Global Warming Does Not Exist

I feel dumber for reading this article. Really... a worthless piece of shit. I was hoping there might be some coherant argument that disputed Global Warming... but no. Just dumb bullshit. Too bad the author has no logic, and too bad someone let him write this crap.

Seriously, neither this article nor this writer belong on PIC.

I was hoping for at least funny....Bad Paul Frank!

I liked it, Paul.

you're dumb.

I totally agree, Evie.

After I saw the movie "The Day After Tomorrow" last week, I suggested to Paul that PIC should really get involved in shaping the future of our fragile planet. He in turn told me he had done extensive research on global warming his freshman year, and that he'd be happy to share his findings. So I gave him the "green" light, so to speak.

If I had known that global warming is "the pussy's way of whining," and that "ice had been melting since before we had cars," I never would have let him own us like that.

So believe me when I say, I feel like crap too. Shame on you, Paul Frank.

Only certain people can pull off the whole "spewing ignorant crap" and it's still funny. Didn't work here.

Not funny. Not even close to being funny.

And just for future reference, Titanic sank in 1912, not 1914. I don't know if you were just trying to be funny or if you really didn't know the correct year. Either way this entire article was just retarded.

I thought it was entertaining enough. Hard fact, Mt. Whitney produces more carbon emissions every eruption than man does in a year.

Garbage. With his stupidity, lack of humor, and overuse of the word "owned". He sounds like a 15 year old WOW addict.

If you come to PIC looking for coherent arguments regarding legitimate political views, you're on the wrong site.

I hate to have explain why something is funny or humorous to people, but here goes anyway. Paul was taking very obvious things that you see every day and disputing years of research done by professionals. Like the fact that ice melts no matter what. It's not a ground breaking argument he's trying to make, it's just an observation. Relax.

In other words, I liked it Paul.

Hey dickface, what makes a PIC column "funny" is if it's poking at truth - and most people buy science and not rhetoric. What about the sea levels rising ever year? You think that's a figment of the "liberal's" imaginations, too? Or the winters every year being slightly warmer than the year before - that too, is in our heads? Or the fact that the mean surface temperature anomalies of the Earth gets warmer every year -- that also, is a hoax? Really, Paul? Really? Or the big hole in the ozone layer that science has proved to be the result of emissions, which has caused more sun to seep in; and the location of where the ozone layer is depleted the most, just so happens to have the highest cases of skin cancer in the world? That too, is all faked, correct? Or the steady decline of the ozone depletion in the stratosphere of the Earth shown in the measurements -- ALL FAKE, yes? Wow, the d bags who doubt global warming are the same pack of cunts who would have thought the world was flat centureis ago. If you really think it's OK to have as much emissions as we want, you can count on fewer oppportunities for snowmen to magically come to life. Ignorant cocks like you don't deserve to live on this Earth, your more deserving for a place like Hell.

I actually thought this was humorous, not because he was being argumentative, but because he actually pissed people off because of it. Oh and if anyone wants to build a snowman when the Earth gets so hot, it snowed in IRAQ the other day so come and join us for sno angels and hot cocoa!

P.S. Iraq is freaking cold right not.

this isnt even funny, i hope you don't believe what you're saying.. thatd be embarassing. take an environmental science course before speaking, none of your arguments make sense.

I just laughed so hard and reading the comments from angry readers made it even better. This is pointincase.com get a sense of humor

I give up.

However, since everybody wanted a PIC writer to research Global Warming (as if that's what PIC writers do) I thought I'd provide everybody with these awesome links!!! YAY

http://www.epa.gov/climatechange/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_warming

http://www.environmentaldefense.org/page.cfm?tagid=1344

http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/default.asp

http://www.climatehotmap.org/

http://www.globalwarming.net/

I hope this answers all your questions about Global Warming

kthxbye

In addition to generally higher global temperatures, weather patterns are becoming more intensified. That means that when it gets cold, it will get really cold, and when it gets hot, it will get really hot. Places that aren't normally cold will get cold, which explains the snow in Iraq. Similarly, places that are usually warm will be cooler. The atmosphere has become less stable and is changing too quickly for us to properly adapt.

Before I comment let me make it clear, I dont agree with Global Warming. I dont deny it.. so dont get me wrong. Secondly, Paul you are a moron. Once you figure out just because you say it, doesnt make it true. Come back and write something worth reading. I could have shat you a better article with more proof that global warming didnt exist than you could with hrs of typing. Would save us all time, cus ultimatly it SUCKED. All this big talk of facts and yet you brought us no solid proof.

i laughed, i cried, i re-learned one of life's most valuable lessons - hippies have no sense of humor. good times guys...good times.

Come on... do you guys REALLY think this Paul Frank was being serious in his argument? I mean honestly if he was, then yeah complete moron, but if he wasn't... then who are the morons? Maybe instead of him being too dumb to get real facts, maybe everyone else here is too stupid to realize it was a joke. Some people get too butt-hurt too easy these days.

Well, you can believe what you want, and I can believe what I want which are two very different things, but even if you don't believe in global warming (obviously you don't) I hope that you, and other people like you don't go around wasting the earth's resources while you write arguments like this and "own" liberals (whom you are very stereotypical about) because no matter what side you stand on it is very obvious that excessive pollution is a bad thing, for us and the future to come.

Well, the article sucked...

but the comments were hilarious! Jizzelle needs to chill the fuck out.

I was just hoping it would be funny and not something that you could read on Rush Limbaugh's site. Pretty lame.

Guys, jeez, hes kidding

Global warming, also known as Climate Change, is a STUPID theory by a bunch of tree-hugging liberal hippies that states unless we go back and live in caves, the polar ice caps will melt and life as we know it will cease to exist. This theory comes from a bunch of idiotic scientists who really have no clue what they're talking about...after all, they're only scientists, who ever wants to listen to them? I mean sure, I admit they were right about the world being round...and the planets going around the sun... and lightning being caused by opposite charges between the earth and the sky, not Zeus...and worms and rats not appearing out of nowhere...and stars being balls of gas burning millions of miles away, not holes in heaven...and the brain being the center of the nervous system, not the heart...and lead poisoning being able to kill you...and cigarettes being bad for you, and everything else ever discovered or invented, but still! They're wrong!

They're all a bunch of liberal crackpots who have a political agenda, so who wants to listen to them? It is almost exclusively believed by left wing bleeding-heart Democrats who are influenced by rich environmental lobby groups and opposed to the economy and anyone with a job. One of these bleeding heart socialist Democrats, Al Gore, has made a propaganda video regarding global warming entitled An Inconvenient Truth which uses heartless fear-mongering, and all kinds of heartless, cruel, un-American facts in an attempt to get people to consume less and sabotage the American economy, culminating in Ford going out of business, which will mean that the terrorists will win. Republicans would never use this type of fear mongering for political gain, never! So stop criticizing us, after all, you don't want the terrorists to come get you, right? These global warming people are the same tree hugging hippies that said DDT was bad for the environment back in the 70s and 80s!

The following are causes liberals attribute to global warming:

1)Being serious
2) Sea levels are rising because the USA is sinking under the immense weight of 300 million fat people.
3) The release of KFCs
4) The exponential growth of the human population
5) The use of fossil fuels (i.e. Vaseline)
6) Praying
7) Christians
8) Al Gore's Private Jets
9) George W. Bush
10) Your wide-screen plasma TV with built-in electricity waster.
11) Eating meat
12) Editing this article
13) You
14) Trees
15) Cow farts
16) You breathing
17) You reading this article
18) Smoking
19) Trying to prevent Global Warming
20) Thinking about trying to prevent Global Warming
21) Thinking
22) An alarming increase in the release of post-modern Oxymorons from university landfills. This has been monitored by the LandShatSat satellite network since the 1800's

The decrease in the number of pirates has been cited by these stupid, tree-hugging hippies as proof that humans are irreversibly raping our planet. This does not mean anything though, as temperatures have been known to be bouncing around constantly and reached record highs since the hottest period of mankind, the Ice Age. Of course, these "bouncings" were all minor and had natural causes, but so does this! I'll get back to you later about what the natural cause is, but I assure you that there is one! Humans aren't the cause of global warming! They also aren't the cause of deforestation, or pollution of any kind! I read on Fox News that pollution is actually good, and we should actually make more of it! So there's nothing to worry about!

Even if global warming is true, which it probably isn't, the Bible clearly states that we can not put animals and the environment ahead of human beings. Bleeding heart left wing socialist flag-burning children claim that global warming will have a profound impact on Earth. Some even say that New York will be underwater, but why would anyone not want that to happen? It'll make a great place to take a submarine! Some other bleeding wing left heart socialist child-burning tree huggers insist that the melting polar ice caps will permit antediluvian diseases to thrive. But who cares? We need less people on Earth anyway! There is some evidence that religious fanatics across America may be jumping on the environmental bandwagon, but our brave leader George W. Bush is helping to putting an end to that by branding anyone who speaks out against global warming as an environmental-Nazi.

Proposed ways to combat global warming:

1) Become a pirate
2) Stop farting
3) Desert civilization and start living off the land again
4) Don't vandalize this page
5) Don't vote Republican
6) Run your Air Con full blast all year long
7) Burn down your neighbourhood
8) Assasinate Al Gore
9) Become paranoid
10) Continue not thinking
11) Eat more beef
12) Not being serious
13) Call it something else
14) Enter a 'Warm Age'

Fuckin A, you are the worst writer on this site. Just cuz your extremely ugly does not make you funny. PICK DIFFERENT TOPICS!!! Or perhaps just try being funnier.....

I don't understand how half the people that read this were pissed about it. Apparently global warming is such a galvanizing subject that it makes people truly retarded in their pursuit towards environmental righteousness.

I only wrote this to piss people off.

Hahahah.

You owned us? In what way? Just saying that smokestacks don't pollute doesn't make it true. You have absolutely no proof and no source except your intuition. Find an unbiased article that says cars and smokestacks don't pollute. Seriously, I mean it. Show me one so you win the argument indefinitely, because right now you're telling me that I shouldn't worry about my kids having to deal with storms like Katrina being the global norm just because you say so. I can hear you saying yes to yourself right now.

Also, if you did any form of research you would realize that the Titanic sank at the same longitude as New York. In the Titanic's time, about 350 bergs floated down to this level from the north and every year coastguard planes were sent out to bomb a few of them in order to keep the shipping routes safe. In the past several years they haven't had to do this because icebergs melt before they get anywhere near this latitude.

A direct quote from an article about these very coastguard planes explains this in detail. Google "where have all the icebergs gone?" and the first result is this article. A direct quote is: "If the unidentified floating object below the approaching plane is in fact an iceberg, it will be the first one seen in the shipping lanes since May 2005 ­ a situation perplexing to oceanographers but emboldening to those shouting loudly about the effects of climate change."

Please, I'm begging you to literally call me a loud shouter. I will be devastated if I don't immediately get at least 5 replies calling me a loud shouter! (imagine that last line being shouted at you)

However, I did like your line about the Bible telling us we can do whatever the hell we want with Earth's resources. I'd also like to point out that a line in the book "inspired by God" says the following: "He made the Sea of cast metal, circular in shape, measuring ten cubits from rim to rim and five cubits high. It took a line of thirty cubits to measure around it. Below the rim, gourds encircled it - ten to a cubit. The gourds were cast in two rows in one piece with the Sea. The Sea stood on twelve bulls, three facing north, three facing west, three facing south and three facing east. The Sea rested on top of them, and their hindquarters were toward the center. It was a handbreadth in thickness, and its rim was like the rim of a cup, like a lily blossom. It held two thousand baths." -1 Kings 7:23-26

A ten cubit diameter and a thirty cubit circumference? Apparently, God says pi equals three.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that this was the dumbest, least thought out piece of writing I've ever seen. And, dare I say it, have pwned you, which is how <i>us</i> loud-shouting, tree-hugging, hippies say owned. Also, I would be delighted to counter any response to this post. Have a wonderful day! :-)

Oh, and I expect those loud shouter comments.

"Oh, and I expect those loud shouter comments."

You, sir, did not cite any sources to back up your claims. When you can cite sources, like the one linked below, I will consider taking you seriously. Until then, read the scientific evidence below.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI">Global Warming: A Politicians Myth</a>

Okay. So because the ice cubes melted in room temperature while sitting over night means that ice always melts? yes but it is SUPPOSED to be below freezing at the polar ice caps. and because the ice is now melting means that the temperature is rising...or should i say climate? Sure you just had a snow storm, so did we here in vermont but you are confusing TEMPERATURE with CILMATE. They are two different things, look them up.

You claim that us "al-gore-worshipping cunts" have no scientific fact? well where the hell is yours? instead of that to bypass by bring up a conversation about homosexuals.

Calling us names and writing stereotypical LIES about liberals is NO way going to convince anyone. I think that insinuating that all liberals are drug pushers? well maybe we are not the pushers...if you know what i mean, cuz dude? u have got to be on something to be that stupid and retarded. And i hope that it is drugs because then theres somewhere to put the blame. Its becuase of people like you that nothing is getting done about global warming.

Thanks. PLEASE email me cuz i'd relaly like to talk about your "scientificly based" claims

Alright J. B. Hour, that is pretty much exactly what I told you. And if you noticed, I did have sources. If you can't take the time to do a google search to back up your opinion, then I don't care what you have to say anymore.

Anonymous,

If you can't take a joke, Google search Rick Astley.

Relax, you're on a comedy site.

c'mon guys, don't be all judgmental toward Paul, he's obviously an ignorant, small minded man, who likely has been arrested several times. and likely doesn't have a clue about what's going on in the world. he has opinions -whether or not he actually believes them or just states them for attention in questionable - but paulie, you should try to keep your language pg my friend...cause if you ever spoke like to near me in a public place and my kid sister heard it, i would definitely throw a punch your way...and it's likely that you're either obese or too skinny to fight back...so i think the odds would be in my favor...later .

I feel like this article was one of the most evidence lacking, biased, literally ignorant piece of literature i have read recently.I'm a fifteen year old and i guarantee i could write something more beneficial and factual than this.
I gagged when you said "The melting ice caps and the car and factory pollution claims ain’t got shit on fact, bitch".Obviously they do if there is a abundance in evidence supporting it instead of opposing it, which other individuals have already brought up.I do public forum debate and if you came into a round and spoke this,i would honestly rip you to shreds.Your talking about ice melting in a 72 degrees Fahrenheit home,not the arctic where its typically freezing.
This was only amusing for this comment box where i get to discuss my disapproval of this article and basically bash it.
Thanks for wasting my time.

This is a really terrible article... I don't think it's worth writing anything in response because the author doesn't have enough brain cells to comprehend anything with actual logic in it... but oh well...

Greenhouse gases are necessary to life on earth. If we were to look at how far away the earth is from the sun, along with it's orbit and amount of solar radiation that reaches the earth and is then radiated back towards space (it's called blackbody radiation), the earth's average temperature would be about -15˚ C, and we wouldn't exist. Everything would be covered in ice. So what do we have to thank for allowing us to live in our nice happy planet? Greenhouse gases! Water vapor, carbon dioxide, methane, and nitrous oxide are all responsible for our ability to live here. Before humans started burning carbon into the atmosphere, the amount of carbon did fluctuate, and has been over the past many thousands of years. Now, that being said, the level of carbon has never been more than 300 ppm (parts per million). How much is it now? about 382 ppm. But that's just a coincidence, right? ANyway, Carbon dioxide absorbs certain wavelengths of infrared radiation that the earth emits and keeps that heat in the atmosphere. Therefore, the more carbon there is in the atmosphere, the more heat gets trapped and the warmer the earth gets. All this carbon that we are putting into the air used to be stored in the depths of the ocean in these fossil fuels (that's why they're called fossil fuels; decaying organic matter sinks to the ocean and is held there). THe problem is, the rate at which we take carbon out of these fossils fuels is astronomically greater than the rate at which organic matter decays and replenishes the fossil fuels at the bottom of the ocean. THis is why we're running out of oil for one thing, and this is where all the carbon is coming from that is warming the planet.

Ugh, people are so stupid.

this is real information cause im usin it 4 my science project
cheers

I am so totally with you..And for Al Gore to win a Nobel Peace Prize for that stupid book..that's just INSANE!

Titanic sunk in 1912, moron.

Wow. I just wasted 2 minutes reading this stupid article and 2 minutes writing this comment. Ice melts anywhere, in any condition, in any temperature except in temperatures below freezing? Well why do you think ice is there in the first place? It's because it WAS below freezing, moron. You didn't say anything about the ozone layer except that those who say it's being destroyed are gay, and the rest had nothing related to proving global warming doesn't exist.

My perspective on global warming aside, I found this article to be a great waste of time. It was not scientific, it was not factual, and it was not funny. I don't know, maybe my 13 year old cousin might find it funny since the author says things like how he supposedly 'owned' liberals. However, any intelligent adult would not find this even remotely funny. Two thumbs down.

Dude, That was comical genious, u need to write more... Ur the type of guy id want to sit back and have a beer with.

Why are people looking on PIC for scientific facts? Seriously, I thought you were all meant to be college kids or something? Fucking idiots.

I thought this was funny; not as great as a lot of other of Paul's rants, but fucking hell... come on people! He's using homophobic comments about fucking smokestacks to explain global warming - THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE ARTICLE.

In conclusion, you have all been owned.

So all those who recognize the damage that humans are causing to the planet are wrong? Even uneducated idiots like John McCain recognize these truths. Further, those in denial of environmental damage by humans seem to be mostly under 30 years of age, and with as much historical perspective as a piece of pidgeon poop.

suck my balls people

yeah so it was a joke, clearly, but... i didn't think it was funny.. in fact i wish i had those few minutes of my life back...

and all you idiots that are talking like it was a serious article.. go fuck yourselves... get a fucking clue you fucks...

I read this article/comments every night before I go to bed. Thank you Paul Frank for creating a world that I want to live in and thank you Court for playing with the statistics to make this the highest rated article ever written. I sleep well knowing that people are out there...thinking about stuff.

"Now that I’ve refuted the melting of ice caps argument and owned you, let’s move on, shall we?"

failure. the author of this article and complete and utter moron. i was reading the comments before i started reading the article, i thought you people were beign a little hard on this guy. definitely not being too hard. he truly is a rE-tard

Seriously, how stupid can u get u dumb fuck? Seriously? Whatever possessed you to right this untruthful bullshit u call "facts'? And if u were jking and trying to be funny ur goal was not met, u just labeled urself as a complete asshole. Ur parents are probably ashamed of you

That information is untrustworthy. I can prove each of your statements wrong:

1. The Titanic did sink because of an iceberg, but that is certainly NOT a way to disprove global warming. Yes, there may have been icebergs since the North and South Pole existed, but the fact is that there is more ice that is melting. AND, the Titanic sank in 1912, not 1914.
2. Scientists are certainly not being gay when they are talking about how delicate the ozone layer is. It is very thin, and is being destroyed by fossil fuels. You just can't face the facts, can you?
3. Al Gore's documentary is based on statistics and facts, unlike this crap you've written. In fact, I don't know why you wrote it in the first place!

So THERE! I've proved all of your statements wrong! This is the biggest load of CRAP I've ever read about global warming, and you need to get your facts right!

okay...you say ice melts anywhere except for in below freezing temperatures....

well where the ice caps in the world are melting....

IT IS BELOW FREEZING!

... so not entirely sure what point you were trying to prove there.

First of all, it's not the ozone layer that's being destroyed. All of you have got it wrong.

And secondly, the idiot who wrote this was just putting false information forward. Maybe global warming isn't happening, but you don't have to make up fake evidence to prove it.

do you guys not understand it says: "comedy article"?