This morning I took a piss while simultaneously drinking from a bottle of water. Nothing puts the cycle of life in perspective more than that. I couldn't help thinking the water I was drinking was falling straight to my bladder and being pissed out. What a waste. I needed an audience. Maybe I could become the first exhibitionist illusionist. (Oh how far I've fallen from wanting to become the president in 1st grade.)
Have you ever noticed how some people always want to celebrate their birthday the night before so they can catch the midnight excitement, and other people want to celebrate their birthday on the actual day? If you've just met someone (around their birthday I suppose), this is a good personality indicator. Night-beforers are always wilder people in general. Actual-dayers? BOOOOORING.
Update: I finally bought a new cologne. It was actually an impulse buy too. As I approached the checkout counter, I sprayed some on a little card and drifted into scent heaven (where pennies go to die). Then the saleswoman walked by me and said, “Oh that stuff is my FAVORITE. The scent lasts so long. I got some for my brother and he loves it.” Not that I wouldn't have bought it anyway, but that did it. I can't resist the smell of inbred love! Fine, I was just tired of shopping.
Speaking of tired retailers, I found a deal on some jacket on Overstock.com, only to find out they were out of my size. IS IT TRUE? WAS OVERSTOCK…UNDERSTOCKED???!? WHAT'S NEXT, BUY.COM SELLING THINGS??
And finally, because women are frequently iron deficient, I leave you (for the beach) with the following:
Is it ironic that Just for Men is actually just for women?