with an bratty-annoyed "What?" just long enough to hear him say something like, "...you gonna take the 5 on it?"

"No, dude," I replied, with a go away, wtf eye roll.

As I walked back to my end of the court, I saw him walking closer to the fence, until he got right up near where our bags were sitting. My first thought was that he was gonna try to snag something, then suddenly he lodged a wad of cash in a fence hole and walked away.

I've never really had anyone wad up money and give it to me for no discernable reason, so I froze for a second. Then I said something like, "Hey, umm, what is that for again? Are you... Uhh... What is it you want?"

But he didn't even turn around.

I (we, I suppose) let the money sit there. Does it count as a good deed to give a homeless man back his own money?

15 minutes later he hadn't returned, so I went over to the money. Just as I suspected: $5 in ones.

An hour later I spotted him coming over toward the courts again. I was prepared to either listen to a weird story or endure some sort of yelling for stealing his money. Instead, I was treated to a hail of 4 old tennis balls he had picked up elsewhere and lobbed onto our court.

On the way home, I stopped by CVS and bought a gallon of milk with a homeless man's money.

On the way out of CVS, a homeless man asked me for change and I gave him another homeless man's change.

It's a weird world out there, folks.

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C. Ripple's picture

I've never had a homeless man give me money before, but I did have an insane woman sit across from me at taco bell for half an hour pulling all kinds of "presents" out of her over-sized pink purse. By the time I was done with my burrito supreme I was the proud owner of a quarter-machine necklace, a compact of blue eye shadows, a half eaten bag of those gummie O things, fifteen cents in pennies, and some juicey fruit. I tried to give the first few things back but it made her really mad and I had a sneaking suspision that if I didn't just thank her for the junk I was going to get sporked to death.

Brent Stone's picture

Closest I can come to this is the other day my girlfriend managed to get a guy to buy me a drink. Made me think about getting implants and a wig. Free stuff is great.

Paul Frank's picture

One time I was in Milwaukee and this homeless black guy was showing us this faded prescription bottle and was like "I only have two dollars, I need money to get my medication for [some disease, maybe 'being black'], can you guys help me out?" and my friend was like "We're in college, we don't have any money" and I was like "Yeah, can we get the two bucks you do have?" and then he got really mad and was like "don't play that shit, nigga"

John Gillespie's picture

I use to smoke cigs with the local bum who hung around the church next to my house. One day he came to the conclusion i had bummed him around 100 dollars worth of cigs and bought me a bottle of Wild Irish Rose. I re payed him by drinking it with him on the church steps. I think he died over the winter though, t'was a sad day.

Court Sullivan's picture

So many stories, so little time...

Homeless people and college kids have two things in common: they're always broke and looking for a way to drink and smoke on somebody else's dime. After that (and not to take any importance away from those things), the similarities tend to break down.

drink, smoke, and eat. can't forget eat.

Bout time the homeless starting paying us poor pathetic renters back for a change. While there's out there in their cozy cardboards boxes getting money for nothing (and chicks for free) we work our asses off a shotgun apartment that doesnt have a view nearly as nice as that park bench. I hope this is a trend that catches on.