Some people consider me pretty smart, but also witness me doing some really amazingly idiotic things. 

My grandma bought me the Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe when I was about nine years old. Reading is really important in my family, so after I finished the first book, I found the rest of the "Chronicles of Narnia" in my next Christmas stocking. Or a Christmas present. That seems like a pretty big stocking stuffer.

Anywho, I loved those books. I wanted to be those kids and share their adventures with talking lions, swords, queens, never having to go to gym class and such. Also about this time, somebody told me British people were smarter than Americans, so I decided I would sound British. So I reread the books to find out how to be British so people would think I was smarter than I actually was.

The most noticeable thing was that Americans spell "color" differently than the Brits, whose Queen's English says it's "colour." On top of that, I assumed since the spelling was different, the pronounciation was too. And I thought the Brits across the sea could rhyme "colour" and "velour."  

Thus, the next day of school the new-and-British-and-improved version of KC marched inside feeling all brilliant and snobby (like most real Brits). I announced to my grammar school, "My fave-OOR-ite col-OOR is red."

Promptly, my classmates called me a fag and then beat me up. And that's why I never pretend to talk in a British accent. 

FIN 

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