Dear Mr. and Mrs. Levitt, Read More »

Do you know why romantic comedies are an hour and forty minutes? Read More »

Used schoolgirl underwear vending machines.

Do I have your attention?

I thought so.

"Used schoolgirl underwear vending machines" is not just a promising name for an indie-rock band. It's also more than my most recent domain name purchase. Used schoolgirl underwear vending machines happen to be all the rage in Japan right now. Read More »

Does Michele Bachmann dress... Read More »

As some of you may or may not know, Netflix has had a tumultuous month. First, they decided to hike prices. Then they decided that they would split Netflix into two different websites, a dedicated site for DVD rentals called Qwikster and the existing Netflix site exclusively for streaming video content. Read More »

I hear my train arriving as I attempt to push through the turnstile at the Sedgwick "L" terminal at speed. The tattered black nylon strap of my computer bag (man purse) hooks around one of the turn poles, promptly seizing my momentum at the neck. I play a quick game of tug-of-war with the turnstile. The first, second, and third pulls are met with absolute resistance. Read More »

The person who warns you that their car is a "total mess" before you get in it, rarely has a messy car. Generally, you get in the passenger side seat and the sweet smell of lavender fills your nostrils, there's not a crumb or a wrapper to be found, and every inch of formed plastic is soaked in Armor All. Read More »

I'm not that smart. Although I'm not stupid in the traditional sense either. I can tell you who would beat President Obama in a general election. I could walk you through jail-breaking your iPhone. I could even tell you why the Soviet Union lost the Cold War. Read More »

I want to stare at my naked reflection in the bathroom mirror as I meticulously shave myself head to toe. Then, I want to slither on a man-thong and apply blue body paint evenly on every inch of my body, being extra vigilant around the eyes, ear canal, and mouth. Read More »

The shower is my laboratory. It's where I invent. It's where I write. I mean I obviously don't sit in my bathtub, Indian style with my laptop, outlining screenplays. At least not anymore. I'm tired of the looks I get at the Apple Store from the heavy-set gentleman, with the beard and horn-rimmed glasses, when I plop down my lathered-rinsed-and-repeated Macbook Pro. Read More »

If we are honest, most days of this life are pretty mundane. This is where life resides: somewhere between the black and the white, the nuanced shades of grey that smear across the canvas of life. Read More »

No seriously, there is. While flicking through the "What's Hot" section of Apple's App Store for something to distract away a few more moments of this life, I came across an iPhone application called "The Royal Wedding," which, as described in the info section, is a "one-of-a-kind news app" and "an engaging way to experience all the news leading to the Royal Wedding and a social tool for the day itself." And I am sure there are no lack of social tools downloading this app. Read More »

As I sit Indian style on my bedroom floor, I fidget with the seams of the clear plastic dome that encapsulates the store-bought red velvet cake in my lap. It's a delicate process that requires a steady hand and patience, neither of which I can marshal at the moment. The cake bounces and smears inside its clear shell as my fingers anxiously seek purchase. Read More »

I've recently come to realization that I am a sea of wisdom gently lapping on the shores of the Internet. I know you're saying, "You're just coming to this now?" I know, Planet Earth, and I'd appreciate if you stopped riding my ass about it. When I receive emails with questions or concerns, I was thinking, why should I direct my answers to only one person? Read More »

Warning: The following mass email is disturbing and may offend some readers. For those of you with a low tolerance for self-righteous vanity masquerading as charity, I recommend you stop reading and make your way back to YouTube videos of children being viciously mutilated in trampoline and pogo stick accidents. Read More »