Unlike some of my more esteemed playboy colleagues, I've reserved pretty much all political thought.

Until now.

I understand the appeal of Ron Paul. The Constitution is among my top 15 favorite documents, below the Captain Crunch cereal box mazes but narrowly edging out my Apple Licensing Product Agreement (which I needed, lest I try to use my iTunes media player to perform heart surgery, an activity which apparently needed to be explicitly forbidden). I'm not a libertarian, by any means, but I do think that he has expressed the firmest grasp of the fundamentals that this country was built on. And I respect that.

He won't, however, be getting my vote.

It's not just because he might have had some racist things published under his name. If I got offended every time somebody said something racist, I would never visit my Grandma (true story, by the way. But a story for another day).

It's mainly that I don't like the man's views. I don't like his views on abortion, on the environment, on oil, on Darfur, on the UN, on campaign finance…

I'm pretty sure you can guess what his views are on those issues. If not, use the gosh-darned Internet to do a bit of research. This isn't a freakin' political platform blog, am I right Paul Frank? Paul Frank is down. He's slurping up what I'm dishing out.

The more savvy among you could be quick to point out that it doesn't particularly matter what his views on these things are, since he respects the political process in such a manner as to make it unlikely that his personal views will spoil his ability to be an effective executive. You could say that he respects the unique legislative power of Congress, and the right of states to be somewhat autonomous, and you would be right.

I don't care.

A President represents the country in a way that no other citizen does. Whether or not he uses them to legislate, his personal views inundate the country in what he says, what he does, and even in how he lives his life. I simply don't want to be represented by a man that holds the beliefs that Ron Paul does.

I don't think that voting for somebody who holds similar values to you, in hopes that those values will be reflected during their term, makes you a sheep. I'm not even sure who that yet will be, or what party that candidate will come from.

But it will take being more than being “core”.

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