Welcome to Hell – A Brand Book
Now you’re suspended on a wall of shard glass as rabid monkeys devour your intestines and Dave Matthews’ 2002 album “Busted Stuff” blasts on repeat.
Tag: Satire
I’m Sorry I’m Only an Attempted Murderer
Your family has a long legacy of murderers, and you hoped to marry one yourself. You envisioned a picture-perfect life as a convicted murderer’s wife.
The “Lex Ed” You Wish You’d Had When You Were Younger
Polls show that over 80% percent of people in their late teens have tried talking in a foreign language at least once.
It Has Come to My Attention that People Think My Small Business, “Randy’s Adult Superstore,” Is a Porn Shop
We're clearly marked, "Randy's Adult Superstore"! A normal store for normal, non-sex crazed adults. What’s the issue here?
An Oral History of Todd’s Hot Pocket Disaster of 2018
Rose* (Human Resources Officer, 1999-Present): He walked into this office on his very first day with that Hot Pocket.
On Bread: A Deep History of a Common Food
Hundreds of generations of humans have been sustained on some sort of bread, the same food that I shovel into my mouth with abandon at Olive Garden.
A Referee Job Description, Written by the Coach Whose Team Lost the Youth Basketball Championship
This is a flexible position, in that you can decide when you are going to do any damn work even though you’re getting paid for it.
Popular Instagram Life Coaches for Women
To learn how to kick that pesky eating habit, click the link in my profile to book a free info session today!
New York Times Restaurant Review: Big Terry’s Truck
The atmosphere of Big Terry’s truck was rustic Americana at its finest, from the American Flag seat covers to the Springsteen on the radio.
Military-Grade Germ Precautions to Take Against Your Highly Contagious Boyfriend
The situation has changed, soldier. You’ve shacked up with ultimate germ vector: A human male.
I’m the Fun Mom on This Migraine Commercial and I’m Begging You, Please Kill Me
My headache thundered with every step, but we'd duel for hours with our tin-foil-covered balsa wood swords.
I’m Sam Spade, Professional Book Blurber
“It’s been a long time since I burst into tears because a publishing house didn’t get its jacket copy before deadline.”