What He Says, What He Really Means

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Don’t know what your guy friends are talking about? Certain things they say don’t make sense? Use this translation dictionary to get inside their
heads.

“You seem like a nice girl.” –> “You’re good looking.”

“I trust you.” –> “You always give me sex, that’s nice.”

“I trusted you.” –> “You always gave me sex, but why no sex today?”

“I like Yoga.” –> “I have no muscles and suck at sports.”

“I’m taking a Yoga class.” –> “I like watching my hot Yoga teacher doing this and that, and I don’t mind paying 50 bucks an
hour for that.”

“I’m taking a Japanese
class.” –> “I have the Asian Girls Gone Wild series on my computer.”

“We get along perfectly. You’re like my best friend.” –> “I’m totally in love with you, why don’t you like
me?”

“HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, no, nothing…I just…hahaha!” –> “Cool! I guess that means you’re in love with me,
right?”

“Josh’s girlfriend, Anna, is a cool girl.” –> “Anna’s fucking hot, she should be chasing me, not Josh, damn.”

“No, you’re cool.” –> “I can make out with you, but no serious relationship please.”

“I don’t know about her so much…” –> “She’s ugly.”

“She’s kinda mean.” –> “She ugly.”

“She’s not very confident in herself.” –> “She’s not that good looking. Actually, she’s pretty ugly.”

“She just knows how to make me smile.” –> “She is good looking.”

“She likes all the same stuff I do, like playing soccer and jogging.” –> “I forced myself to like what she liked.”

“She’s pushy.” –> “I only made out with her like 10 times and she already wants to be my girlfriend.”

“She has some self-confidence issues.” –> “I only made out with her like 10 times, and she already freaked out when she saw me flirting
with Jessica.”

“Please let me know if you need anything.” –> “You’re cute.”

“Oh, Molly? She’s not my roommate anymore. No, we were just good friends.” –> “I made out with her a few times, but then Ashley
came over and Molly saw us making out, so Molly cried hysterically
and left.”

“What’s wrong?” –> “Does that mean no sex today?”

“I don’t know…maybe.” –> “Hell no.”

“I’ll meet you at 2pm.” –> “I might see you at 3, if you’re lucky. But don’t count on it.”

“I’ve never cheated.” –> “So I’ve made out with girls besides my girlfriend, what’s your point?”

“What did you just say?” –> “Does that mean you’re not attracted to me anymore? I thought you were totally into me! You just let
me kiss you last night! You’re such a slut, a good girl doesn’t make out with a guy who’s not her boyfriend!”

“Some guys are all about sex; I’m not like that.” –> “Technically, I’m a horny male who loves to make out with all girls in
the world, but I had 3 STDs last year, so my mom told me to be more careful about unprotected sex this year.”

“I want to know you before we make love.” –> “I have herpes.”

“We were dating, but she got so busy with her new job…” –> “She dumped me, and now she’s dating her new colleague, a
Harvard graduate. Damn I love her.”

“I can’t see you this Friday, I have work.” –> “Aunt Suzy told me to babysit her son, so I can get 10 bucks an hour. I have to
pay the water bill by tomorrow.”

“When I was little, I was a violent, dangerous kid.” –> “I was a sensitive boy who loved to read comic books.”

“I’m not really sure what’s in those folders, probably a bunch of research papers from last semester.” –> “There’s no
way in HELL I’m deleting those naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend!”

“This girl I met at the bar said she wanted to have a one night stand with me. I told her I only make love to a girl I love.” –> “I
might look ugly and fat, but let me tell you, there are still some freaks out there who want me, so hurry, come and get me my princess!”

“When I get sick, will you take care of me?” –> “I’ve been having these weird symptoms, so I guess I have HIV or something like
that. I’m looking for somebody to take care
of me for free. Anyone?”

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