Four Months is Pretty Good for Me

Lila broke up with me through a phone call. When I was fifteen I broke up with a chick on her answering machine so I guess I had it coming. I know some people who’ve broken up via text messaging. And I think that’s awesome. A lot of people will tell you that breakups should happen face to face but I don’t think so. Face to face breakups are too emotional, too much like real life. And real life is not convenient. And convenience is damn near everything. Screw real life. Give me a nice clean text message or a simple phone call any day. Much better than sitting in a crowded restaurant taking bad news while fighting the urge to choke your waiter as your soon to be ex-woman disguises her hatred for you in a mask of flowery bullshit.

A lot of people don’t like being single. A lot of people can’t handle being alone. Me, I do quite well. Of course, that’s because it’s pretty much impossible for someone to love another person as much as I love myself.

It’s pretty easy to be mad about a breakup. But the truth is, women are a renewable resource. They’re like city busses: you miss one and another one will be along in a few minutes. Losing a girl is like losing a really expensive pack of gum. Fortunately, gum is available damn near everywhere.

I’ve written before that women are happiness thieves, that they love you when things are going great and that they bail on you when life starts to suck. Well, I’m in financial and legal trouble so guess what?

You’d think I’d be able to learn from my own lessons but well, the truth is, I’m fucking stupid. You probably knew that but it’s worth repeating.

After Lila ditched me, I got a phone call from PIC’s own Xavier Holland. A chunk of the conversation went like this:

X: So if you guys are breaking up that means you can write whatever you want about her, right?
Me: Yeah, sure.
X: Well that’s cool. What’s most important is that I am entertained.

Now, I don’t think I’ll ever write about her after this post because I’ll probably never see her again and people bashing is not a Nate Way theme, but you should know that just about everything I wrote about her being caring and compassionate was true when it happened. So I take nothing back and wish her the best and all that. She just got fed up with my problems and didn’t want them to have to be her problems and I can’t blame her for any of that. She acted like most women do and expecting different is dumb.

There is no hatred. There are no hard feelings. There’s no emotional bullshit or any of that. There’s just a girl who wanted (and probably deserved) more.

Oh, and there’s a half-drunk blond dude hitting on every hot chick in the bar. And he apologizes in advance for whatever he says or does.