Keep Blogging, Morons!

Occasionally I like to read random blogs on the internet. Not anything in particular, just the most average thing possible. I suppose I find some enjoyment in keeping a "finger on the pulse."

For one, it amazes me how many people still keep the most boring daily accounts of their lives because they think other people are keeping up with every second. Maybe people ARE keeping up with every second, but I was sort of under the impression that the days of "OMG you have to start a blog!" are really waning. It seems to me a lot of people started blogs a few years ago because they were peer pressured into thinking that if there wasn't some sort of digital account of their life online, they didn't really live it or something - people who would've preferred never to write in the first place.

Second, I enjoy reading what dumb people say in all seriousness. I use the term "dumb" loosely to describe the bulk of America.

So now I would like to share with you a gem I found today, recently written by an Asian girl who looks to be about 18-20 living in Atlanta (coincidence):

I learned something very important this weekend. Don't obsess over what people who don't know you say about you. There's no point in stressing over what a stranger (who you will most likely never meet again) says about you or to you.

Case in point: I hung out with my friend L this weekend who was meeting up with some of her friends. After about 1-2 hours worth of conversation, this guy turns to me and says, "You're the type of person who would kick a child with leukemia." I was really offended at first, thinking, "WTF?! You don't even know me!"

But then I got to thinking and after a talk with my oldest friend, Fifi, I realized that if anyone, HE was the one who would kick a child with leukemia because you've gotta be pretty fucking sick to even come up with something like that. The worst comparison that I usually come up with in those terms would be stealing cookies from a Girl Scout or taking candy from a baby. So, if HE thinks that I'M fucked up, he better take a good look in the mirror.

What do I like about this passage?

1. The first paragraph reminds me of something I would've written online, had they had blogs when I was in 4th grade.

2. She used the term "case in point" wrong.

3. Her defense to the allegation of kicking a child with leukemia consists of "You don't even know me!" As if it could be true, but more importantly, it's really rude to be that presumptuous to a stranger.

4. She came to her senses and substituted the rude defense for the oldest defense in the book: if you thought of it, you must have done it first. Traditionally, this defense is used against accusations like "Your dad takes it up the butt," but it can be applied to pretty much any gross accusation. You may also recognize its sister defense, "Whoever smelt it dealt it."

5. She actually probed her memory to make sure she hadn't thought of anything that bad before. I bet if she'd have dug a little deeper, she'd remember the time she thought shoplifting a tank top at Hot Topic would be like pushing her overbearing grandmother's wheelchair down the stairs. TOO EASY! By the way, are kids with leukemia allowed to play soccer?

6. Mirrors still aren't suitable tools for self-psychological evaluations.