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I have ANTS IN MY PANTS!! They’re everywhere!
 Who
would’ve known that hanging up my pants on rope clothesline between
two trees in the backyard would lead to a small highway of ants in
my pants?! Actually, most normal people might have guessed
this. But all three pairs of them? With underpasses and
on-ramps?! The Queen was definitely behind this.
Since I had to wear one of these pairs of pants to work, I was
forced to get rid of the ants in less than fifteen minutes.
But these ants were stubborn little things. You know how most
ants get all frantic as soon as you put your finger near them?
Or in this case, when you register a proportional 47.5 on the Ant
Richter Scale, followed by a Pant Leg Implosion? Well, either
these ants had really, really short legs, or they were just plain
stupid, because they just kept marching along as if the Pied Piper
was playing Dave Matthews. (I should have known they were
followers too.)
I had little
choice but to switch to aggressive guerrilla tactics: sneak up
on each ant individually from above and pinch it to death.
This appeared to work, although some ants had obviously had time to
explore the terrain the night before. It was nearly 25 minutes
before
 I
had finished snipe-pinching the ones hiding in the seams and
pockets.
So, luckily, while these ants may have been able to
lift 20 times their body weight, I am at work and they are sitting
in a pile on my living room floor. Whether this has more to do
with my snipe-pinching abilities, or the fact that I’ve been working
out and may now be able to lift 25 times their body weight,
I’m still not sure though. Long live the Queen.
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