An Apology from That One Friend Who Takes the Super Bowl Too Seriously
I’m sorry I climbed a utility pole outside during halftime to hang a handmade flag with my team’s logo.
Tag: Football
A Day in the Life of a Maroon 5 Member Who is Not Adam Levine
9:07 PM: You wonder if you were actually the one who made the comment about the band name and have been replaced by an Adam Levine. You’re not sure.
You are Cordially Invited to This Year’s Thanksgiving, Which My Son Will Be Filming to Expose the Sham of the Modern Family
To symbolize the risks one takes when they pledge loyalty based only on shared blood, one small razor blade will be hidden in the macaroni scramble.
A Principal’s Tough Conversation with His Coolest Student
"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."
Colin Kaepernick Would Be a Distraction, So We’ve Signed Donald Trump To Be Our New Quarterback
Luckily, the staff at the White House told us that things actually run a lot better when he’s not around, so they’ve agreed to lend him to us for the next few years.
I’m the Pharaoh of This House and Therefore Must Be Buried in My Man-Cave
Supposedly, the journey to the after-life is long. And so, I’ll need my grill and some prime-ass steaks for the long ride.
I’m the Protagonist of a British Rom-Com and My Dear, I’ve Been Lying to You
I can't marry you into the Dukedom of Wellington: my parents are not the Duke and Duchess of Wellington. They're the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire!
Welcome to Our World Cup Party Where We Know Very Much About This Sport
Keeper is the proper term for goalkeeper, which I know from all the soccer I watch and not from memorizing the Quidditch positions in Harry Potter.
The Streaming Services Argue About What to Watch on Basic Cable
Hulu: Ohhh, let me guess, you want to watch something with a Strong Female Lead? Netflix: Honestly, that one gets over-cited.
Here is the Ancient Ritual You Must Follow If You Wish to Quit the Football Team
A rapidly disintegrating map will be given to you as you step out of the self-reflection pod. It will lead you to the Sewer of Quitters.
If Bachelorette Contestants Were Burger King Menu Items
100% white meat between a mayonnaise-soaked bun, this Trump-supporter gets drunk off vodka cranberries and admits that he’s never met a black person.
Why I Won’t Let My Son Sign Up For Pee-Wee Football
It’s a commitment, most football teams have several practices a week. As a single parent, I can’t make that work. Also my son is made of glass.