A 49-Year-Old’s Thoughts While Walking the Dog
Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.
Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.
Honestly, I’m really totally fine being the one who gets his name mispronounced by a YouTube personality when we win an MTV Video Music Award.
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
The great reviews it got were a combination of people pleased with its cooling capabilities as well as it’s craftsmanship as a self-death machine.
Michael and LeBron do not like mountain climbing. They’re just not any good at it. Conversely, Baby Goat can scale a mountain like nothing.
Inhale deeply, for you must use the communal microwave to reheat your leftover risotto, which will add another layer to the complex scent.
"The Brexit": The UK is on a train about to crash. Unfortunately, they were on a safe track and decided to pull the switch to crash themselves.
I purchased several bottles of Gorilla glue. Far more than would be needed in the house and/or for any "school project." In a week we were out again.
While our aesthetic up until about mid-2016 was "cozy cabin," our current aesthetic is more like "amicably abandoned sanitarium."
Your most memorable characteristics of me were “those eyes” and “that body.” Newsflash, Rick: most women on this planet have eyes and a body.
So why don’t you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and let me rock your world? Blast me straight onto this salad bar’s garbanzo beans.
OMG Literally Dead Plant: The most common millennial houseplant, it comes in all varieties that ultimately end the same way---dead AF.