Hey, I won't be mad at ya if you peruse my comedy a bit. -Saying what you think you don't think. Paul Frank has written more comedy than your grandma's had periods. Paul Frank is a mystical creature like leprochauns, midgets, and MILFs. He lives solely on a diet of vodka, Hot Pockets, and milk-less cereal.

Comedy Writing

How Come Nobody Told Me Charlton Heston Died?

Charlton Heston died this weekend and I went FOUR FULL FUCKING DAYS without knowing this. Usually I'm on top of this stuff. I knew Heath Ledger was going to die seventeen days before he actually did.<br />

Medium-Rare Comedy

<strong>Sexually Transmitted Disease</strong><br />One of my worst nightmares is waking up in the morning, looking over to see who I slept with, and then seeing someone lying down in my bed in a wheelchair. It's my worst nightmare not because I'm disable-ist, but because after looking at the cripple, I look back at my own legs, and<strong><em> I'M</em></strong> in a wheelchair.<br /><br />

Nomination for Worst PIC Article of 2008

Girl: "Me and my boyfriend came to the painful conclusion that we're going to have to get an abortion. But please don't tell anyone...I've only told you."<br /><br />Guy: "Yeah, whatever...what are you gonna do with the fetus afterwards?"<br /><br />Girl: "What?"<br /><br />Guy: "What are you going to do with the fetus, are you going to need it?"<br />

Random Musings

<ul><li>What would you put down as 'experience' on your resume when you're applying to be a porn actor? Would you put down all of your previous jobs, or would you go into detail about all the times you've had sex?<br /><br />... (I did the latter.)<br /><br /></li><li>Don't trust a doctor who got his doctorate degree from one of those internet colleges.<br />

Prank Call

I made this prank call to a weight loss pill company called Lipozene! Maybe you've seen their commercials. It's a company that advertises late at night on television. Their pill, as they say, is for people who need to lose A TON of weight, it is not for the moderate dieter. I, coming in at 120 pounds and 5'10", fit in this category, right?<br />

Overcooked Comedy

John McCain was in prison once. Yes, he was a prisoner of war while he was serving our country. Do you want a criminal running our country?

A Little Helping of Some Points, In Case You Were Hungry

<em>They say people who get abused as a child either get caught in the cycle and carry on the tradition, and beat their own kids. Or, they vow to never be like their father, and promise to themselves they'll never hit their children. I vow to never be like my father. I hit my kids twice as hard as that pussy hit me.</em><br /><em></em>

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