Tom Brady Reveals His Deepest Regret in a Letter to Coach Belichick
All I ever wanted was to be the fourth son of Mike Brady on that killer 1970's TV show, The Brady Bunch. Instead, my life veered off course.
Tag: Relationships
Airbnb Review for “Stockholm Syndrome Sanctuary” (4.5/5 Stars)
Waking up handcuffed to a deck chair and duck taped to the point of suffocation was exactly what my girlfriend and I needed to stop fighting.
Five Sweaters That Say, “I’m Open to the Idea of Talking About Maybe Doing Anal”
Specific sweater styles that tell him you're open to the idea of talking about maybe taking it up the butt, maybe. But probably.
A Non-Partisan Guide to Swinging Both Ways
Have you ever lusted after Bernie Sanders' egalitarian utopia but then felt you were cheating on that copy of Reagan's "City Upon a Hill" speech?
I’m Afraid Audiences Watched “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” with the Unrealistic Expectation That It Would Save My Marriage
As crazy as it seems, I believe Star Wars fans felt cheated when the credits rolled and Melinda and I were still on the brink of divorce.
Attention Parker Valley Middle School: I’m Gonna Be a Skater Now
It is with heavy heart that I, Robby Schwartz, wish to announce that I am no longer a punk rocker. I am now a skater; please accept my decision.
I Want to Settle Down and Get Married But I’m Trapped in the San Diego Zoo’s Rhino Cage, Okay Mom?
I do want to settle down and get married. But I'm also stuck in the San Diego Zoo's rhinoceros cage and it's way harder to meet women in here.
Traveling Back in Time and Making It So I Was Never Born Has Put a Serious Strain on My Marriage
In my quest to pitch "The King of Queens" a year before Kevin James could, I accidentally interrupted my parents' first date, thus ruining my marriage.
How I Finally Pooped on the Bird That Pooped on Me
I'm a man who took more than half a month tracking down a bird with nothing but the shirt on his back and an $800 bird costume. A proud man.
Re: Need a Date to My Office Holiday Party
I saw your Craigslist ad about needing a date to your office holiday party. Here's more about me and why you should take me as your plus one!
Son, You’re Going to Have to Tell Me More About This Guy You Saw Mommy Kissing Underneath the Mistletoe Last Night
First of all, son, I'm not angry with you for peeking downstairs. I just want you to tell Daddy more about the man you saw Mommy kissing, okay?
How to Celebrate Christmas Without Letting Your Cousin Know You Want to Fuck
When Uncle Bob leads the family in grace, take the opportunity to open Tinder for some discreet, under-the-table swiping, but still visible to Derek.