I'm a Total Homer

I don't know what it's gonna take, but sooner or later, the general public is gonna have to come to terms with the fact that the South Florida Bulls are a kickass football team. Beating 9th ranked Louisville two years ago didn't do it, and knocking WVU out of contention for a National Championship last year didn't do it; beating Auburn's pathetic squad while we were kicker-less wasn't enough and beating West Virginia won't be enough either.

Oh yeah, just so you know, the Bulls are beating West Virginia.

But it won't matter. After the Bulls hand WVU an ass kicking, the pollsters will look into the depths of their collective intelligence and decide to rank USF below WVU.

Now, some of you may be reading this and thinking, "Nate's a dumbass. Not only is he predicting a USF win, but he's also predicting the way the ranking will be structured afterwards. How can he be so pompous?"

Well, being pompous is easy. It comes naturally to me, and no matter how often I am wrong, I can still maintain belief in my ability to predict the future based on past results. Some would say this is because I'm stubborn and others would say it's because I'm stupid. But, to borrow some words from the great Abraham J. Simpson, it's most likely "a little from column a; a little from column b."

As the saying goes though, just because you're a pompous idiot doesn't mean you can't occasionally be right. (And also, as the saying goes, just because you just made it up right now doesn't mean it can't be a saying. This is America and none of these rules are even embed in pulp, let alone etched in stone.)

I firmly believe that it will take about three minutes of football before the West Virginia squad collectively realizes that they are in fact the inferior team. In those first three minutes of football, the WVU squad will realize either that it cannot move the football or that it cannot stop USF from moving the football. As they struggle against the speed and strength of the Bulls, WVU will suffer the realization that they are not hot shit. They will get stepped on. They will be overwhelmed. And they will smell defeat before either team puts points on the board.

And after West Virginia falls behind by a couple of touchdowns and decides to air the ball out, USF's secondary will be there to recover the ball.

At halftime, USF will be up by two touchdowns.

By the end of the third quarter, USF will be up by 35 points.

In the fourth quarter, USF will be nice and let the scrub team score a few TDs. Because South Florida, the powerhouse no one knows about, the best team that no one has seen, the champions yet to be crowned, has a lot of class.

Even when they're not getting the respect they deserve.

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