<p><img src="/files/u2/jonas-brothers.jpg" alt="Jonas Brothers on People Magazine cover" hspace="4" vspace="3" width="150" height="199" align="right" />Have you ever wondered why companies give you a confirmation number for a transaction? If something goes wrong and they don't believe you bought a product or can't find your information, why does one complicated number clear everything up?
Last summer I got the strangest letter in the mail, on my birthday. The letter was from an "Inmate of Broward Correctional Facility."
<img src="/files/u2/baby-carrier-front.jpg" alt="Front baby carrier" title="Get me the FUCK away from this bitch!" hspace="4" vspace="3" width="125" height="171" align="right" />I think those baby carriers women wear on their chest are super weird. Baby frontpacks if you will. It's like these women had some urge to be pregnant all over again, which I've never heard ANY woman request before.
<img src="/files/u2/billionaire-crown.jpg" alt="Billionaire dressed as royalty with a huge crown" title="Now fetch me my gold polish!!" hspace="4" vspace="2" width="145" height="248" align="right" />Do you ever get the feeling that when the government casually throws around numbers like "$800 billion" and "$410 billion spending plan" that billionaires around the world are getti
<img src="/files/u2/notepad-designer-bw.jpg" alt="Black and white notepad rolodex" title="Takin it back to the old school" hspace="4" vspace="2" width="125" height="160" align="right" />With all the technologies these days for sharing even short amounts of information with lots of people at once (Facebook, MySpace, mass texting, BCC emails, Twitter, blogs, comments, profiles, chats, etc, etc), som
<img src="/files/u2/checkbook-hand.jpg" alt="Person writing a check" title="Worst $300 ever" hspace="3" width="150" height="188" align="right" />Here's the easiest way to figure out how rich or poor one of your friends is: write them a check for $300 and see how fast they cash it. <p><strong>1 day:</strong> Broke as hell.
<p><img src="/files/u2/zuckerberg-winklevoss-twins.jpg" alt="Zuckerberg and Winklevoss twins" title="'I've always wanted to have a threesome!'" hspace="4" width="200" height="149" align="right" />Facebook ended up <a href="http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/02/10/state/n230703S73.DTL" title="SFGate: Facebook appraisal pegs company's value at $3.7B">paying off the three ConnectU dudes</a> who said Zuckerberg stole their idea somewhere between $31 and $65 MILLION.</p><p>You know how they found out that number, despite all parties going to great lengths to keep it a secret?</p>
<p><img src="/files/u2/facebook-kiss-gift.gif" alt="Facebook kiss virtual gift" title="100 creepy points!" hspace="4" width="76" height="86" align="right" />Guys, here's a simple way to become the creepiest friend ever on Facebook:</p>
<p>Sometimes advertisers like to give us their stuff to give to you for free. It's like a stimulus plan for their product: give the people a little bit and they'll run out and trade it for a huge house they can't afford, only to come running back for more when they can't make the payments. Or something. </p>
<p><img src="/files/u2/human-brain.jpg" alt="Memorization brain" title="Uhh, what comes next again?" width="135" height="157" align="right" />You know what my most regrettable weakness is? Not being able to memorize stuff. It's closely related to my inability to recall certain things I've done in the past, but at least having a bad memory doesn't affect the events themselves. Having no capacity for memorization actually <em>prevents</em> me from doing things (or at least doing them well).</p>
<p>I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day and there was one other guy in there. Pretty ghetto lookin' dude, slouched in his seat a couple of chairs down from me, not looking hard, obviously in distress.</p>
I think Dale Carnegie missed out on a key segment of the population: unborn babies. Imagine if you could just teach people how to win friends and influence people FROM THE WOMB. What else does a fetus really have to do all day besides lay around and get nutrients through a tube?