This morning, I was walking around the streets of Morgantown doing what I do every Sunday morning: trying to find my car. I was still a little drunk (we stopped drinking at 4 and it was 7) and the battery on my cell was nearly dead. Luckily, I had just enough juice to call a few people and eventually track down my Ford POS. It was about 3 miles away at my buddy Matt's place. Nobody was willing to get their lazy ass out of bed to help me get to it, so I started walking up one of Morgantown's busiest streets, University Ave.
If you're unfamiliar with a college town, here's what Sunday morning looks like, (especially on the busiest street):
Elderly church-goers walk into downtown with limps or walkers or drive gold/silver four-door sedans that look like unmarked cop cars.
Soccor Moms power walk.
Old, dirty men get coffee
Sinful harlots and pimps walk away from downtown with limps, wearing torn clothing and sexual juices in their undergarments (if they still have them on).
Anyway, as I continued up University a mile or so, I noticed a flier stapled securely to a telephone pole.
It read:
GODDESS
GODDESSSOULOVENERGY
“egnahC”
OweNarEewe are mellow peaceful eclectic souls…
…(excited by “change”)EternaLovEnergy souls (who are)
distressed by the fast pace of this distorted
hierarchal humanistic (unconscious) culture and
it's mad rush DOWN-TO DEATH–lemming rushing
over the precipice.For “ones” who feel this ONEness andesire to
abandon the madness around us + seek “change”
(304) 379-2322
> [email protected]who love their (your) divine bodies as the holy temples they
are and care for their condition + exercise accordingly
So apparently, there's a fucked-up hippie cult right here in Morgantown!!! This means…FUN FOR NICK!
I love it. I love it. I love it!
I couldn't wait to get home and email them…
But you don't get to see that.
…
OKAY! HERE IT IS!
Hello Miss,
Today, I saw your flier “GODDESS” on University avenue. I believe myself to be a mellow, peaceful, eclectic soul who is excited
by change!I am very interested in joining you. I feel as though society has too many rules and restrictions. I feel that instead of working to live, we're living to work. I feel as though marijuana should be legal. The only problem is, I'm not a girl.
I'm not even a lesbian.
Is that a problem? I'd love to join all of you ladies in becoming one. I no longer wish to be a lemming, rushing over the precipice.
Help me….
Thank you for your time,
Emerson Parker
Also, I have some questions for any of you readers who feel as though you could answer any of the following questions FOR the leader of this…”cult.”
1) By “change” do you mean “dope?”
2) How much “change” do you have to smoke in order to lose your mind, as you obviously have?
3) You're so intelligent, combining the last letter with the first like that…how do you not societally crash under the weight of your own genius? (Oh…wait…)
4) Why did you spell “change” backwards? I mean, seriously, what the fuck?
5) Don't you find it ironic that you used paper, a sharpie and a pen…all products in which society has somehow made useful to you, yet you bash it? Der.
6) Have you ever heard the phrase “If everybody's trying so goddamned hard to be different, then everybody is, in essence, EXACTLY THE SAME!”
7) Aren't you just a fucking lazy Commie?
8) Got any “change?”….I'm only looking for a dime
Well that's enough for now…
Stay tuned folks =)
It's fun to fuck with nutjobs.
Come to think of it…it's fun to get a nutjob.
(the weirdest shit happens to me)