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-Deb, heard from inside the bathroom while trying to clean her cat's severely poopy tail
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About Court Sullivan
Hometown
Huntsville, AL
School
Emory University
At a Glance
I am easily excited by spontaneous things, amusing people, random moments, minor observations, and alcohol. I like to travel, write comedy, buy electronics, and explore/abuse the internet.
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Chuck Norris Facts Strike Back
Posted May 30th, 2007 by Court Sullivan
Name: Brittany
Email: britt_cowgirl123@hotmail.com
Date: May 30, 2007
Comments
YOU ALL SUCK ASS! Chuck Norris is and always will be the greatest person in history. All your jokes are just remakes of the amazing ones. For instance, "Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. To bad he has AIDS." is a just a parody of "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. To bad he has never cried." Thats how lame you are. You just steal other peoples jokes and make them gay! This is the gayest website I have ever been to. You are horrible people. One because you suck at making jokes and two because you think you are cooler than Chuck Norris. How could ones mind ever even think that. Who ever started the Anti-Chuck is sick in the head. You all sicken me. You are all a disgrace. Chuck lives on! FOR EVER AND EVER!
Dear Brittany,
Yes, many of the Anti-Chuck Facts are parodies. That was the goal. Parodies are supposed to steal other people's material and make them gay for humorous effect. Kind of like how the movie Not Another Teen Movie steals ideas from lots of other movies that were already made and makes them gay for humorous effect. Are you not a fan of parodies, or did you take Brokeback Mountain seriously?
Remember, Chuck Norris is just an actor. That means he poses as someone who's really cool; he isn't ACTUALLY someone who's really cool. Kind of like how Christopher Reeve isn't really Superman. Remember how Reeve feel off a horse and got paralyzed? After that, he stopped flying to anyone's rescue. Not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't hear their desperate pleas over his own.
To quote myself:
Sincerely,
Court Sullivan
P.S. Chuck Norris might not be the greatest person in history if the TV hadn't been invented. Think about that...
No, keep thinking...
...Yeah, I don't know who invented the TV either.
...No, Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. But if you have dial-up you can thank him in some small way for this email conversation.
...I don't... think... you can give him a blowjob... uhhh, anymore.
...Sure, send him a Total Gym, WHATEVER.
UPDATE: 6-1-07
Brittany's reply to my email:
o..k. You're strange. Well, Chuck Norris isn't just an actor. He is strong, and could kill us all. If he wanted, but he wants to leave some of us on Earth. Like me. He just hasn't gotten around to you yet. Also, I hated Brokeback Mountain. Almost as much as I hate you, almost. And yes, Chuck Norris IS the greatest person alive. He will live forever. Maybe not in person, but in all of us who accept the fact that Chuck is the greatest and always will be. One more thing, why the hell would I give Bell a blowjob?!
Email: britt_cowgirl123@hotmail.com
Date: May 30, 2007
Comments
YOU ALL SUCK ASS! Chuck Norris is and always will be the greatest person in history. All your jokes are just remakes of the amazing ones. For instance, "Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. To bad he has AIDS." is a just a parody of "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. To bad he has never cried." Thats how lame you are. You just steal other peoples jokes and make them gay! This is the gayest website I have ever been to. You are horrible people. One because you suck at making jokes and two because you think you are cooler than Chuck Norris. How could ones mind ever even think that. Who ever started the Anti-Chuck is sick in the head. You all sicken me. You are all a disgrace. Chuck lives on! FOR EVER AND EVER!
Dear Brittany,
Yes, many of the Anti-Chuck Facts are parodies. That was the goal. Parodies are supposed to steal other people's material and make them gay for humorous effect. Kind of like how the movie Not Another Teen Movie steals ideas from lots of other movies that were already made and makes them gay for humorous effect. Are you not a fan of parodies, or did you take Brokeback Mountain seriously?
Remember, Chuck Norris is just an actor. That means he poses as someone who's really cool; he isn't ACTUALLY someone who's really cool. Kind of like how Christopher Reeve isn't really Superman. Remember how Reeve feel off a horse and got paralyzed? After that, he stopped flying to anyone's rescue. Not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't hear their desperate pleas over his own.
To quote myself:
Jesus willfully crucified himself because he had insider information that Chuck Norris was going to be around in the future. Jesus did this not in fear of Chuck Norris himself, but in fear of Chuck Norris' acting.Anyway, I started the Anti-Chuck Norris Facts. I may sicken you, and Chuck Norris may live on despite them, but Chuck Norris will not live forever.
Sincerely,
Court Sullivan
P.S. Chuck Norris might not be the greatest person in history if the TV hadn't been invented. Think about that...
No, keep thinking...
...Yeah, I don't know who invented the TV either.
...No, Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone. But if you have dial-up you can thank him in some small way for this email conversation.
...I don't... think... you can give him a blowjob... uhhh, anymore.
...Sure, send him a Total Gym, WHATEVER.
UPDATE: 6-1-07
Brittany's reply to my email:
o..k. You're strange. Well, Chuck Norris isn't just an actor. He is strong, and could kill us all. If he wanted, but he wants to leave some of us on Earth. Like me. He just hasn't gotten around to you yet. Also, I hated Brokeback Mountain. Almost as much as I hate you, almost. And yes, Chuck Norris IS the greatest person alive. He will live forever. Maybe not in person, but in all of us who accept the fact that Chuck is the greatest and always will be. One more thing, why the hell would I give Bell a blowjob?!
8 Comments
Not Another Teen Movie was pure awesomeness.
Nice work, Court. I second the NATM love, and I also dig the Anti-Chuck.
The best part is how you actually poster her email. How much shit is she going to catch?
Good question, Joe. I guess it depends on the antagonizing spirit of readers like you!
Wow...it makes me slightly ashamed to be a girl.
By the way, I love your ACNF, because I really, really, hate Chuck Norris.
I posted this over on the Deus X Machina blog, but wanted to make sure you saw this:
Now I'm not insinuating anything by this Court, but I just happened to find this to be an interesting post due to the fact I saw a similar one posted early LAST week. Not only is it strikingly similar to the Scrubs section in Deus X Machina (though not the Seinfeld/Sex in the City sections, those appear to be original), but it was posted in the Rudius Media circle of writers by Kung-Fu Mike, good friend to Tucker Max. Like I said, I’m not insinuating anything, I just happened to find it coincidental that such similar entries were written by two completely separate people, a week apart.
http://www.kungfumike.net/archives/every_episode_of_scrubs_ever.phtml
You can blame Philo Farnsworth for Chuck Norris.
And also for the Power Rangers.
Anon, I don't find anything similar about the two entries besides the topic. And like Xavier said, I'm pretty sure anyone with half a clever brain could reproduce a Scrubs script.
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