My Only Regret is That I Have But 96 Lives Per Day to Give For My Country by Wayne LaPierre
While a Nathan Hale could die but once, I, Wayne LaPierre, must oversee a daily sacrifice nearly five score that many Americans from gun violence.
Tag: High School
You’re Invited to Celebrate the 15th Anniversary of My Grudge Against Cindy
We both loved Avril and each other and had friendship bracelets to prove it. It would be weeks before I learned that she was a rotten, heartless liar.
Queer Blockbuster Movies Coming Out in 2019
"Drag Queen Zombies Attack!" Things are jockstraps and Jonas Brothers until suddenly, Mary Fairy and Anita Dick attack and try to eat their brains.
Predict How Alone You’ll Die
2. You thought your invitation to Megan’s bridal shower was coming, only to see two other women just Insta'd photos from the shower. What do you do?
Goddammit, I Think I Earnestly Like Everything I Claim to Like Ironically
I wasn’t just enjoying, but empathizing with contestants on The Bachelor. I shut it off and recollected my ironic self over a lukewarm Zima.
iOS 12 Will Help Fight Phone Addiction by Having Your High School Bully Threaten to Kick Your Ass if You So Much as Look at Your Phone
Swirlies, wet-willies, the thing where you step on the back of someone’s shoe and it comes off, ‘flat-tiring...’ It’ll all be in iOS 12.
If Bachelorette Contestants Were Burger King Menu Items
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
The Truth About Landing a Podcast Deal in Prison
The producers were convinced that my boyfriend Todd was the actual killer. Have you seen Todd? My little baby cousin is stronger than him.
The Official NRA Guide to Cyberbullying Teenagers
The only thing that stops a bad kid with a dream is a good fully grown adult with a Twitter account. Please heed these social media tips.
The Kids You Went to High School With Who are Definitely in Prison Now
13. The Kid That Pretended Fun Dip Was Cocaine Arrest Record: Oh, definitely real cocaine Common Names: Skyler, Dana, Jonah
Why Buy a New Car When You Can Still Cruise in Your High School Clunker?
Now I know smart car person phrases like, “you can tell the water pump is going out when you press the radio button and water squirts out.”
Weapons of Mass Instruction for Everyone in Every School
Who's in favor of ending "gun-free zones" and replacing them with "free gun zones"? The answer to every question in America is "more."