I want to be the nocturnal owner of a train company so every time someone asks what I do I can say, “I run trains all night.” Imagine the number of confused looks and awkward silences you would get for saying that and then not following up with any other information. The sheer willpower it would take to keep a straight face and hold in a giggle would make Bill Gates' last wishes seem trivial.
Although I imagine it would be even more awkward if you said any of the following instead:
“I run trains all night, CHOO CHOO ON DAT ASS!”
“I run a train all night. Don't worry, it's a safe sex operation.”
“I run trains cuz damn if these bitches aren't cum drains.”
“I run trains on chicken head hoes.”
“I run a train all night. Would you like to take a number? We still have sloppy 15ths available on Sandy for Monday night.”
“I run a train. Basically it's just a lot of guys lining up to have sex with one girl.”