Yeah, I'm talking to you. You tool. You sycophant. You whelp. You coward. Go on and cry, I'll wait…. What am I talking about? That you—a guy in college—are going out with a high school chick. What. The. Fuck.
Bro, listen, you suck. If you can't get a chick twice as hot as her, on your college, a deity should smite the virginity back in you and remove your dick. Your nuts should be fed to a pack of dogs who've had their DNA spliced with that of squirrels, resulting in the ultimate nut-eating animal. (MAKE IT HAPPEN SCIENCE MAJORS OUT THERE!)
First of all, hot, loose girls are running around your college, have actual experience, know what they're doing, and are willing to have one night stands—and yet you choose to go out with a high school chick, who probably is only dating you so she can boost her popularity because "OMG im dating a college guy <3, and like he gave me this ring which is like so hawt and like which totally means like we are going steady <3."
Ironically, this is the type of awesome college stuff you're missing out on, not a prediction of you going to jail for a truth or dare session that went too far at your high school girlfriend's house.Second of all, you have effectively removed her from her high school sexual environment. There are perfectly reasonable high school guys who want to fuck her, who can't go to a college and pick from a fine assortment of hot college chicks. Remember when you were a high school guy, and you had a crush on that alright kinda looking girl, and you wanted to ask her out, only to learn she was going out with some college guy— OH WAIT, YOU ARE NOW THAT IDIOT. Seriously, my bad.
Third of all, pedophile. Jailbait. Did I mention you got legal horny girls like right outside your dorm? Hell man, I'm no attorney, I'm no police officer, but I do call them like I see them, and what I can say is that your face would look so good on one of those police sketch artists' renditions of pedophiles.
Fourth of all, you can't take her to prom. You utterly ruin this chick's prom experience, and she will hate you for that once she realizes what she missed in like several years from now. SO HA! (Although on the other hand, you don't have to rent a limo and a tuxedo just to have guiltless sex with a girl for one night. Hell, college is exactly that, just without the limo, tuxedo, or any clothes in general.)
Fifth of all, where the hell do you think this relationship is going? It's not meaningful, it's not extraordinary, her hormones are high, your hormones are high—hell you're high in general—you've got no future with this girl, you're making a one night stand needlessly long and furthering your inevitable break-up: if you break up now, her heart can mend the pain oh so much quicker.
I have to stress these proven statistics, with zero bias, zero confounding variables, and 100% statistics:
Your College Career Right Now
Number of college chicks you have had sex with: 0
Average number of college chicks the average male on your campus has had sex with: 9
NINE!
GOOD GAME, SIR!
Heed my words, ye moron of a thousand blanks: it is not too late, as soon as you're born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time. FYI, the definition of "good time" is commonly accepted as "having sex with a college chick." Don't believe me? Ask Webster.